I couldn't see anymore, not wanting to know where my eyes
would be directed to and too terrified to find out when I opened
them, they were seeing something wasn't real. It was unacceptable
and impossible to give in to this disease they named and decided
it was slowly taking over my brain.
"No!" I screamed with all the strength left inside of me,
refusing to move my eyelids upwards by all means. Even though my
eyes were shut with my hands covered over them for extra
protection, I could feel David being near me as his breath
tickled against my skin, when he pulled me close and placed my
head on his shoulder. I buried my face deep into his neck until
everything was pitch black.
It seemed an eternity for his embrace to slow me down and
letting my exhaustion take over as I clasped onto him like I was
never going to let go again. He gently caressed his hand up and
down my back and rocked me in his lap while slowly the tears
dripped down on him, one by one.
"It's okay..." David's silent whisper sang in my ears over
and over again, as if he said it to himself so that would be
Though it never would.
"Stay with me."
"I'll never leave, darling." His voice was clear
like an angel hovering over me, but his lips never moved. "I
shall always be here. I'm never going to leave you mind. If you
don't see me, you'll hear me, Shawn. Always."
"Shut up!" My voice sounded broken after all the fighting.
"Make it stop! Please, make it stop."
I was worn out. I felt like life was being sucked out of
me, slowly and gradually over all these years.
"It's okay..." There was the whisper again and I could feel
his warm breath, making me feel secure and almost accepted. But
he couldn't accept me. He wasn't able to, like I wasn't.
"I love you, Shawn."
"Tell me it's okay." I sobbed desperately, hugging him closer
when it was no longer pitch black. I needed it back. I couldn't
live if there was only a spring of light.
"Open your eyes."
David didn't push me. He had learned over time that if he
pushed me, I would pull away. It was my nature, my
As he suddenly stirred I came to realise we weren't the
only two in the room of real existence. His head had turned
towards what I recalled from memory the door, knowing that
somebody was standing there.
"Who is she seeing?"
Before he was able to open his mouth, I snapped my head up
and with wide eyes I snarled, "Don't ignore me."
"What is going on Shawn?"
"You don't have to answer her. She doesn't care."
I frantically moved around the room, flickering my eyes from left
to right in all the directions I could possibly look, trying to
find out where the sound was coming from. "I'm right here,
"Go away! Leave me alone!" I no longer register who I was
speaking to and who was talking back to me. Words were verbalised
but I struggled to find out where they were coming from.
"Shawn!" David wrapped his fingers around my arm and pulled
me to face him. For the first time, I genuinely examined his eyes
and realised he actually meant all of it. All the anxiety, fear
and unconditional love joined together in his flawless
He pressed my hands down against my own body, but held them
with force as I tried to wriggle free.
I couldn't hear David nor see him. The only person I could
truly see while the content of the room vanished in the
background on was the one standing behind him, grinning
"Please darling, don't."