Am I dead? I don’t feel dead. I opened my eyes and I saw Jack laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. When I looked up there was a boy at the doorway. I recognized him from my homeroom class. The one who only sleeps, Benjamin.

“I heard screaming,” he said coming towards me. “Are you ok?”

“Does it look like I’m ok! I just saw him kill my mother!” I yelled through sobs, still shaking. He looked at me for a second in silence and then said,” I called the cops.”

“What?!” I exclaimed standing up. “Why’d you do that for?”

“What do you mean? I did you a favor.”

“You call that a favor?” I asked. “You just sent me to a foster home.”

“So, what’s so bad about being in a foster home?” he asked. “At least they’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” I yelled grabbing my backpack. “I can take care of my self!”

Putting my backpack on, I headed out the door.

“Where are going?” Benjamin asked.

“Away from here. You should do the same before they arrest a minor for having a possession of a gun.”

While walking away from my home, Benjamin followed behind me.

“What are you gonna do now?” he asked. I turned to him and scold, “Stop following me!”

He put both hands up and said, “Whoa, hey. I’m sorry. You just seem a little bit shaken up.”

“Ya’ think?” I said, sarcastically walking away. He still followed.

“I can help you, if you want,” Ben said.

“I don’t need help.”

“Yeah you do,” he nodded walking faster next to me. “You need money…lots of money.”

“I don’t need mo…”

“Don’t say you don’t need money,” he interrupted. “We both know you need money.”

I stopped and turned to him. “Alright! What do you want?”

“I wanna help you out,” he said. I asked, “How?”

“Well, I know a way that you can get a lot of money.”

“Ben! Can you just tell me how?” I demanded, getting annoyed just looking at him. I’ve never felt so irritated by someone before.

“Well, come to my house and I’ll explain,” he said walking away. A part of me wanted to say no. But, I couldn’t resist to fact that he said “a lot of money”. And I need a lot of money. So, I agreed and followed him to his house.

When I got to his house, he locked the door behind him. I followed him to a room where I saw a girl and a boy sitting down around a table. On the table was a bag of something that looked like sugar. And they were sniffing it through tiny little straws. Benjamin grabbed a bag and poured some on his hand.

“Wanna try?” he asked me. I didn’t want to look stupid in front of his friends. So, I let him pour it in my hand. I brought it close to my nose and took a sniff. When I felt the inside of my nose burn as hell I backed away and gave it back to him.

“It’s iight if you don’t like it,” he said. “You’ll get use to it.”

Use to it? That’s the last time I ever sniff anything like that

October 4th, 2008-9:05 A.M.

This morning my house was all over the news. Apparently, the investigators are still trying to identify the bodies and figure out what happened. All they know is that they found a man lying on his stomach with a bullet in his back and a woman with a bullet under her eye with blood splattered all over her and the wall. They also said that if the person who called the cops should turn himself in so they can question him or him. And they are also looking for witnesses.

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“What am I gonna do?” I asked Ben. “There looking for witnesses. What if they find out that I was there and that you were the one who shot Jack?”

“”You can tell the cops what happened,” Ben suggested.

“There’s no point,” I shook my head. “Jack is already dead and that’s his sentence. He deserved it. And besides I don’t wanna get sent to a foster home.”

“Look its ok. The cops don’t have any witnesses,” he said. “And they don’t know that I shot Jack. So, we good.”

“What if…what if my neighbor tells the cops…no…never mind,” I said trying the thoughts out of my head.

“Hey, let me show you how to sell those,” he said pointing to bags on the table. “It’ll get your mind off of the shooting, okay?”

I nodded and shrugged, “Ok, I guess.”

So, he went to his room and grabbed a few bags and gave me some. We put it on out pockets and headed out the door. We walked downtown and stopped when we got to an abandoned factory. We leaned against wall of the building and watched the a few cars pass by. While waiting, I started to have second thoughts. What am I getting myself into? What if I get caught? I could go to jail. I can’t do this. This is not me.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a car beep. We both looked up and saw a busted old pick up truck. Ben nodded at me to go. So I did. I put my hands in my pockets and walked up to the pick up truck. I kept my eyes focus on the guy in the car. He was an old man with a long beard. What if he’s a cop in disguise? I saw the movie ‘Honey’ where Romeo gets caught. What if that happens to me?

When I got to the truck, I quickly looked around and then handed him the bag. He gave a couple of $50 bucks. When I saw how much money he gave me, astonished I quickly put it in my pocket. What a lot of money for an long-bearded guy in a pick up truck. I thanked him and when he drove off, I went back to leaning against the wall with Benjamin. When I went to hand him the money he shook his head and said, “You earned it.”

I thanked him and smiled. That wasn’t so hard. After a few three or more deals, we headed back to Ben’s place. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I counted the money. A total of $705. All that in one day.

October 11th, 2008-7:23 P.M.

Everyday Benjamin and I would lean against the building and sell…well you know. Even though I don’t use it to sniff I think I’m getting the hang of selling it. Sometimes I would be selling it alone and other times it would be with Benjamin. Ben and I have become good friends. I stopped going to school. There’s no point in going. It’s a waste of time. But, Benjamin still goes occasionally. Don’t ask me why because I have no clue. I also stopped hanging out with Carlos. Every time I see him I just know what he wants to talk about. So I try to ignore him. Since I don’t go to school anymore SBD (Samantha, Brianna, and Darcy; for short) don’t jump me anymore.

Guess what? I dyed my hair black. Well, I didn’t really but Benjamin’s sister Carla did. She also cut my bangs. If she wasn’t a drug dealer she could’ve went to beauty school and she even could open her own salon. When I told her this she said drug dealers don’t have a career and that they never will. And that she’s a nobody. And then she said I was a nobody too. I got mad at her for telling me this. But now I think…I sell drugs just like she does…so that makes me a drug dealer. And since I’m a drug dealer that makes me a nobody too.

I gained more weight. I think I waste money on food than anything else. This morning I went to McDonalds and bought the large breakfast deluxe. The pancakes were good. For lunch I ate two big Macs that Benjamin brought me and a medium fries and soda. It was good. And since I was fool I didn’t eat anything for dinner except for a granola bar that I bought in the corner store.

Oh, and I bought a new ipod. Benjamin bought a laptop. It’s neat because it’s different from a regular computer. Also, I dress better. My style is not like any other. I buy jeans cut holes in the knee part. I like my jeans that way. I also bought a Rodney Atkins Hat. I don’t know who Rodney Atkins is…but I do know that who ever he is…I think he made the hat….anyways so I liked the hat and I bought it. It has a hot pink R in the middle. And its has ripped parts in it. And I bought a Real Girls Sk8ts Sweatshirt. Its brown. I wanted it red but they ran out. Oh well.

Things are getting pretty good I guess. I know this is not the life that I dreamt of but, it’s better than nothing.

Once, in awhile I go to Georgia’s house to hang out with her. We’ve also become good friends. But, she doesn’t know about me selling drugs. When she heard about Jack and my mom I told her that I was living with a close relative. Oh, and she likes my new look. She says it looks great on me.

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October 27, 2008-3:09 P.M.

It happened. But, not to me. To Benjamin. A car pulled up like any other day. Since, we take turns to deal it was Benjamin’s turn this time. He went to the car and when he went to hand the guy the pack the guy in the car grabbed his arm tight. I didn’t know what to do so I ran. I hope Ben doesn’t rat on me. I can’t believe he got caught. That could’ve been me. I don’t want that to happen to me. So, I’m gonna quit selling drugs. I’ve saved up enough money. I have $800. That’ll be enough for a month I think. I’m going to Georgia’s house to tell her the truth. Maybe shell let me stay at her house for a while.