Amber sat in the back seat, tracing a drop of rain on the window with her finger. Her parents talked softly in the front, discussing the church service they had just come from. Amber watched as her father slid his hand down to rest it gently on her mother's. Her mother smiled and held it tenderly while the pang in Amber's heart stung. Their touch was one of complete love and satisfaction, the way it should be. They had no idea how much their love hurt her. How could she tell them that only a few nights ago she had one of the most painful things in the world happen to her? And from someone she completely trusted?
"Come on baby, it's not going to hurt." Joel said holding her close. Amber turned her head away, "I don't know Joel, I just....I don't feel ready. I'm only seventeen." He rolled his eyes and took his arm away, leaving Amber with the harsh frigid emptiness of rejection. "I'm sorry, I want to save myself for marriage. I thought we talked about this." Joel and Amber had been together for six months. They had talked about sex before, but Joel kept pushing more and more lately.
"Then what's the point?" He asked brown eyes smoldering. She looked at him shocked as he kissed her cheek, "Come on, you know you want it. I know I want it, let's enjoy our time together. I love you Amber." He slid his hand down her shoulder and cupped her breast lightly, "You know how much I love you. I want you right....now" The next thing she knew, her back hit the bed post hard and Joel was on top of her. "Joel! Stop it! Let me go!"
"I promise you'll like it. You just have to let it happen." Bringing his mouth to her's, his tongue rushed into her mouth as he pulled up her dress, "Joel! Please! I don't want this!" She screamed and tried to push him off. Joel was strong, too strong as he grabbed her wrists in his hand and plunged himself into her. The shock that over came her body made her freeze as Amber's bright blue eyes froze open, her body rigid. It felt good, there was no doubt of that, but then the pain started to stab through her as the blood seeped out.
"There, now....wasn't that great?" Joel panted as he pulled off of her. Amber curled up, pulling her dress down as he buttoned up his pants. Looking back, he stroked her brown hair out of her face and kissed her forehead lightly, "I love you Amber."
"Amber? Are you awake back there honey?" Her mother's voice broke the memory as they pulled into the drive way, "Ye....yes, I was just....thinking." Her mother turned back to look at her with identical blue eyes. She knew something was wrong, the unspoken bond between mother and daughter told her, but it also said that Amber wasn't ready to talk about it.
"You've been very quiet lately, is everything ok?" Her father asked as she nodded, "Yes, I'm just thinking about school starting and scholorships." He laughed, "School isn't for another two months! What happened to the days when you used to refuse to fall asleep because that would make summer end quicker? When did you start growing up kitty cat?" She smiled softly at her father's pet name. "Are you sure, there's nothing you want to tell us baby girl?" Her mother asked as they got out of theblue honda.
She stared at her parents, fighting the small part of her that wanted to run into their arms and cry. She wanted them to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. But staring at their happy, caring faces, Amber swallowed, "No, I'm just not feeling well lately." She began her climb up the carpeted stairs, ignoring her parent's worried eyes seering into her back. She couldn't tell them, she wouldn't allow this pain to spread to anyone else.
"Amber, Bre's on the phone!" Her mom called as Amber openedthe white door into her room. Picking up her black phone she took a breath, "Hello?"
"Hey you! What are you doing right now?" Bre's voice echoed through the reciever. Amber smiled, Bre could always make everything feel better, "Not much, why?" She sat on her light blue bed and curled up with a pillow as Bre said, "You want to come over? I've got something important to tell you and I haven't seen you for three whole days!" Amber stared down at herself and sighed, "I don't know, I'm kind of tired."
"Please? Mom's gone and it's really important! Please?"She smiled, "Ok, fine, let me take a shower and do a few things. I'll be over in an hour. " Bre laughed, "Yay! I'll see you in a bit." When she hung up, Amber sat on her bed for a moment, working up the energy to walk to the shower. Why did she feel so tired all the time now? It could have been that she hadn't had a decent night's sleep since the incident, but it was more than that. It felt like she was tired to her very core as she shuffled to her shower and turned on the hot water.
"Come on baby, you'll like it." The words flashed through her memory as she moved her fingers through her wet hair. The water wasn't hot enough, she turned the knob farther and felt the temperature rise. "It's not going to hurt." Still not hot enough. She turned the knob until it reached the hottest setting as the steam lifted into the air almost choking her. She started to scrub, first with a wash cloth and then with her nails. Scrubbing, scrapping, trying to get him off, wash away the memory of his hands on her; his touch inside of her. It wasn't until she was bleeding and theshower had made her skin beet red that she finally shut the water off.
She did this the night it happened, but for some reason, she never seemed quite clean enough. The memory would flash through her mind as she fought back the tears and sat at her computer. The ping from an instant message caught her attention as it said, "Come on baby, talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"I don't see why you are being so stupid about this. I know you liked it as much as I did."
Amber gritted her teeth as she typed, "I hate you. I never want to see you again. You hurt me Joel."
"Are we breaking up?!"
And then she logged off. There was no reason for her to ever want to speak to Joel again. She brushed back her long brown hair and changed into jeans and a sweater before walking out the house. Bre's home was only down the street, but by the time she reached her cute, blue house, she was soaked. Letting herself in, the familiar smell of spice and clove filled her senses as she took off her coat to place on the coat rack, "Bre?"
"Up here!" She called from her room as Amber walked slowly up the stairs. When she came to the black door with the words,"Caution: Parental Advisory."Amber took a breath and pushed it open. Bre was laying on the ground with her feet on the bed. The second she saw Amber, her brown eyes widened, "What's wrong?"