I had lost myself,
And the old me was gone forever.
I kept searching in vain,
Looking for a piece of what I used to be,
Somewhere, anywhere.
But it was just too far gone.
It was forever lost in darkness.
I had changed so much for my friends,
For you,
Just to be loved and accepted.
But I was no longer myself.
You were happy,
And that was all that mattered.
You never cared about me,
But I really never knew.
I was blind to your hate for me.
I just thought someone cared.
After you left me,
I tried to find myself,
And failed.
It’s been so long since that time,
So much searching had made me weary.
I’m trying to hold on to my old self,
But my grip is slipping.
I want to be the way I used to be,
With friends who really cared about me.
I never meant for this mask to be permanent,
Just a temporary disguise,
To hide me from the liars.
It turned into what I am becoming,
A monster.
I remember my old self,
But I’m afraid that’s all it will be,
A memory.
Never again will I make the same mistake,
Take the blow for people who never truly cared,
And never will.
My so called “friends”,
I saw them at their worst.
They were liars,
And deceived me from the beginning.
I can restore myself,
The broken pieces will be replaced.
It only takes time.
But I’m afraid that finishing will only make them want to destroy me,
And make me their puppet again.
So many changes were made,
That it’s easy to becomes one of them again.
The pieces a fragile,
And easily broken.
Every time I pick myself up,
They push me down.
Every time I walk silently,
They find me and ambush me.
They will break the pieces of my repaired wall,
And inject their poison deep into my core.
When I find myself,
They will rip it out of my hands and destroy it.
They are just waiting for me to get weaker,
So they can fully take over.
I watched my old self go by,
And could do nothing to stop it.
This will be the last time,
The last time I tell them,
I am not going back.
I will not listen to their sly words,
I will remind myself what they did to me.
No matter how many struggles I may face trying to go back,
Trying to fix things,
I will carry on,
Weak as I am,
To the end.
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