Love and Loss

    The unforgiving chill of the twilight wraps me in it’s arms like waves wrapping over the shores. I sit atop the cliff, gazing out over the horizon, and let the wind chill through my skin to the core of my bones. I don’t even care, nothing matters anymore.
    Morning dew begins to seep through the leg of my pants, and thunder rumbles overhead, but I barely notice. I still do not move. I will sit at this spot until the end of eternity if I have to. I will sit here until he comes back to me.
    I dare to glance at the stone in front of me. Before I know it I am silently crouched down in front of the granite headstone, studying the name, the dates,  every detail closely.  My finger slowly traces the lettering.
    
    In Memory of Alex Becker
    Born August 12, 1988
    Died August 13, 2006
    
    My hair whips across my face just in time to cover the tears that have suddenly emerged in my eyes. They are hot and quite a contrast to the freezing breeze.  I was not expecting to be able to feel so much pain from a brief glance at his name. I try to control my tears, I thought I didn’t have any emotion left. I guess I was wrong, I guess I am weaker than I ever imagined. I squeeze my eyes shut before tears can start to drip from my eyes, I don’t want to cry anymore.
    A loud crack of thunder split’s the sky above me. Maybe it is another punishment from god. Maybe I will be lucky enough that he wants my life this time. I would easily give it up for one last embrace in Alex’s arms. One last precious kiss escaping from his lips. One last…anything with Alex.
    It is now that the first drop falls, landing square in the middle of his headstone. I subside over his tomb, protecting it from the rain. I don’t even think about finding shelter for myself. It starts out as a freezing trickle  but soon the rain pounds unmercifully against my back, and I shiver in spite of myself. Curling into a ball I lay directly over his tombstone , a fatal position. Maybe I will be lucky enough to die right here with him.
    A bolt of lightning lights the sky briefly.  My green eyes flash over the grave. The silver lettering on the stone shines. I stroke it tenderly. My baby, the only person that ever understood me is now concealed under that god damn silver writing. Gone forever.
    The rain is falling yet harder, and the tears that are escaping my eyes are quickly washed away. I can’t help myself, irrepressible sobs slide through my lips. I hate life, I hate everything but him. Alex. Alex, I love you Alex, why are you not here anymore, I need you now Alex.
    My dirty blonde hair is now matted all over my face, but I don’t bother to brush it away. What would I ever want to look at that’s not already right in front of me?  My fingers run lightly over the lettering again and again, died August 13, 2006. Had it already been three weeks? Time seemed to have stopped.
    The trees leafless branches sway like arms reaching out to grab me, but I will not leave. Never. The trees ghostlike shadows dance on the ground with every crack of lightning. Shadows can’t scare me anymore though, I wouldn’t care if I and died. Why don’t I die? Why didn’t I die in the car wreck with Alex, why did I have to sit there and watch the life leave his beautiful blue eyes? Why did I come out without a scratch?
    The battered body lays sprawled among the hill as I wait silently for fate, my limbs are numb now. The only thing left to numb is my mind.
    I hear a low rumbling, but this is not a result of thunder. The familiar sound of an engine cutting, and the slam of a car door is recognizable, but don’t bother to look up. I can hear each footstep sloshing closer to me.
    “Taylor” a soft voice calls slowly. Zach. I should have known it would be him. I shake my head slowly, and don’t bother to raise it.  I need to be alone right now.
    “Go away, Zach.” I say not harshly, but sincerely. There’s no reason he should be out here getting soaked. His heart hasn’t been torn in two yet.
    He pauses, but doesn’t turn back. Instead he crouches in the grass next to me, and when I still show no signs of getting up, he sits beside me. For a minute he doesn’t say anything.
    Suddenly, his hand reaches out to rest on my head. It’s warm, but I feel myself shiver. I close my eyes and sigh, if there is anyone in the world who has a softer touch, I will be surprised. He strips off his coat and wraps it over my bare arms covered only by a t-shirt. The familiar leather smell I can’t help but enjoy. I self conspicuously reach out and pull it over my shoulders farther, and I see a small triumphant smile break through the frown on his lips.
    “How about we go sit in the car for a while Taylor, would that be okay with you?”
    I pause, considering it for a moment, but I cant leave Alex out here all alone. He is an essential half of me. I rub my fingers over the silver letters again, and Zach reaches out for my hand.
    “I promise we can come back soon.” he says, gently squeezing my hand and giving it a light kiss. Before I can protest, I can feel myself being lifted into his strong arms. He can easily support my weight and I hang loosely in his arms, too tried to say otherwise.  He makes sure I am covered by the jacket before walking towards the car.
    The car doors make a clicking sign indicating they are unlocked and he swiftly opens the passenger side door and slides me into the seat. I stick to the warm leather seats, but am still shaking uncontrollably. My teeth chatter, but I try to grasp my settings. The car make me feel at home.  Involuntarily, my eyes grow heavy and I am fighting away sleep. Zach steps into his side of the car and brushed the hair out of my face for me.
    “It’s okay Tay, sleep.”
    His warm breath on my face works like a lullaby. The engine comes to life with a soft purring nose as I slowly slip into a silent darkness.