Allie, NO YOU CAN’T DO THIS! I thought this to myself as I watched my twin sister slowly slipping away from me. We are sixteen years old and four years ago my twin sister Allie was diagnosed with Leukemia, and after a long four years of her fighting that horrible battle it was finally the end of her battle. “You can keep fighting, Allie. You’re stronger than this.” I said looking into her icy blue eyes and saw the sparkle that I longed to see. “Lexie, it’s about time.” She whispered “No sissy.” I said, crawling into her bed with her. She was told to go home, that even the doctors were giving up but I can’t do that, she’s my sister, my best friend. It was horrible to see her suffer for as long as she has but I know she can recover it, she’s a strong person. “Yes sissy.” She whispered and I hugged her, I didn’t want to let go but I knew I had to. “Will you wait for me at Heaven’s gate sissy?” I asked her “I promise sissy.” She whispered and I smiled at her. “I love you sissy.” I said “I love you too sissy.” She said and with that my sister slowly slipped away from us. “Momma!” I yelled and my mom came running in and almost fainted at the sight. I was up above her bed now and walked over to my mom and embraced her as she slowly sobbed for her daughter who died at sixteen.
We live in Port St. Lucie, Florida my parents are still together so we were a family of six, both parents and four kids. We have icy blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. It was Allie and me, Callie is thirteen, and Ryan is ten years old. All too young to experience a sibling’s death. She shouldn’t have gotten cancer, we shouldn’t have to be put through this ongoing pain of losing someone we are so closed to. Growing up Allie was also the first to get a cold and everything and when we found out she had cancer our whole worlds started crashing down. Allie and I have always been so close, probably because we’re twins. Mom was sixteen when we were born, we were told we weren’t going to survive, she was going to abortion us, or put us up for adoption, we were born a month too early and since then Allie has fought for her life.
I called the hospital and let them know and then I called my daddy and let him know. My mom was crying too hard to do any of that so I had to step up to the plate. “Lexie?” Callie asked me and I looked up “Is she in a better place?” Callie asked me, “Yeah Cali. No longer in pain.” I said and Ryan looked up “You’re strong sis. Not crying and she’s your twin. You two have a bond.” He said and I nodded, biting my lip so I wouldn’t start to cry. I remember when she started losing her hair, I have been by her side throughout everything, chemotherapy was brutal but I was here, bone marrow transplants I matched perfectly and I gave whatever they needed when they needed it.
Daddy came in and took my place with mom and I went to comforting Callie and Ryan while the E.R people came in and carried Allie’s body out in the blue bag. I excused myself to go walking and I went walking down the dirt road and up to my best guy friend Blake’s house. “Good Afternoon Lexie.” His mother Carrie said. “Afternoon ma’am. Is Blake in?” I asked her “Yes ma’am, his room.” She said “thank you ma’am.” I said and walked up to his room. I knocked and he said come in. “Whoa, who died?” He asked kidding until he saw my facial expression. “Oh Lexie.” He said pulling me into a big hug. “She was so young.” I said hugging him back, we have been friends since we started school together so many years ago. “Have you cried yet?” He asked me and I gave him a look “I don’t cry.” I said and it was his turn to give me the look and I laughed. “I’m fine Blake. No need to worry. I just thought you would want to go. I need to get back home.” I said “I know Lex.” He said and I started to walk away. “If you need anything I’m here for you Lexie.” He said “thanks, I know that.” I said and he smiled at me.
“Lexie can you take Callie and Ryan to McDonald’s?” Daddy asked me when I walked into the house after seeing Blake. “Sure thing daddy, get you and momma something?” I asked and he nodded. “Ca, and Ry come on we’re going to McDonald’s.” I said and they slowly got up and walked to the car. We should all have prepared ourselves from her death, but it still came as a shock. I always thought she would pull through and go through remediation but not this time anyways, the cancer came back nine months ago to claim her life and after fighting that huge battle. I turned the radio onto our favorite country station and when it came to a song we knew we would sing along like nothing ever happened.
I remember for our 16th birthday last month, our birthday is July 16th and it’s August 16th now. But I remember all of us loading up in the jeep, Allie with her oxygen tank and we spent the day at the beach, it took all of her energy out but at the end of our stay we walked across the beach like we used to do so many times whenever we went. I have a ton of memories of Allie a ton of great memories and some not so good. I remember when we were fifteen and I got invited to a cool party, Allie was in the hospital so she didn’t get invited. But I was told I couldn’t go that I had to go spend the night with Allie. As soon as I got into her room I crossed my arms around my chest and gave her the stink eye. “What?” She finally asked she couldn’t ignore me anymore, “Because of you I have to miss the coolest party.” I said “Well I didn’t ask for this to happen, I didn’t ask for you to come.” She said “Well I’m stuck here. I just wish you would go ahead and die, so we can move on.” I had said and she narrowed her eyes at me, “It isn’t that easy Alexis. Or I would be dead. Do you think I like being in pain? Or seeing my family in pain? It’s killing momma in the inside.” She said “Allison, do you really think I don’t know that? We would all be better off. You’re just tearing this family apart.” I said “Lexie, I know for Jesus Christ! I didn’t ask to get cancer! I didn’t ask to miss out on this party, I didn’t ask to miss out on school a lot!” She said and that is when I finally broke down in tears and told her I was sorry. We were typical teenage sisters, we had our fights about boys, clothes, school and everything like that.
We ordered the food and sat outside near the playground. We were eating in silent, enjoying the cool breeze that comes and goes when it pleases. My aunt and mom have been making the funeral arrangement the past three weeks and it was set for the Wake to be the night after and then the funeral the day after that. Schools begins August 22nd, so she died right before our junior year, we started school early so we’re one of the younger students. “So it is official, huh?” Callie asked me “Yup.” I said and Ryan looked at me “Will we get through this?” He asked me “Yup.” I said “You promise?” Callie asked me “I promise you two, that as siblings we will get through this together.” I said knowing that I just couldn’t respond with another yup. I’m the oldest, I have to be the strongest, I can’t show weakness in front of my little sister and brother.
“I want to go play in the playground.” Ryan said and I nodded, he followed the rules and left his shoes by me. Callie looked at me and I nodded they both went in to play and I just brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “Impressive, that you take your little siblings out.” A cute guy said coming near me with a little girl going to the playground and an infant with him. “It has to be done, you know.” I said and he smiled at me, “may I sit?” He asked “I guess so.” I said kind of glad that I don’t have to worry about thinking about Allie as much right now. “I’m Kyle.” He said smiling at me “I’m Lexie.” I said “It’s nice to meet you Lexie.” He said “You too.” I said smiling.
“How old are your brother and sister?” He asked me “Callie is thirteen and Ryan is ten.” I said “that’s amazing, and you’re what seventeen?” He asked me and I laughed “not hardly. Only sixteen.” I said and he smiled “I’m seventeen.” He said “How old are your sisters?” I asked watching the little girl playing on the playground with Ryan and Callie. It took a minute for that to register with him. “Lyndsey is two today and Kelsey here is six months.” He said and I smiled at Kelsey, “She’s adorable.” I said and he smiled “Thanks.” He said “It’s amazing seeing a guy like you with his two little sisters.” I said “I have a confession to make.” He said and I raised an eye brow at him, “they’re my daughters.” He said “Oh, so you’re flirting with me and you’re in a relationship or married?” I asked “Not at all. She left me and the girls when Kelsey was two weeks old.” He said “Sorry to hear that.” I said “Now tell me why you’re really here with your siblings.” He said “My sister died today.” I said “I’m sorry to hear that.” He said “Don’t be, she had cancer. It was her time.” I said and he nodded. “Do you mind if I hold Kelsey?” I asked him and he handed her over to me. “Hey Sweetie, aren’t you just a doll baby?” I asked and she did that cute baby smile and then the baby giggle.
I gave him my cell phone number as I went to get my mom and dad a burger and fries and then we went home. “Momma you need to eat.” I said as daddy was slowly chewing on his meal. “Fine.” She said taking three bites and getting up to go on the back porch. We live in a four bedroom house, so my parents had a room, Ryan had his room, Callie had her own room, Allie and I shared a room; and I don’t want to go in there because she died in there so I walked to the porch and wrapped a blanket over my mom’s shoulders. “How was McDonald’s?” She asked me not liking the silent between us too, we were always so close especially when Allie went into the hospitals. “Great, I met this guy.” I said and she half-way smiled at me. “Do tell.” She said I couldn’t tell if she was faking interest or what. “His name is Kyle, he’s seventeen. He’s a teen dad to two girls. Lyndsey and Kelsey, he’s cute, funny, smart, charming, saracist.” I said and she actually smiled at that.
The next day everybody that actually cared was over at the house being supportive. Around six we got dressed into appropriate clothes and went to the funeral home. I spent the night in Callie’s room and she didn’t seem to mind because she had me to comfort her. Blake and his family was the first one in here, he hugged me and we walked away after he paid his respects to Allie. “How are you?” He asked “Fine, the best you can be with losing a sister.” I said and he nodded at me. He hugged me, and we talked about school and then I saw Kyle, he smiled at me and nodded at Blake. “Kyle.” Blake said they shook hands “you two know each other?” I asked “We use to play baseball together on a team.” He said “I came to pay my respects.” He said and I smiled at that I told Blake I would catch up with him later and led Kyle to the casket. “She’s beautiful.” He said then smiled “looks like you.” He said and I nodded “I’m so sorry for your loss Mr. and Mrs. Summerland.” He said my dad nodded “thank you.” He said “Daddy this is Kyle.” I said and he nodded, momma smiled at him “Lexie told me about you. It’s nice to meet you.” She said and then went to the other people. At the end of the time frame we had Kyle looked at me “You want to get away from here?” He asked me and I nodded. I went and told my dad and he understood, “Where are the girls?” I asked getting into his car. “With my mom, she loves watching them I just don’t let her much.”