I open my eyes and the first thing that i see is his back facing me, his muscles are relaxed, his arms on his sides and the light coming from my window hits directly at his body, the sheats are only covering him from the hips down, i can tell he has his boxers on, i wonder when he put them on, i stare at his perfectly sculpted body for a long time, his skin looks soft and bright, my fingers automaticaly reach his back, i go lower slowely, he moves a little and then i hear him breath heavily, like he`s mad. I take my hand away and put it under my head, my eyes are open wide, did i do something wrong? of course i did, it was my first time, i had to do something wrong, but should he be mad? is he mad? he stands up and heads to my bathroom without saying a word, God it must`ve had been horrible, was i really that bad?, it didnt feel bad, i stand up and put my bra and panties on, the moment i finish putting them on i hear the door open and i can also feel his eyes on me, i turn around slowely with my head facing the ground, i reach for my other clothes and begin to put them on, i can see he has his jeans on, but isin`t waring any shoes, i finish and then i start to brush my hair staring at my reflexion, i see him standing with all of his weight on one foot and just laying back on the door, fully dressed, hes looking at me, just looking, i cant believe he hasnt said anything, his face doesnt show any expresion, his dark black eyes say nothing, im eager to say something, im eager for him to say something but he doesn`t, we dont. I want to take a shower as quikly as i can but i want to get ride of this akward moment first.
-So...- i say to try and brake the obviously hudge ice
-I gotta go check on my mom- he say`s - i`ll text you later -
Then he heads for his backpack and is looking for something, my guess is his dumbs ass phone to "text me later". My cheeks are burning red, i can feel my heart pounding with violance, o God i hope hes joking, he better be joking.
-Your kidding me right? - i turn around with my face on fire
-What are you talking about?-
-"I`ll text you later"?!, whats that supposed to mean?- im basically screaming, i thank god my parents and my brother aren`t home.
He laughs a little - That I`ll text you later Jude - he finds this funny
-I just gave you my virginity and this is what you say "I`ll text you later" - I say in my horrible attempt to sound like a guy
-Jude i need to check on my mom, i left her the hole night alone, i think im the one who did you a favor, not the other way around - Im speechless
-wha...di...oh! - i sceam not being able to believe his words - What did you just say!? -
-Nothing personal Jude but taking your virginity away was something more for you than for me- he say`s and his eyes look like hes being honest, it hurts even more - I think i did you a favor -
-A favor!? thats not what you said when you were coming inside me -
I can tell he`s surprised by my answer but man did he really piss me off this time, he didin`t expect those kind of words to come from my mouth, neither did I,
-Just so you know, if you would`ve talked like that last night it probably would have been worth my time - he say`s and goes back to his backpack looking for something but then gives up
My heart is pounding fast, pounding hard, my chest feels like its been torn apart, suddenly i feel so heavy my head starts to pound as well, im confused, this isin`t the Blake i know, why would he say those words, why would he act like that just now that i gave him something so prescious of me, why? i feel like crying but no, i bottle up the tears and force them to not come out, i wont cry, not a tear, not a single damm tear. At leat not infront of him.
-What did i do wrong?- I say and my voice breaks at the end, i can see him staring at me from the corner of his eye while hes putting his shoes on.
-Jude it`s not a big deal, you`ll get over it - he stands up with his backpack hanging from his shoulder, does he not realize what a jerk hes being?
-Get over what? - I say and my words are shouting with hurt in them - Get over the fact that your being and ass? get over the fact that your hurting me? or get over last night? - my vision is getting blurry but i wont cry! i swallow them back, yesterday was a big step for me, and he knew it, he new damm well it was special for me.
-Get over me - He say`s and heads for the door.
-What? Why? - I say not at all surprised im still not over the first words he said, their barely sinking in.
He stops half way, standing infront of me - I dont know Jude i gu... - I interrupt him
-Don`t call me that - I stare at the ground refusing myself to give him the satisfaction to know what he can do to me, i look weak - Not anymore - Why does this hurt so much? Oh yeah beacuse ive been with him for 8 months and he tolds me I suck at bed, im dramatic and oh yeah hes dumping me.
-It`s been going on for a while now, i dont feel the same way i used to feel about you anymore -
-Oh and you decided to tell me that right now, just after i gave you my virginity? -
-Yeah, pretty much - a smile reaches his face - sorry Judith its just so simple between us, your too...innocent, not wild type, my type. It`s not interesting for me anymore -I cant belive whats happening right now, i cant believe what he just said.
I pull my face up, my mouth is almost open, my eyes blurry and my guess is that there red from the tears pulled back, i stare at him with disbeliefe and so much hatred, he just seald the deal. I look at his eyes and try so say as many cursing words there exists with my eyes, i punch him, i punch him right in that hipocrite smile of his, he will definetly not be smiling now. He stumbles back with his hand covering his now bledding lip, God that felt good, he stares at the blood on his hands and then at me.
-I hope that was interesting enough for you,id hate to see you get bored Blake - I smile at him and i congradulate myself internally, my eyes where blurry and i still hit the target, badass - Now get the Fuck out of my room and house right now - i scream at him, he stares still shoked at my reaction to the situation, days ago i wouldn`t even dreamed about me hitting him and making him bleed and say those words out loud. He pases right by me, i can hear him go down the stares and then close the front door.