Why does he want to find out whats going on, now that he knows about my past why cant he just be like everyone else and drop it. It was better for him if he didnt know, besides I doubt he would really believe me anyways. I did bring this all upon myself. If only I hadn't killed her. Then things might have been ok, but oh well cant change the past now.
I put my mask face on, not wanting anyone to get suspicious of me and why I was confused and upset. If my parents asked I would just have to lie, I didnt want to get into trouble or get Dylan into any kind of trouble. Although I doubt that was possible, it would just all get blamed on me. Like it always does.
I went to the kitchen and started to cook. It was actually kind of nice, even though I hated doing it at first it has grown on me, and I now quite enjoy it now. I would have liked to have been a chef one day but I doubt I would ever have the money to put myself through school and there wasnt many placees to do an apprenticeship. And if I didnt have enough money to put myself through school I definetly didnt have enough money to move out.
I went through the rest of my routine, setting the table, grabbing drinks for everyone. I was somewhat surprised that Dylan or Thomas werent suspicious of me not eating dinner with everyone. Although I'm sure that Dylan might be slightly suspicious especially after last night. Me and my big mouth, if only I could have kept it shut. Just before 7 I started dishing dinner up and then right on 7 I served it up to everyone. I then went back to the kitchen and did all the dishes. After they were done I dried and put them away and made myself something to eat.
I ate it quickly knowing that any minute now I would have to go and get the dishes from them and I wouldnt want to keep them waiting. I was right, only a couple of minutes later mum called for me asking for me to come and get the dishes.
"I think I would like to help with the dishes tonight." Dylan said as I picked up the plates.
As soon as the words left his mouth I almost dropped the plates in my hand, I could see dad twitching with anger. Of course he thought I was behind this.
"No, it's fine. I dont mind doing them." I replied hoping to tone down the situation.
"But you cooked such a lovely meal, I couldn't let you clean as well." He replied.
Couldn't this boy take a hint. I mean there is no way he couldnt see the look currently plastered across my dad's face. He looked as though he was about to murder someone.
"I insist that it's fine. You just go and relax." I told him, before taking the plates to the kitchen.
Hopefully he wouldnt follow me, I already knew I was in trouble. Him coming in here would only make things worse, much worse. And I really didn't want to push dad's limits, not when I had over heard him telling Thomas that he had, had a rough day at work. Who knew how far his limits had already been pushed today, even though I was sure that he wouldn't do anything while they were here. But you never know.
I quickly did the dishes and made my way upstairs and into my room. I shut the door quietly not wanting to be noisy. I got changed into my pajamas and then sat on my bed pulling out my homework. An hour later and I was complete, I packed it away into my bag for tomorrow. I did like to be organised sometimes.
After I was finished I grabbed my book off the bedside table and opened it up to my spot. I had only read a few pages when I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I would know those steps anywhere. It was dad and he wasnt happy. You could tell because he was louder then usual, stomping almost. He had a heavy walk but when he was mad it was worse. Not many people could notice it but I had heard it enough to know that he was angry.
I put my book back on my bedside table know, knowing he was coming for me. Something had happened in the past ten minutes, I had done something even though I was up here. My door was opened slowly and I looked up at dad, I could see the anger in his eyes. This was not going to end well. If only I could figure out what I had done. He stepped into the room closing the door behind him, so no one could see if they came up the stairs.
He stalked over to the bed and yanked me to my feet by my hair. I really wanted to cry out in pain but I knew better. I would only get it worse. Once I was standing he slapped me hard across the face. I felt the sting instantly, as well as the stray tear that made its way down my face. I didn't want to cry and I knew no more would fall. I wouldnt let them.
"You ungrateful girl after all we have given you, you still cant follow simple rules. Leave the guests alone, they dont want to be bothered by your useless, ungrateful prescense. I can't believe you getting rides off of Dylan and then putting him up to helping you do the dishes." He said before hitting me in the stomach.
I knew it would be pointless trying to tell him I didn't ask him to do those things, that he simply offered. He would never believe me. I simply looked at the floor waiting for him to continue.
"You are to stay away from him, you will be polite but other then that you will stay away. No more lifts, dishwashing offers or anything else. Do you hear me?" He said forcefully while grabbing my upper arms causing me to wince and look up at him.
I nodded my head in response, not wanting to open my mouth. With a couple of final hits to my stomach he left. I would do everything possible to stay away from Dylan. I didnt want to upset my father anymore then necessary. Once I was sure he had gone back downstairs I grabbed my towel and raced to the bathroom, not wanting to run into anyone on the way. It would just cause questions. Ones that I couldnt, and didn't particularly want to answer.
I locked the door behind me, before turning on the water. I quickly got undressed and grabbed something out of my draw, before getting into the shower. I tilted my head backand let the hot water run through my hair and down my back. It slowly started to relax me.
Sitting down on the ledge in the shower I looked at the object in my hand. I knew that I shouldn't, that Emma would be disappointed with me but I didnt care I needed that release. The familiar rush, I needed to get away for a while so I took the small razor blade and ran it acorss my wrist. The same way I had done many times before. Closing my eyes I let myself enjoy the pain for a split second, before opening my eyes.
I then contined making cuts, once I was done on one wrist I swapped hands and started making some on the other wrist. I continued until I couldn't feel the pain in my face or stomach or arms anymore. After I was done I just sat there and watched the blood run down my hands. I sat there for a bit longer before getting up and rinsing the blood off.
I switched the shower off, and climbed out. Looking in the mirror I noticed a bruise forming on my face, looking down I also noticed bruises on my arms and stomach. At least I would be able to hide those ones. I dried off and got back into my pajamas. I then opened the door and went to go back to my room. I could see Dylans door open but I had to make a run for it, I couldnt hide in the bathroom all night. I was almost in my room when I heard him call my name.
I turned around to see what he wanted, his face changed from annoyed to shocked to concerned. At first I couldn't figure out why, then I remembered my face and arms. Before waiting for a response I bolted into my room and shut the door, how could I be so stupid.
I turned off my light and climbed into bed, pulling the covers tight around me. I laid my head on my pillow and for the first time in a long time I cried. I didnt want to but I couldnt help it, I felt so stupid. How could I have let it slip my mind for that split second and let him see. I was going to be in so much trouble.
I heard the shower turn on and realised Dylan must have been having a shower. I heard someone on the stairs so I quiented my sobs down, I didnt want to get into anymore trouble tonight. I dont think I would be able to handle it.
It must have been one of my parents because I heard there door open and shut. The shower turned off not long later and then I heard Dylan shut his door. For some reason this caused me to cry more. I didnt want him to know and I didnt want him to look at me like everyone else does. A part of me wanted him to know, even though I had denied him all this time.
Ever since the dream the other night, I was finding it harder and harder to keep it together. I dont know why, I had done it all this time. I quietened my cries again when I heard more feet on the stairs. Hearing two doors shut I knew that everyone had gone to bed.I tried to stop crying but it was proving to be really hard.
I must have lossed focus because I could suddenly hear footsteps outside my door. I closed my eyes and told myself to keep quiet. Maybe if they thought I was asleep they would leave me alone. The door opened slightly and someone slipped inside. I kept my eyes closed so I had no idea who it was. The bed shifted slightly under the weight of the person who just sat down.
"I know your awake." The person said softly.
I knew who it was, and I closed my eyes tighter half hoping I was wrong half hoping I wasnt. But when I felt a hand start softly rubbing my back I knew I wasn't wrong. And from that simple act I burst into tears again. The person shifted slightly so that they were on my bed more and the pulled me onto there lap still rubbing my back softly. I desperately wanted to stop crying but I couldnt.
"I'm sorry." I managed to sob out.
"It's ok, it's alright to cry. I'm not going anywhere, just let it all out." Dylan whispered softly, still rubbing my back.
i didnt try and respond, I don't think I would have gotten one word out. I just continued to cry on his lap while he rubbed circles on my back in a soothing manner. I don't know how long I was crying for but slowly my sobs died down to just sniffles.
My eyes started to close, I was so tired. Crying really took it out of a person. I went to move off of Dylans lap but he held me tighter. Even though I knew that if we were discovered like this I would be in huge trouble I was too tired and upset to protest. I just closed my eyes and let my body drift off into sleep. The last thing I heard before my mind went blank was 'What have they done to you.'