The month flew by and it’s now December 18th! And we’re on a half day schedule, so we’re waiting for the bell to ring. Noah, Hope, and I are going to the mall this afternoon. Santa Claus is going to be there, so we’re taking the girls to see Santa for the first time. They are seven months old today, and I feel so old that are they growing up so fast. The bell finally rang and we all ran to the doors. Our first day of Winter break, and we’re in flip-flops! We made it home and my mom had the girls in their car seats ready and waiting to go. I hugged her good-bye and we walked away. The house is beautiful, it’s ready for Christmas. We have a huge beautiful Christmas tree, sparkling lights, ornaments, beautifully wrapped Christmas presents under the trees, a beautiful angel on top of it. The Christmas village was set up on the Coffee Table, our stockings were hanging up above the fire place, including the girls. We have Christmas lights up outside, the floats things in the yard including candy canes leading you up the walk way.
“I have never seen anybody this big on Christmas.” Noah exclaimed December third when we were all getting everything ready. Blake only laughed at her and told her welcome to the family. Now we’re driving past all the other decorated houses on the way to the mall. I got the girls in their carrying pouches and doubled stacked it and we walked into the mall. And found the line for Santa, of course it was a long line. “Hard to believe Christmas is so close.” She said and I smiled, this is our second Christmas without Allie, our first as a new family, the girls first. Blake and I will have been married for a year.
The girls got their pictures taken with Santa and we went into the baby’s store and looked around. We then made it home and decided to get to work on our take home test for English four. Afterwards we spent much needed time with our girls and they loved every second of it. I found some home videos and without thinking put it on up in my room, Noah was on my bed with me and the girls were in their playpen sleeping. It was labeled Beach Trip. So I wasn’t sure which one until I saw Allie all sick like. “Sissy!!!!” Allie said and I ran over soaking wet from being in the water, my hair was swinging all over her splashing her. “What sissy?” I asked “Help me up?” She asked and I only smiled at her. I got her up and leaned on me, I supported her across the beach for her to go walking for the last time. She enjoyed it but ended up sitting down beside my mom watching us have fun. Ryan and daddy was out swimming, Callie was tanning, I was talking to Allie about endless things and had her laughing at everything. Aunt Dana was video taping it because you could hear her do her own input from time to time.
The next video was when we were fifteen, she was in remission again and it was our first day of high school. “I’m cancer free! High School here I come!” Allie said jumping up and down and we started dancing. “Oh yeah! Go Allie!” I said and I did a cartwheel and she did a back bend. “I’m back and I’m better than ever!” She said “You tell them!” I said “I am duh!” She said and Noah laughed at that “Oh whatever.” I said “Don’t you whatever me, young lady.” She said acting like mom. “I jut did. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever!” I said and she ran after me so I ran away screaming but she jumped on my back. “DADDY! She Got me!” I yelled and we could hear him laughing in the background. She tackled me down and all you could hear is us laughing. We ran back to in front of the screen. “So if I can be in remission then you can be too! Don’t give up!” She said “You listen to her!” I said “Oh shut up Lexie.” She said rolling her eyes at me “NO way! Why don’t you make me?!” I said and saw her coming so I ran and climbed a tree and she followed but I jumped down and took off running and the video ended with her tackling me again. “Wow Lexie.” She said and I nodded at her and we giggled.
The last and final video was a documentary that I made. “So sissy, we just found out the news. That you at the age of twelve has Leukemia. You’re scared, momma is crying, Callie is crying, Ryan is confused, me well I have confidence. You’re going to beat this cancer thingy. You’re a Summerland, and we don’t give up. Oh no we don’t.” I said and it showed all of what she has been through and ended with me saying “We got the news that you’re on your death bed, you aren’t expected to live much longer. Sissy you can’t give up. We don’t give up. Keep fighting for me?” Noah looked at me “Wow.” She said and I nodded and she had to go excuse herself so I pulled out the video camera with the tape in.
“Sissy, it’s almost Christmas time. Yeah, momma’s craziest time of the year. We would normally be rolling our eyes at her traditions that she wants us to do. But this year just like last year you aren’t here with us. For the first year things went crazy and now thing are back to normal minus you.” I said and I had Stormy in my lap. “Yeah I know you put up a big hard long fight. I have never been so proud of you in my life. You’re my hero sissy. I want to be just like you. We all miss you so dearly and we know you are in a better place. I hope you’re keeping your promise and you are waiting for me.” I said and with that I closed it after saying I love you sissy and I miss you.
It was now Christmas Eve and everyone is in the living room. We sang some Christmas songs, told the girls about Santa and Jesus. We had cookies set out for Santa along with milk. Ryan has out grown Santa but we’re doing this for Stormy, Starry, Summer, and Autumn. Truth be told I still love having Christmas like this, it still feels like Allie is sitting right next to me. But it’s Noah, my new best friend. Hope is my best friend and always will be. She is just in New York right now with my family for their Christmas.
We find out in May if we get into the colleges we applied to, on the 18th too I believe or around then so I’m going to be really nervous around then not only because they will be a year old but because I want to know what college I will be attending. Christmas went great, the girls were giggling over everything. We all loved our gifts and we had a great time as a big messed up family.
It was January 18th now and Callie was yelling at me, after I put the girls down for their nap. “How can you just replace Allie?! It’s like you don’t even care! Noah is your new Allie, do you even think of what it is doing to us? Seeing you so close with somebody, Noah stole Allie’s spot in your heart, in your life, and in your mind! You know what! I hate you! I want you out of my life! I can’t wait for you to go to college! I hope you never come back! We will be better off without!” You screamed at me and ran into her room slamming her door. Between the yelling and the scream all four girls were screaming at the top of their lungs. “Starry and Stormy it’s okay.” I said rocking them trying to get them back to sleep. Of course it didn’t work they wouldn’t go back to sleep.
I walked downstairs and my mom was ready to hear it, knowing I would have something to say. I didn’t though I just smiled at her and stepped outside on the porch with Noah who was comforting her girls. “They are going to be cranky tonight.” She said “I know.” I said but Allie didn’t really seem to care, I knew she needed to blow off her anger so I wasn’t that mad, it just hurt a little bit to be treated like that. “She’ll calm down.” Ryan said “I know buddy. Are you upset?” I asked “Nope, she’s a cool person. A good listener. Allie understands sissy.” He said and I smiled at him Ryan is a cool twelve year old, I will miss him I know that but I’m not sure if he will miss me I think so.