A/N: Sorry if this chapter is really short! I hope you all like it and comment and tell me your feed back! Thanks.
My name is Emma Harper Jones, but everyone calls me Harper and this is how my life was destroyed. Forever.
Feeling like your nothing is the worst thing in the world. First I felt distant from the world. Next minute I'm depressed and then I started to cut myself. Cutting was the best thing in the world for me. It made me high seeing the blood dripping from my wrist onto the ground. One time when I saw blood I lick it all up. It made me feel like a vampire, powerful and all. I mean it's my blood after all.
After the cutting I just felt like there was nothing left for me in the world. My dead beat dad left me and my mom when I was five, and worse he raped her. Took her prisoner and made her his wife. I'm her rape baby, as my mother calls me.
My mom is an alcoholic. Every night I have to help her to her room because she's too drunk to move. I feel like the parent in this family. My mother is a mean drunk; she sometimes has meaningless fights with me and tries to beat me up. The cops have been called twice because my nosey neighbors always snitch. I told them it wasn't that serious but they didn't believe me.
I just wanted my mom to be perfect and I want her to be the mother she supposed to be. When she's sober, she is my best friend. She lets me skip school and shop with her. We'd have the best time and that's when I loved my mom the most.
When I starting cutting, years after I wanted to die. My mother always relied on me and she shouldn't have. I started to feel guilty because first the man who raped her left then I almost did when tried to kill myself. I knew in some way that she did love me but she has never said it in her life.
She has never said the three words, 'I love you.'
Instead she always says, "You look like your father."
She would blurt out when she was drunk out of her mind, so she wouldnt have to say, 'I love you'. She made me feel bad about living and being her daughter.
I don't really remember my father and I don't want to. To know that the man who made you was a rapist and worst of all did all of this to my mother made me sick. I didn't want anything to do with him.
One day, when I was fifteen, I tried to kill myself. Obviously I didn't succeed and part of me is happy about that. I remember when my mother left her bipolar pills everywhere in her room. I just couldn't deal with her, the men, the kids making fun of me. I decided to end it all.
"No one would miss me." I said. I took all of the pills that were left, there was onlyten of them.
I felt so dizzy and started to see things. I saw things that I don't want to see. I saw the memories of my dead beat daddy and me playing with a soccer ball in the yard. Or when he took me to an ice cream store and let me eat all of the ice cream I wanted until I puked. Those were the only good memories I had of my father. It's better than what the men my mother brought home to me.
I passed out and ended up in the hospital. I was so happy to be out that I didn't even want to go home. My own doctor, who was a man, felt like more of a mother than my own mom did.
My mother didn't even come and get me from the hospital. Instead she sent Tim, her boyfriend of three years. I didn't like Tim at all; he only used my mother for sex, booze, and drugs.
My mother didn't care, "At least we have a real man in the house." She would always say. I snorted at her every time she said this. Tim is a joke to mankind. He has no morals, no soul. He's those kind of men who don't give a crap about women.
The thing that is worse than death is rape. Death comes one time in your lifetime but rape can come multiple times. The worst thing is that my mother ever did to me was sell me to a man she didn't even know for a fix and $20. After a while the man got bored and left me for dead.
I always came back home and I didn't know why. I guess it's just because in a way I just loved my mother. I trusted her in a way that I've never trusted anyone ever and I don't think that I ever will.