He took me up to a huge hill over looking the town and took out a blanket and a picnic basket. We ate sandwiches and drank Dr. Peppers and then I snuggled up closer to him because it was getting a little chilly. “It’s beautiful.” I said talking about the sunset that I was watching fall. “I know you are.” He said and I actually smiled at him. “Thanks, you’re pretty cute yourself.” I said and he laughed at me. I went back to looking at the sunset and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt like we belong how good it was to sit in silence with him, out over looking the city with my sister in Heaven as of yesterday. He looked at me and titled my chin up and turned his head and leaned in to kiss me. Our lips met and it was like sparks flew. He didn’t pull away his tongue made it’s way into my mouth and it was like they were dancing together as fire flies flew around us. He laid me down and when he was trying to undo my pants while of course I was caught up in the moment to where I was doing the same I realized what I was doing and tried pulling away.
He wouldn’t let me though; he put all his weight against me pinning me down. I tried squirming around but he only got angrier with me. He finally took my skirt off and took his pants off and thrust his manhood into me and after fighting I finally gave in and slowly fought back the tears. But the tears finally came when I felt the cool liquid rush inside of me. When he was finished he kissed my lips and held me into his arms but I wiggled free and walked to the edge. “Leave me alone.” I whispered “Fine.” He said “I’m going home.” He said and I only nodded and when he left I slowly dialed Blake’s number. “Blakey, can youcome to the huge hill over looking the city?” I asked, knowing my voice sounded shaky and he said he would and hung up.
When he pulled up I was crying a flood. Crying for Allie, crying for myself, crying for being so stupid and falling for Kyle, and now he raped me and took something that was meant to be saved. I was prepared for the what happened crap but all he did was hug me close to him. He kissed the top of my head and wiped away my tears. “It’s going to be okay Lexie.” He said and I just buried my head into his chest, breathing in his aftershave it was breath taking. “Everything that can go wrong went wrong.” I said “I understand.” He said “He raped me.” I said sobbing into his chest again and he rubbed my back. “It will be alright Lex.” He said and I looked at him “No it won’t. He went in me. No condom.” I said “Lexi, if you’re pregnant then the baby must have a reason to be on this earth. The baby needs you as much as you need it. But it doesn’t mean you will get pregnant.” He said “thanks Blake.” I said “I would have tried warning you but you didn’t give me enough time.” He said “Are Lyndsey and Kelsey really his kids?” I asked him “Actual siblings.” He said “He does have five kids, but the mothers kept the babies.” He said and I only cried some more.
“Lexie, I’m here for you.” He said hugging me good-bye as he dropped me off at my house. “Thanks.” I said walking in and my mother knew right off the bat that something was wrong. “What’s wrong?” She asked me “I miss Allie.” I said coming into her open arms and cried. She didn’t protest and I knew she wouldn’t because she would believe my lies right now. Mainly because Allie was my twin and my best friend so of course I was going to cry. I walked into my room and just cried my eyes out for Allie, for the family, and for me even. I slowly cried myself to sleep not caring that I was in my skirt outfit, or that I was actually in my room and if I looked to the side I would see Allie’s stuff. I didn’t let that sink in I just knew that I needed to cry into my own pillow and not in Callie’s. I couldn’t let her see me like that not when I need to be strong.
I woke up around three I’m assuming and realized my eyes were all puffy and red, I felt my hair and it was all messy. I slowly changed into a pair of shorts and an old cheerleading shirt and walked to the bathroom. I heard my mom crying and then walked past Callie’s room and she was crying. I walked into the kitchen to get something to drink and my dad was on the couch he nodded when he saw me, I came back with a diet Dr. Pepper and was going to walk to my room “Lex come here.” He said and I agreed sitting next to him and he moved his arm around me so I curled up and laid my head on his chest, something we would always do when it was just him and I at the hospital with Allie. “Lexie, I know you miss Allie. But she’s in a better place.” He said and I nodded. I couldn’t tell him the truth I knew it would hurt him too much to find out why I’m so upset.
It’s now the first day of school and these last few days has been brutal. Mom hasn’t stopped crying, daddy works all day long, Ryan hangs with his friends and Callie just reads. While I on the other hand hangs out with Blake and then spend the remaining time comforting my mom and Callie. Kyle has texted, has emailed, has called but I have blown him off all the time because I don’t want to listen to his excuses. I woke up and found my favorite pair of ripped jeans and paired it with my gray low cut shirt with a pink flower on the front, and HCO in silver letters. I wore my hair downs and found my rainbows. I wore my Always In My mind and heart Allie bracelet and my heart diamond necklace. I walked downstairs and my mom was actually up and making breakfast for us. “Happy First day of your junior year sweetie!” She said and I nodded taking my seat beside Callie, who will be entering the eighth grade and Ryan will be in the fifth grade.
Allie and I would have spent the night before discussing what to wear to our first day of school. Or how we were going to enter the school doors for the first time that year since we would be making first impressions on future crushes and futurefriends that will later on break our hearts and stab us in the back. But we didn’t care we were facing school together, the toughest year of my life in school and Allie isn’t here to joke about things that will happen. She won’t laugh at the people that we know we won’t laugh, she wont joke about our classes and how we’re going to hate and love them, instead I’m facing this year along.
I dropped Ryan and Callie off at school and Blake met me in the school’s parking lot. “You ready Lexie?” He asked me and I faked a smile, I have been doing that a lot although they don’t know that I cry myself to sleep at night. For Allie, for me, for what happened to me, for my family they all don’t know that. Not even my best guy friend Blake. “As ready as I will ever be. “ I said and he hugged me tightly. “Good Luck Lexie.” He said and I nodded and as soon as I entered the building the whispers started like she’s Allie Summerland’s twin, the one who died. Her sister died over the summer. I just walked to my locker and focus on setting it up.
My best girl friend besides Allie, Hope walked up to me with her usual perky self. She was visiting her dad all summer, “I’m so sorry about Allie. I know you two were so close.” She said and I smiled at her, even my own best friend doesn’t know how to act around me. “Trying out for cheerleading this year?” She asked me as we were walking to our homeroom. “Nope, I’m going to focus on education.” I said “Will you still support me?” She asked me and I nodded “Of course I will! You’re my best friend! So why wouldn’t I?” I asked and she only smiled at me and talked about her amazing summer. While mine happened to be the worse one that I could ever even imagine of having.
“Worse day ever so far.” I said to Blake and Hope as we were sitting down for lunch. “What do you mean?” Hope asked and I looked at them “Teachers saying how sorry they are, then whispering about you, students whispering about you and saying useless crap, everything is just utterly wrong.” I said and they nodded “Did you see?” Blake asked me and I knew who he was talking about “Yeah.” I said “Details?” He asked but his football group of friends called him over to their table so he quickly said he would call me. Hope looked at me strange “I will fill you in later.” I said and she nodded at me “You okay?” She asked me as my best friend I know, but I had to lie to her like everybody else. “Yeah I’m fine.” I said and she smiled at me “I hope so anyways.”
I said that this was my worse summer yet, and I know four summers ago Allie found out she had cancer but this has to has been the worse. Having to enjoy summer and knowing your sister is dying and you can’t do a thing about it. That just broke the straw, I couldn’t enjoy my summer knowing she was in our shared bedroom coughing up blood, losing color, losing weight, losing energy all because God decided to make her sick. I remember the good old days when we would go on family vacations during the summer, Allie would be laughing and joking with all of us, I remember the silly useless fights we would have and how much I would give to be able to pick a fight over who’s going to hug our grandpa first.
During Cheerleading tryouts I was half watching everybody try out but my thoughts were on Allie and I trying out up until we were twelve. How we would have so much fun doing cheerleading moves in our backyard, enjoying the summer breeze as it came and went. Memories were made that to this day I will not forget. We both had the same crush on the same guy at the exact same time, but neither one of us got him. We fought over that too but we made up quickly because we realized we were only eleven and no guy was that important especially with us being sisters forever.
“Lexie how did I do?” Hope asked me smiling at me after tryouts were called quits for the day. “Amazing Hope, You will make the team for sure.” I said and she smiled at me “Alright to the gas station.” She said we got our normal Dr. Pepper and a bag of chips and I told her all about what happened and she was actually speechless for once. “Does your mom or dad know?” She asked me and I shook my head no “Why not?” She asked me “because of all that has happened with Allie and them I don’t want to make them worry about it.” I said “Alright Lex.” She said and I nodded knowing she didn’t like my reasoning because I threw a fit at the age of fourteen saying I was just as important as Allie was.
The weeks went by and it was officially the fifth week since Allie’s death. We were all getting a little bit stronger; we were walking at night as a family. I realized that I am now two weeks late and I don’t know who to turn to. But Blake has called to make sure I was okay “Yeah Blake, I’m fine. I know. Thanks for the concern. Did you do the homework?” I asked and I heard him laugh “Yes ma’am, I want to play in Friday’s game.” He said and I laughed at that. “Can I ask you for a huge favor?” I said twirling a piece of hair between my finger, “Sure thing Lexie.” He said “Will you go to the doctor’s with me tomorrow?” I asked and he took a minute to answer “Make it after practice, Coach would freak if I missed it.” He said “thanks Blakey.” I said “No problem Lexie.”He said and we talked a little more about our English Three class and he had to go help his mom with dinner. With that I slowly fell asleep not even bother with eating my own dinner, or waking up for the nightly walk that we did. Because it wasn’t as important.