I left his office and went outside. The weather was hot and humid and the clouds were overcast, as if at any moment it would rain.
I walked to nowhere, it was a big city, but getting lost wasn’t a worry, I knew my way around.
I walked and walked until I was at a doorstep, no, not a doorstep, a church.
Never before had I been to a church in my life; unless you counted the few weddings and funerals I had been to, which I didn’t.Still, I noticed the sign on the door that read, “Our Door Is Always Open,” and saw a light on in the sanctuary.
I walked in, I was a mess, and I didn’t know what else to do. The first thing I saw was a young guy, in his early twenties, dusting the pews.
He turned and looked at me, then he sat down his furniture polish and extended his hand, “Hello, I’m Dave, or, as many people prefer to call me, Pastor Dave,”
I looked at him; he couldn’t be a pastor, could he? “Hello, I’m Bella,”
“Bella, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, his red hair was a dull red, almost brown and cut short.
“You-you too,” I said back.
He was nice. It was just a known fact, like when you see someone and are automatically attracted to them, that’s how I was with Dave. Not attracted in a physical way of course, just a way that made me open up to him for some unknown reason.
“So, now I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to give up. How can everything fall apart so quickly when it took years to build it up?” I finished. I had just told this total stranger my whole life story. I was losing it.
“Well,” he began slowly, “It’s not Sunday so I won’t preach at you,” I smiled at his humor, “But, I will tell you that I went through a very similar situation.”
“You did? But you’re so…”
He smiled, “I know, it doesn’t seem like it, but my fianc left me alone after seven years together and my mom had just died of cancer, it was a tough time, and I was angry, looking for help was the last thing I wanted, but also the one thing I needed,”
“Help,” I echoed, considering this.
He shook his head and continued, “Yeah, help. And the thing I learned was that people are so tangible, relationships are too. Sure, you want everything to work out, but things change, God is constant,”
“But if God’s here, why isn’t he helping?” I questioned.
“He is here, and he is helping. Just open your eyes and look for him,”
I left the church with Dave’s number and a little Bible I promised to begin to read.
And read it I did, I sat in my car for hours and flipped through the pages, squinting at the small print. The stories I read were amazing; an enormous flood, a sea parting for people, a man dying for me…
All this blew my mind and I realized that religion couldn’t hurt me. I mean, here was this almighty God that loved me and wanted to help me. How could I say no? So, I closed my eyes and let my head rest on the steering wheel, I prayed. I prayed for a long time, for a lot of people. I prayed for dad and Kim, mom and I, Mason, Lauren, Emi, Frankie….the list went on and on. I prayed for things I didn’t even knew I wanted, like faith and hope and being able to be strong, and when I was done, I felt so much better.
I had found something amazing here.
I went home in a good mood, or as good as it could be. My newfound love for Jesus was overwhelming, but I still loved Mason. I knew he needed help though, and that’s what I wanted to give him.
I also knew that he was stubborn and he may need time before he was ready to talk. In the meantime, I planned to make things right with other people; or, as right as they could be.
First though; I wrote a letter,
I miss you.
I love you.
I want to talk to you; if you want to talk to me. I know things are hard, I know, trust me, but just remember that I love you so much. I’m not good with letters and this has to sound awful and desperate, but if this is what it takes; so be it. Please call; I just want a chance to talk. I need it…