Lara's Story

Chapter One

“Look, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh, no, of course not.” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at my shoes.

“Look at me.” I didn’t, and he just continued.

“I seriously didn’t mean it to sound…”

“So horrible?” I offered.

“Lara.”

“Yes?”

“Lara, sweetie.”

“What?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Of course not.” I lied. He either didn’t notice or disregarded all facts pointing otherwise and kissed me. My mouth tasted bitter and it was all I could do not to shove him off of me.

Colin and I had been together for six months and he was beginning to thoroughly bother me. All he cared about was himself, he never talked to me like he used to, he only cared about shallow things. But I couldn’t break up with him because I still saw a trace of the Colin I loved; deep down inside of him the good part gleamed like a gemstone. Why did he have to turn into such a jerk?

We were sitting in his car by the abandoned train tracks, where we always snuck away to when I told my parents I was staying over at Ashley’s. Ash was Colin’s little sister, my age, and my parents liked her and trusted her. We were actually friends, but she wasn’t as innocent as she looked and had been the one to match me and Colin up together.

It made perfect sense to my parents: Ashley and I weren’t old enough to drive, so whenever I went over to her house Colin would have to pick me up. They never factored in that Colin also was my boyfriend and that we could easily go somewhere else. Ashley always covered for us. I felt a tinge of guilt for deceiving my parents for the first time in six months.

“So how long do you think we’ll last?” I had asked him. I had asked him this numerous times, but now I was just doing it to make him uncomfortable. The first few times I was silly about it. I had wanted him to answer “forever”, or at least “a long time”. I had dreams of sharing my life with him, of marrying him. And all I had gotten was a grunt and an “I dunno”. I have since given up such ridiculous thoughts, and now I only brought it up now and then in an attempt to hurt and bother him as much as he hurt and bothered me.

“I dunno, OK? Six months is a pretty long time. I’m sure there are better people out there.” He had said just moments before. My mouth had dropped. He had been cold and unfeeling recently, but never downright mean like that.

Now that Colin knew I was upset he tried to backtrack.

“I really didn’t mean that. I just….don’t want to get my hopes up? Yeah, that’s it. You know I love you.” I grimaced.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do.” He brushed his lips softly over mine.

“Well why don’t you ever just say what you feel? Huh? Why do I have to say how I feel, and then you just say the same thing? You don’t mean any of it!”

“Baby, I’m a guy, guys….”

“Don’t you “Baby” me! I want to know what you’re thinking and all you care about is if you get to second base! And you pretend to have all these sweet feelings. Just tell me the truth!” I was shouting and gripping the upholstery with both hands.

“Sweetie, I love you…”

“Tell me the truth!”

“You know how I feel.”

“It’s however I feel! And right now I feel like going home.”

“You can’t just end the conversation like that.”

“I started it, I can end it. Take me home, Colin.”

“Not until we get through this.”

“We won’t, OK? We won’t.” He grabbed my wrist tightly, so tightly that I cowered into the car door.

“Yes, we will. Don’t you dare say we won’t. Do you hear me? Now do you want to go home or not?”

“Well if you love me so much to force me to stay, I don’t get why you don’t show it.” I muttered. He glared at me with a fury that I had never seen on his face before.

“Do you want to go home or not?”

“Yes.” I whispered.

Colin dropped me off on the street and didn’t even get out of the car to open my door or walk me to the front step like he had the first few times he had driven me somewhere. He sped away once I was five feet down the driveway. My hands were balled tightly into fists; I could feel my nails digging into my palms. Once I was sure that Colin wouldn’t turn around and look back at me I ran to the edge of the driveway and flicked off the retreating car with both hands.

Once I had made up some excuse about why I was back, I slammed upstairs to my room. I was so mad, at myself more than Colin. I should have just ended it then and there. But the way he grabbed my wrist…it had scared me.

With headphones pounding in my ears, I sobbed myself into a fitful sleep.