Ch.8 A Pain I Must Hide
I didn’t cry. It’s as if I almost expected it. It was just a matter of time, I suppose.
“What happened back there” Jake asked me as we sat in swings along side each other in a lonely park by my house.
“It’s just that…” I had no idea what I was going to tell him but I do know it’s not the truth. “I took you there so it could be romantic but people had to kill it by being there. Our night was ruined.”
“Hun” he says and grabbed my hands. “every night with you is romantic.”
“Jake, please” I say trying to hide a smile. “I wanted tonight to be our night, you know the night” A lie I was forced to say in order to hide the truth.
“Really?” he asked and his eyes widened. A laugh escaped from me and I nodded. He leaned in and gave me the sweetest kiss I have ever gotten.
“Stephanie Miller, I love you” he whispered to me.
“I love you too” I whisper back and kissed his soft, soft lips.
“Do you really want to sleep with me?” he asked curiously.
“Yes, damnit!” I yell jokingly. “I really do. Is that hard to believe”
“Next weekend my parents are leaving for a trip, we'll have the whole house to ourselves, and then our fist time will be very romantic I promise.” I thought about this and I thought of two things: Planned sex, wow where is the spontaneity there, but it’s still very cute. And second, I was very much ready to do this, not just in spite of Kyle, but because I already done it with that jerk and I’m sure sex with Jake would be ten times better.
“Okay” I said and kissed him once more beneath the moonlight.
It was Monday again and I despise Mondays. It’s the same routine every single day, get up, Jake picks me up (and by the looks of it is very happy today since we had our sex talk), go to my AP classes, have club meetings, and finally, three hours of tennis practice. As soon as my coach dismissed us I practically ran to the showers, which no one really uses. I just stood there letting the hot water fall on me. I was very depressed today, and hadn’t seen Kyle yet. I scrubbed my body and rinsed my hair and finally stepped out. Combed my hair and changed, and left the lockers. Earlier in the day I told Jake that I wouldn’t need a ride from him today. I just can’t do this today. I walk super slowly towards the main entrance and look down at my feet the whole way. I look up and parked right in front of the school is Kyle. And like always he leans on his car, arms crossed, wearing his leather jacket, and aviators. I stop for a second and let his precense process in my head, but immediately start speed walking away from him.
“Stephanie!” he calls out and I ignore him and walk faster. He grabs hold of my wrist and spins me around to face him.
“Let me go!” I scream to his face.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, I waited for you”
“Like I give a shit! Now let me go!”
“Stephanie about Saturday, hear me out!” I keep wiggling and trying to get out of his hold but all he does is grab me by that waist tightly.
“I don’t care” I spat.
“I had business I had to attend to” he tells me. I think about the things he has to attend to, that bitch in the lake. I look away from him and avoid eye contact. He lets go of me and takes his aviators off and puts them in his pocket. “Sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving”
“It’s not even about that” I say and my voice cracked.
“Then what is it?” he asks and puts one hand under my chin and gently moves my head so I can face him. “Stephanie, look at me” he states and I do it.
“I know what business you had to attend. Or rather who you had to attend to” there’s a long pause between us and I know he’s realized what I’m talking about.
“How do you know?” he asks with a low voice. “before you answer that, let’s go somewhere private” he takes my hand and he leads me back to his car and we go in. He drives to the same park Jake and I went to but instead of sitting on the swings we sit in a nice green bench. “Now tell me, how do you know?” In order to answer his question I get myself comfy. I sit crossed legged (you know, “Indian style”) facing him and for a moment or two I play with my fingers. The sun is setting and I know Jake is still at practice, practicing for the big game Friday.
“So after I come back, I don’t find you there waiting for me, like you said you were” I start, and drift my eyes to a little girl playing in the sand. “and well I got mad and I took Jake to the lake, the one you took me to” I pause again and look at his expression, it’s one of bewilderment, shock, and dread.
“For?” he asks impatiently.
“Hold on, I’m getting there. Any who, I go there with the intention of having sex with him and hoping you’d come and see us. I know, I know, how childish of me, but I was so mad at you” I told him making complete eye contact with him.
“And I’m guessing you saw Jocelyn and I”
“Yeah, I did” It stays quiet until Kyle speaks again.
“Did you see the part when I stopped kissing her and told her that what we were doing was wrong?”
“No…but I saw the part when you touched her and kissed her and said ‘it’s you Jocelyn of course I’ll come’” I mimicked. He laughed and it made me smile.
“I did say that. I had the biggest crush on her last year and I said yes to her Saturday because I thought I still did. I went there with the intention of having sex with her but when she unbuckled my belt, I stopped her"
“Yeah right, I’m not falling for that one” I cut in.
“For reals Steph, I told her to stop!” I gave him a suspicious look. “You want to know why I stopped her?”
“Because I was thinking about you, it wouldn’t be right, because I realized that I didn’t have anymore feelings for her, but I had feelings for you instead” I looked at him intently and hoped that what he said was true, I just never know with him.
“Yeah” he grabbed my hands and leaned into me and gave a kiss. I scooted close to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and his around my waist. We kissed for a while until he broke way. “It’s getting late, it’s already dark out”
“You’re right” I stood up quickly and patted my jeans for dirt. Kyle and I walked hand in hand to his car. The first time ever.
When he dropped me off in my house he gave me a long kiss and said he’d see me later. Hopefully. I entered my house and the first thing I did was get my cell phone out and dialed Jake. He’d be out of practice by now. For the first time in a long time I knew exactly what to do.
*major twist of events next chapter* -monicastar14