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"He Is Just Too Strong"

Novel By: XxEmoHeartxX
Young Adult


Follow Taylor's story as she falls in love with a seemingly perfect guy, only to find out later on that he is severely abusive, possessive, and obsessive! View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Submitted: Jun 8, 2008    Reads: 614    Comments: 14    Likes: 5   


So I guess my story starts on the last day of my junior year in high school. I remember that day perfectly. I was wearing a pair of black vans tennis shoes, a pair of neon blue leggings, a black mini skirt, and a skin tight black  long sleeve shirt with neon blue stripes on it. I had a neon blue bow in my long raven black hair which was stick straight and covering half of my face. I was walking towards the doors that led to the outside…to the world where teachers didn’t control your every move. I was your typical nobody…an outcast…a loner. I guess people would stereotype me as Emo. I had no friends, and I guess I sort of liked it that way now that I think about it. That way I didn’t have to think of excuses for the bruises that my step father gave me. I wouldn’t have to think of excuses for why they couldn’t come over when they asked. My step father would probably murder me if I came home with friends who wanted to spend the night. If my dad was still alive he would have loved it. He would have been one of those awesome dads that would drive us to concerts and pick us up afterwards, so he wouldn't embarress us. He would have brought us home and let us have a fire in the fire place, while we stayed up all might and watched scary movies. He would have would be one of those dads that you would be able to tell everything to. He would have been a best friend when I needed him to be and a father when I needed him to be. That's how I imagined him to be if he was still alive. Anyways, I was walking towards the doors to freedom when a group of jocks and their preppy girlfriends rounded the corner. One of them, Justin, ran right into me. He was about 5’ 10”…3 inches taller than I was, and was farely skinny yet muscular. He had shaggy blonde hair and piercing green eyes. He was cute…if your into the whole jock meets wanna-be prep meets rich boy look that is.

        “Hey freak your in my way!” Justin said to me, causing all of his friends to laugh. That’s what people knew me as in my school…freak.

        I rolled my eyes and said, “You ran into me, not the other way around!” Justin simply laughed and forcefully pushed me out of the way. “Oh and I’m the freak?!” I whispered as I walked away.

        “What did you say?” Justin said turning around and looking at me.

        “Never mind!” I said as I walked away. ‘I’m so glad school is over for the summer!’  I thought to myself as I walked out of the doors and into the fresh summer air. I started my long walk home. I lived with my mother and step father 5 miles away from the school.

        I wasn’t even half way home when I felt soembody’s hand over my mouth. I was pulled backwards into an alley. Whoever it was pulled me to the very back of the alley, slammed me into the brickwall, and held me there. I whimpered in pain and immediately saw that it was Justin. He took his hand off of my mouth to move my hair away from my face. “Let me go!” I screamed, struggling as hard as I could. He slapped me, causing me to cry out in pain.

“You have a big mouth, you know that? I’m going to teach you a lesson that you will never forget! You’ll learn to respect me!” he whispered harshly into my ear. He started to kiss my neck, biting it gently eery once in a while.

“Get off of me!” I pleaded trying to push him off. He didn’t even blink. “Stop!” I whispered as I started to cry.

“Not till I’m done sweetie…” he whispered. He started to kiss my lips.

“She told you to stop!” somebody said from behind Justin. I recognized the voice as Adam’s. He was the school’s star wrestler. Imagine…6’3”, skinny yet very muscular, short brown spiked hair, and blue eyes…your imgining Adam. He was cute. He was a senior. He was the only person in my school that had never made fun of me. Justin and Adam were always fighting about something or another.

“Go away Adam! This doesn’t concern you!” Justin said not even turning around to face Adam. He just continued to kiss me.

“Justin I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if you don’t get off of her!” Adam said taking a step forward. Justin chuckled, but continued to kiss me.  I continued to try and push him off, but I was no where near strong enough. “Fine have it your way!” Adam said. He rushed forward and grabbed Justin by the back of the shirt. He pulled Justin off of me with ease. “Get out of here Taylor!” Adam yelled.

I was surprised he even knew my name. I ran past the two of them as fast as I could. Clumsy me tripped over an old pipe that was lying on the ground. Justin had somehow gotten away from Adam and was coming towards me. Adam grabbed Justin again, but Justin turned around and punched Adam in the stomache. Then he punched Adam across the face. Justin came towards me again, but I was too terrified to get up and run. He grabbed my hair and pulled me to my feet. He flung me against the brick wall. After hitting the brickwall I slowly slid to the ground, and Justin started to kick my stomache over and over again. Adam grabbed Justin again and started to hit him. As they were fighting sleep closed in on me and I passed out.


5

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Comments:

onother story...YAY!

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Lol I hope you enjoy

Wow it was so beautifully described. I like the font too it reminds me of a diary for some reason. Please write more.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

I love that font too, but I can't figure out how to get it back to that...I'm such a blonde sometimes lol

A little off on some punctuation and grammer (sorry, little things bother me! lol) but i really liked the story I'm definitely going to read more! =]

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

I'll try to fix that

a old reader of the-n
(not registered user)

omg i remember dis story u changed a lot of names though good job

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Ya I had to because the people in the version of this story on the-n were people I knew in real life so...yeah! Glad you like it

This just plays out like a movie in my head perfectly. Good job. Just be careful with your grammar and try not to over-describe things. All of the descriptions and details run together, like at the very beginning, and it's hard to take them all in at once.

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

I'm sorry...

good job!
i loved it :D

-Masha

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you! :D

omg this is like awesome. i love it. your a very good writer.going to read the next one haha.
tillz

Posted: Jun 15, 2008

From what I've read of it, your an very talent writer. And you seem to share the topic matters I write about. I wish you luck with futher writing.

Posted: Jun 21, 2008

lol wow...you had me drawn into this. its really captivating and interesting. my heart was beating as i read this lol...i think you're really good at getting your point across. you chose the right words, even though there were some errors but it was really awesome!

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much

oops..i meant my heart was beating faster..my mistake. :P

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

This was awesome. I've only gotten this far in reading it...lol...but it is very good. Hmm....I think Imma give you a nice long comment :D

So in the first paragraph, where you're describing her hair...that just seemed a little odd to me. Just the way it was written...the cliche use of "raven" as a means for black, maybe. I really liked the part where she was describing how her dad WOULD be if he had still been alive. Very much something a teenager would do to find a way out, to keep blaming things going wrong in their life, to think of how everything could be so much better. However, I'd take out the sentence where it says something like "This is how I imagine things would be if he were still alive" because we already KNOW that she is simply imagining this and it is not real [[because you said that he was dead already, it's strongly implied]]. Also, maybe make that first paragraph into a couple of paragraphs...it's too much info at once talking about too many different things. Especially when she runs into those other kids.

There are a few spelling and grammatical errors, such as with a lot of "your" which should be "you're". There's also a few spots with word repetition that probably shouldn't be used so close together, like in paragraph 3 with "alley".

With the dialogue, maybe tone down the exclamation points. It makes it seem fakey. We know when people are using different tones, generally, simply because of the things they say and the context they are used in. So many exclamation points probably aren't necessary.

Really, though, this was an awesome story so far. I'll definitely be reading the rest.

[[This whole huge thing wasn't even 300 words...how the hell do people get to 1000???]]

~Jess

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Lol thank you so much for all of the advice and i'm not sure how people get to that many words

ooo i like...continuing. lol

Posted: Aug 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Haha

Very beautiful story. It made me feel for you character, even in those few short paragraphs. Continue writing because you've made it more than a craft, but a full blown art form.

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much! :D

Very welcome. I read your story in half an hour (I know, fast reader). Please keep me updated and feel free to check out my work in progress (aka My Novel Teaser).

Posted: Aug 4, 2008



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Other writing by XxEmoHeartxX Kidnapped... My Almost Happy Ending Raining Sadness To My Dearest Love 3 Days With Him More..



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Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

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