It’s been a three days since Joey passed. His mother was having his funeral tomorrow and I didn’t know if I was in shape to even come. I’ve sat in my bed, the covers wrapped over my head and only getting up to use the bathroom. I was still in shock.
My phone rang all the time but I never answered any of the calls. I just sat and looked at it as it vibrated against my glass table and went back to sitting and mourning. My therapist asked for me but I couldn’t talk about Joey. It hurt more to speak of him.
Who knew it would end like this?
It was finally over. Over indefinitely now.
“Kim, I just finished up dinner. Do you want to join us? I made your favorite, Macaroni and cheese.” My mother stated as she peerfeked her head into my bedroom door.
“I’m not hungry.” I groaned.
“Okay then well you have a visitor here to see you and their not taking no for an answer. They’ll be up in a second.”
I buried my head in my pillow and wrapped my blanket over my body.
“God!” Someone said.”Who died in here?”
“My heart.” I mumbled
I heard footsteps approaching closer then they sat on my bed next to me and discourteously pulled my covers off. I groaned and then pulled them again but they pulled them back once more.
“Stop it!” I hollered.” I just want to sit here is that too much to ask?”
“In face it is.”
“Um…no. I won’t let you sit in here and throw your life away. I know it’s hard to lose somebody, it’s hard of everyone. He was just someone who made some bad decisions and so this was the result.”
I shook my head.”He wasn’t just someone…he was somebody. I wish he would’ve known that because he had the potential to be something great. He just wanted to feel accepted and he wanted for someone not to abandon him like his father did. That’s why he was so crazy over me, he thought he found that perfect someone and he was determined to never let me go.”
“I know that he thought he always had to make himself seem tougher and stronger just because. I loved him and he knew I did. He knows I still love him. He did know I guess.”
“So basically you’re still in love with him?”
“So what’s been going on with us then?”
I exhaled loudly.”I don’t know. I don’t know what I want and I was so very stupid and blind for dragging you into something like this. Truth is I don’t think I’m physically nor emotionally able to get back into another relationship after this one. It wouldn’t be fair to you or me and I want to make things right. It’s just been so crazy.”
He pursed his lips.”So again you lead me on and then do this again. Well, I feel just excellent.”
“Oh come on, cut me some slack!”
“Kim, that’s all I’ve been doing! The whole time I just let certain things pass by because I like you. But I am a person too and you can’t keep playing and screwing around with me anytime you feel like it.”
“Oh so I’m the bad guy now.” I was started to raise my voice, something i didn’t intend on doing.”I didn’t lead you on I just was caught in the moment of finally having that someone I’ve been dreaming of. I wanted to feel like someone cared for me, I needed someone to be there for me and not screw my boyfriend and get pregnant by him. Or keep secrets from me that were so huge. I wanted to feel like someone actually tried to help me. You were the only one who actually seemed like you gave a shit about me. Everyone else just waved their hand and just whatever’d the whole situation.”
“I don’t see what your point is…”
“My point is… this whole thing with you and I was just to find some comfort. I just wanted to know that someone still cared and I know that just sounds horrible but it’s the truth.”
“Well thanks for finally telling me the truth.” He propped himself off the bed and walked towards the door but then turned back again.
“Yeah mister my-mother-was-abused-and-killed-by-my-father.”
“Oh so you’re still mad at me for that?”
He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his eyes. His tone was soft and slow as if he just didn’t care anymore.”What you fail to realize is that I only did that to help you. It wasn’t like I did it to benefit me. I understand I could’ve handled the whole thing better but when you see someone walking in the rain with a bloody nose because her boyfriend just rages out on her; you try whatever it is to help them. You don’t want to see them hurt. But Kim, snap back to reality. He’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. I won’t say he deserved it but look back at everything he has done to you. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to save a life; I never said I was god. Maybe if I could’ve stopped him I would’ve. But right now you need to work on yourself and I won’t be here waiting.”
Then he just walked out, just like that.
Where did I go wrong? I lost two people in my life that I cared for deeply.
Times like these you just want to run away and never come back.
But everyone knows that running from your past just makes everything worse.
I curled my hair and pinned it up with diamond clips. My dress was long and black and my shoes were the shoes I wore on Joey and my anniversary. I slipped off the ring Joey gave me and put it back in its box and into the back of my closet.
I looked outside my bedroom’s mirror and saw the limo outside. My mother spotted me and signaled me to come downstairs. I closed my curtains and looked once again in the mirror.
“Lord…” I said to myself.”Help me."
A/N: Hahah. Two more chapter to go and then TADA! I will be finished with my first novel. I'm surprised i haven't had wriiters block by now. Anyway, this chapter is pretty short so don't kill me.
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