Once coffees were finished and gossip updated we still had half
an hour before track was due to finish, which sucked. I sat
there sillently arguing with myself as to what I should do
about my current situation and obvious downer attitude. I
wanted to be able to be as calm and nice as I had been before
the curtains, before the tears, before my heart had been
shreaded like blood stained paper. Too much too ask? Not
really. So why couldn't I just be nice? I kept telling myself
to just get over it. He cheated, fair enough. But I should be
big enough to walk away and leave him. I still love
him. I thought to myself, cursing sillently. No. No.
No.Not good.Not .Good. But can you stop loving somebody?
Can you just decide 'naaaaa I'd much rather not thanks'...?
Because if you could, I would much rather that then
this. This hollow feeling. This feeling that made me
need something, need him, I reallised with horror.
Mad, absolutely freaking mad! How the hell could I
love something that hurt me so bad? That betrayed me and acted
like it was nothing? That made me feel unwanted, unloved?
'Yo toots' I looked up to find Ria grinning at me and her
successful male accent 'fancy catching one for the road?' She
said wiggling her eyebrows and cracking a smile.
'What?' I said a tad confused, looking around I realised we
were still in the coffee shop, still sat in those soft
'Coffee? Fancy getting a coffee to go?' She replyed, a
bemused look on her face that didn't quite reach her
'Uh yeah sure.' I mumbled plastering on a fake smile that
was obviously a little too fake because Ria didn't seem to
be believing it.
'you know,' she said her voice suddenly becoming her own,
her facial expression becoming a tad serious,'if your still
mulling over what happened with...him, you can tell me.
Sweet... I wanna know whats going on in that head of yours
because at the moment it seems eady to burst, you seem
ready to burst and well...'she stopped, pausingfor a
shortbreath before continuing,' I'm your bestfriend sweet,
and im not called that just for the title. It's a job and
right now you look like you need some talk time and that
just so happens to be my speciality, so talk to me.
Please?' She said, suddenly lightening the small speach
with puppy eyes and pouting at the end. Only problem with
this as the fact that everytime she pulled that face she
looked like a pug who are actually so ugly their cute...not
like thats a good thing.
'It's just...' I said unsure of what to say, deciding that what
ever I said should be calm and collected, always calm and
collected.'I don't get it, I mean how can he...? Like...I dunno
its just im so confused and...'
'Shocked? Hurt? Maybe a little bit pissed that he could
'Well yeah but Ria...'I paused, taking a deep breath before I
said what I was so unsure about,' What ifI still love him?' I
asked, look up to see her jaw hanging loosely, shock plastering
'Please tell me I just imagined you saying that...'
'Ria I just...I don't know what to do!' I said, suddenly
noticing I'd spoke to loud by the vast amount of people around
us looking our way. Crouching forward I whispered
'Tell me what to do. I mean I shouldn't, I know that.But I
think I do and...I just...I just don't know. Help?' I said
giving her a hopefull look and sitting back in my chair,
practically rejoycing in how comfy, how soft it was.
Ria sat there a few moments bitting her lower lip while looking
down at the floor, and obvious sign that she was thinking. I
sat there watching her watch the floor, her eyes tracing the
ridges in the dark wood flooring till her head suddenly popped
up and a smile crept its way along her glossed lips.
'You need a diversion' She chirpped
'A diversion?' I asked, a tad confused as to what she meant by
'Oh good! you heard!' She said, sarcasm rimming her still
chirping tone.'By diversion, I mean a guy. Another guy...like
someone to divert your thoughts away from dicky?'
'Dicky?' And she says my head is in odd shape, shes calling
'You know who I mean by dicky...the prick. The cheat...' She
said, sounding as if she thought it was toootally
obvious...even though it sort of was.
'Okaaaaaaay then...whos the diversion gonna be?' I asked,
'I dunno...you tell me. Who would you tap?' She asked, winking.
I just looked at her as if she was mad. Which she was.
'Fineeeee, look hotstuff its almost half five which means we
really need to go...so coffee or no coffee?' She said raising
her eyebrow high. Damn her and her flexable eyebrows.
'Coffee' I smiled, I don't joke when I say I love me some
Grabbing the coffees and heading for the glass double doors I
was suddenly struck on my side by something tall and solid,
making my arm sting like a bitch!
'Shit!' I shouted, totally forgetting where I was as the pain
pulsated through my arm. Damn that was gonna leave a burn.
I wonder if i can sue? I suddenly thought.
'Hey watch it!' the tall, solid thing said just as my coffee
hit the floor.
'Me? Are you kidding? You just walled into me and made me drop
my coffee!?' I turned, outraged that I was in the blame. I
didn't walk into anybody! looking up to glare at the idiot that
walked into me but th first thing i noticed were those eyes.
Those gorgeous grey-blue eyes, framed by long, shabby, brown
hair that looked so soft, so so soft. Would he mind ifI
touched his hair?