My feet didn’t feel as if it was touching the ground. It didn’t feel like I was here. Staring down at Joey’s cold and lifeless body preparing to be set to rest and wishing that it was me instead of him.
Joey’s mother walking over to see her son in a casket and breaking down in front of everyone. It hurt me to see her so sad to see her only child dead.
I sat next to the refreshment table and kept drinking glasses of Vodka. Well, sneaking Vodka in my drink from my flask I kept in my purse. I glanced around the room and saw Joey’s family. Kids from our school coming by to pay their wished to the family. My mother talking to Joey’s mother trying to calm her down.
I spotted Landon sitting at a table staring at his cup that was sitting still on the table. I wanted to go over there and talk to him but I couldn’t.
“Kim…” I heard someone say and when I turned around I saw Brooke standing there, her stomach protruding through her dress.
“I am so sorry. I know how much he meant to you, and I know you meant a lot to him. I just can’t believe he’s dead. How am I going to raise this baby by myself? I can’t do it alone.”
I smiled as I took another sip of my drink.”Hopes this teaches you a lesson then. Stop tramping around and maybe you wouldn’t have to worry about that problem anymore. Excuse me.”
I pushed past her hoping that she picked her face off the ground.
“Kimmi! Wait!” It wasn’t Brooke, instead it was a guy’s voice. It was Derek.
“What do you want?”
He held out a box that was wrapped nicely with a pink bow.
“Here, this is from Joey you know before he died. He wanted me to give it to you.”
I looked at the box then at Derek for a long time. Snatched the box and threw it in my purse.
“Thanks.” I said rigidly.
“Joey you will be missed among all of us that stand before you right now. And now here’s a word from Patricia Joey’s mother.”
The tall lanky man moved away and let Patricia take the lead. She smoothed her dress and cleared her throat. I could already see tears forming in her eyes.
“Joey… my dear Joey. I never thought I would bury my only son, I always thought it would be the other way around. I already miss you and always will. You were my light, the only reason to still be on this Earth. I’m not going to judge you on some of the decisions you made. I am your mother; I will always love you unconditionally no matter what you do. I just wish that you were still here.”
She walked away and stood next to Joey’s grandfather.
“Anyone else?” The lanky man said.
My head lifted up quickly and then I raised my hand. Everyone drew their attention to me as I walked over towards him.
Looking at him from this casket just made be start to sob before I even spoke a word.
“Joey, my first true love. Oh god how crazy I was over you, you were the topic of all my conversations. Those times I will always hold onto. I just wish that you could see how great you were and that you didn’t have to impress anyone. I loved you for you and not for what I thought you were. Although that last few months of our relationship wasn’t all that great. I can’t seem to let you go and I never will. Matter of fact, I will never forget you. But I will only remember the good times we had. I want to hold onto those memories forever.”
“In all that craziness you made me realize something ,a friend once told me that sometimes people ask for help but they don’t want it, and so you have to let people learn own their own.” I glanced over at Landon who bent his head down when he saw my eyes turn to him. “I learned that when you’re finally tired and ready to leave and you’ve hit you’re breaking point no one can tell you anything. I’ve found my true friends and friends who were never there for me.”
“I know if you were still alive that you would be a great person, a great father, and a great husband to someone. Joey…” I placed my hand on his cold hand and bent down near his ear and whispered.”I will always love you and I promise I will never forget you.”
I kissed his forehead and before returning back over to my mom I said one last thing.
“I forgive you.”
I felt like that heavy weight I had been carrying for all these months were finally lifted off my shoulders. I felt like everything that had happened was finally easing its way off my chest. I felt like all the pain I had growing inside me was easing away.
My pain was finally easing away.
As the buried Joey’s body everyone sat there and watches. Tears rolling down their faces and the sounds of people whimpering and for some reason I just stood there.
I knew Joey wasn’t suffering anymore; he wasn’t trying to please anyone anymore and hurting people in the process and that made me feel happy. Happy that he didn’t have to worry anymore and he was safe now; I was happy knowing he was safe now.
There was one last thing I had to fix now, and I had to fix it before it was too late.
I didn’t stay to sit to chat with Joey’s relatives, I felt as if they needed sometime to their selves to grieve so I just went home afterwards. I scuffled through the contents in my closet and found the ring Joey gave me and slipped it on my finger. At first I thought about pawning it but why should I? I need something to remind me of Joey.
I sat on my bed and reached for my phone, I dialed some numbered and placed it to my ear listening to it ring.
“Landon! Hi um I just wanted to talk to you—“
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
I frowned; I knew this would be harder than what I thought.
“I know that you’re mad and all but I really—“
I started to feel a little annoyed.
“Well can I see you tomorrow? We could meet up at the coffee shop and talk there.”
I heard some loud noises in the background and the sounds of a trunk closing on a car.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that.”
I tighten my lips.”Why not?”
“Because I’m leaving here, going back to my hometown to celebrate Christmas with my family.”
I mouthed the word Christmas with a confused look on my face then looked at my calendar on the wall. Today apparently was one day before Christmas Eve. I was bit shocked considering that I had been so occupied with my own life and not even know that Christmas was almost here.
“Well when you are back?”
He cleared his voice and I heard him talking to another man. “That’s the thing Kim, I’m not coming back. Look, coming here was a mistake. I was trying to find a better life and I found something worse. I don’t feel like going through this thing with you and me. I understand what you’re saying now. I was just a fling and flings don’t last long. I understand so it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me anymore. And I don’t want to explain myself anymore. Hopefully if we ever meet again that we both will be right and won’t have any baggage along with us. So bye Kim it was nice meeting you and I hope everything goes well.”
And with that was the dial tone.
I looked out my window and saw snow started to fall to the ground and wind coming in from my open window.
I felt like I was having another moment of Déjà vu
I hurt him and I pushed him away.
Just like Joey did me.
A/N: Hello Booksians. This was not supposed to be the end of the novel but my computer crashed. I am thinking of posting the last chapter but i don't know. Please help so i can decide. Thanks