I heard the door open. I knew it was Jayson, the sound of his footsteps familiarly hitting the same pattern on the stairs they had hit for years. I sat up on my bed and watched him walk in.
He looked as beautiful as always; but concern was creased on his face.
“Lauren, is everything alright?”
I stared at him and said, “Sit down; yeah I think that would be a good idea,”
He hesitantly sat in my desk chair and looked at me.
“Uhm, well, Jayson…I’m not sure yet, but I think I might, I mean, it’s unlikely but…”
I saw realization cross his face in that instant but I kept going, knowing he needed to hear it.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurted, my heart racing.
His face looked surprisingly calm as he said, “Are you sure?”
“No,” I admitted.
“Well, then, we can hope you’re not,” he said strongly.
I looked up at him, “And if I am?”
He sighed, “If you are, then we deal with it.”
“We?” I asked.
He took my hands in his, “We. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, and then he left.
I felt so much better I had told him, but still awful. Our stupid mistake was going to possibly ruin our life.
Dinner that night was impossible. Emi was at a friend’s house; and with Mason and Bella gone, since they were usually here, the house seemed empty. Mom, dad, and I sat in silence and ate our homemade pizza and cheesecake. I felt awful not telling them, but I knew it would worry them too much. Mom’s sister had been sick, Mason’s health had always been a worry, and with Emi at a friend’s they always worried she’d get hurt, since she was accident prone. The last thing they needed was to know they may be having a grandchild.
I excused myself early and took a hot shower. I went to bed at eight and had nightmares of me holding a baby. It was awful; so awful. Just the same picture; the kid was screaming, I was alone, and I didn’t know what to do.
I woke up covered in sweat and glanced at the clock; six oh eight.
I got up and got ready for school. I didn’t want to go and have to talk to people normally for a day but I did.
As I walked up to the high-class brick building Soph practically ran into me.
“You okay?” she asked, concerned.
I shook my head, “Yeah, I’m fine,”
“Promise?” she asked.
I sighed, “Promise.”
She left it at that and we walked in to the building together. People seemed to sense I didn’t want to talk and mostly left me alone. At lunch, Jayson sat by me and it was way too awkward for us to talk to other people when I knew we were both dying to know our futures.
After school he caught up with me, “Soccer practice today, you coming?”
“I don’t think so, Mason and Bella got back last night and I kind of wanted to see them,” I said. I knew Coach would be furious I skipped but it’s amazing how petty sports and things seem when you are dealing with an issue as big as a kid.
Jayson shook his head and jogged off to the field. Things weren’t weird between us, just tense; we were alright when we were alone together, without people questioning our every move. But school was hard; people assumed we were dating and asked stupid questions like if we had kissed yet. I wanted to slap them all.
I didn’t walk home, but instead to Mason and Bella’s apartment. I knew they were planning on moving out soon; to something bigger, though I didn’t know if they would move away or not. I knocked on the door and Mason answered.
“Lauren!” he exclaimed, giving me a bear hug.
I hugged him back and then let go, Bella was standing behind him though, and grabbed me in another hug before I could protest. I laughed and pulled away.
Bella filled me in on their honeymoon details. They had gone to the Bahamas it was fun and sunny and warm. She was tan and beautiful and Mason had had real song writing inspiration on the beach.
Then she looked at me, “Lauren is everything okay?”
I sighed, “Sure,” I said, unconvincingly.
Mason, who had been watching football, turned off the television.
Bella looked at me worriedly, “Lauren?”
Tears threatened my eyes, “I-I…”
She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me, “What is it?”
“I need help,” I said, as I cried onto her shoulder.
“Tell me what we need to do,” Mason said gently.
“I’m not sure how much you can do, though, there is one thing.”
Bella seemed eager to do something and said, “What?”
In that moment i felt absolutely awful about everything I had done; every bad desision I had made, the drinking, the partying, that one night. I'd have taken it all back,I was so irresponsible.
I sniffled and buried my head into her neck, I muffled something and they asked me to repeat it.
I sat up and stared out the window, “I need a pregnancy test.”