I glanced up at the full moon, staring back at me in all its glory. I felt the cool, dewy, grass pressing against my bare legs. I took a deep breath, and the smell of flowers filled my nostrils. You know, the flowers that look like trumpets? I always believed that fairies were whispering into them, and that if you listened close enough, you could hear their tiny voices. I could feel his fingers interlacing with mine. Suddenly, his voice broke the beautiful, perfect silence.
"Salem... I want you to think about us-"
I pressed a finger to his lips, not wanting these surreal moment to be shattered. I just didn't want to think about us. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to be.
A month ago I would have been thrilled to be where I am now. For three years I had been in love with Taylor, only to be let down again and again. Now, he finally wanted me, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to be let down again. Thats the way it is with Taylor, he grabs your heart the very first time you meet. He feeds it, nurtures it, watches it grow, then he rips a piece of it out to add to his collection. So, you can see why its so hard for me to just give in to his gorgeous self again... My heart has been abused too much already!
You have no idea what its like to be me. There are those guys who have their good looks, and thats all it takes for girls too fall head over heels in love with them. Admittedly... I am one of those guys. As a child, Salem never showed any intrest in me. She treated me the same as one of her girlfriends, never anything more. That was never how i thought of her, though. I always wanted something more than a friendship.
When we turned 13, and were blessed with our good looks, she became my obsession. She, however, had no intrest in me, dating boys constantly, and once even dating my best friend. So I decided to show her that I had no interest in her. Half the grade was in love with me... (Most of them girls.)I took that to my advantage, and pretty much dated the entire cheerleading population at BMS. Naturally, i obtained the reputation of a heartbreaker. I saw what i was doing, and i knew it was wrong, but once i had started, i couldnt stop! I was lost in a lie of emotions, and now, when i admitted to having legitamate feelings for someone, she had her 'player' radar on high.
I've known Taylor forever. Our mothers used to joke about how we would play patty-cake with eachother in utero. Before he had testosterone, and I estrogen, we were best friends. But... When our hormones kicked in, we were no longer friends. On my 13th birthday, i went swimming with all my best girlfriends, no boys allowed. When we came back from the pool, I saw a heartbroken Taylor, sitting on my porch, present in hand.
I sat down next to him. As kids, we saw eachother naked, thats how close we were. Now, sitting there in just my bikini, I had felt awkward and exposed. Wordlessly, he handed me my birthday present. I took it gratefully.
"Taylor... I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. Its just...so much has changed. We can't keep pretending that things aren't different now."
"Look... I want to be your friend still. I want us to be able to get ice cream and go down to the old pond in the summers. But, were older now. You can't honestly think that those things are the cool thing to do."
Nothing. My phone rings. I glance down at the caller... My heart jumps, and butterflies flutter around in my stomach. Its my crush, Jackson.
"I have to go, Tay. See you around!" I give him a kiss on the cheek, and run inside, eagerly answering the phone.
When Salem kissed me on that hot, summer day, I never forgot it. I knew she would never like me, and I knew we would never have the same close relationship as before. So I tried to move on. The first girl I dated, Ali, was a typical cheerleader. Long, blonde hair, bright blue eyes, usually found sporting the shortest shorts available. It wasn't surprising that she liked me, head cheerleader goes out with head jock... Its just the teenage code. But something changed inside me after I kissed my girl for the first time. Something wasn't right... I wished that instead of this fake barbie I had in my arms, it was my old best friend. The beautiful one, the naturally funny one with the great personality. So I told Ali that I didn't want to be her boyfriend any longer. Thus, creating my reputation.
The other guys totally loved it. Especially my best friend, Jackson. He cheered me on, slapping my back in the hallways, treating me like i was the alpha. They all knew i could have whoever i wanted, and that i could break their heart like that. And so did i. Being a player was a totally wrong thing to do, I know. But it gave me the attention that I never got from Salem.
Three weeks after Jackson asked me out, and I was still happy as could be. Until... I heard the news. My best friend, Ali, was dragging me to get fro yo with her at our favorite spot. She was more jittery than she usually was, with her preppy little cheerleader auora. I could tell that she was waiting for me to ask her what was up. Sighing, I finally gave in. "what's up, hun?"
i asked. "weeeellll..." she replied, completely oblivious to the weariness in my tone.
"You know Taylor, right?"
Taylor. My heart fluttered. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did that just happen? Did i acually just feel something when i heard his name?
Without waiting for my reply, Ali continues.
"He asked me out! Im going out with the hottest, most popular, jock in school!!"
As she jumps around, every teenage guy in the room turned and stared. I laugh, and pretend to share her excitement, faking a smile like the countless times before.
Walking home that day, by myself, was too much for me. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, to allow myself to think, even for a milisecond, that I felt something for Taylor Delaurent. So I called Jackson.
"Hey Salem!" he answers, and for the first time, the butterflies are gone.
I pull the phone from my ear. Slowly, a tear leaks from my eye, and i end the call. I stumble over to a bench, my vision clouded by the forming tears, and sit. A few tears fell onto my jeans, and then I was sobbing uncontrollably. What have I done? The thought came to me. I love him. I've always loved him. And now it's too late.
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