March 1, 2013
I’m awfully sorry I haven’t wrote to you in a while. I’ve been rather busy. I have been crying a lot lately. I feel as though I’m starting to get bad again. My parents don’t know what’s going on. They won’t help me. No one will.
Why won’t anyone help me?
I feel more alone than ever. Like I’m in a big empty house where the walls and floors echo your footprints. No one understands what I’m going through. They don’t even try.
I did it again. The awful thing I should be ashamed of? It feels different this time then the last. Last time it was just a simple cut, with feelings of loss and sadness behind it. After I had done it I felt so guilty.
But this time... It was just extremely different. I felt kind of relieved in a way. The first time I felt... ashamed of myself for sinking that low. And this time, it just felt like I was okay. I’m human again.
I haven’t been crying the past two days as much as I have been for the past week. I guess I need a hero right now. Someone I can talk to about anything, who will give me feedback, help. I need help. I can’t do this alone.
It’s different this time. I’m falling into this deep dark hole, and this time, there is no escape. I need something to pull me out again.
I fear the worst might be coming. I feel like that thing inside me is growing stronger each day and just wants me to end it. I don’t want to, but it’s trying to convince me to do it. What do I do? I’m so lost.