the new begining
i never felt this way about anyone, you know kristin is about the only person that dosent run, or has toltal fear. the things tha she dose is wierd but i gusse this what you call love or something like that. like she change my whole life around, i would've been in another counrty or something and id be shooting some guy i dont know and driving sweet cars and all, but i had time to find some one who would acaully lisen, care, no fear of me, and who isnt afraid of a callange. and i found thatright here were the last spot of looking, and well more like she found me, because i wanted to give someone one last kiss on this world and i did, and i didnt know that things would turn out like this its amazing what a little thing like this can do, you know, it bugs me when she dosent say things on her mind but she wants me to open my mind when she dosent, i love her so much and she dosent know. the few things that bug me that im working on, but im just going with the floow. i was thinking about what her friend said about froe play, you know like new wrold new doors new starts. but there are things that scair her, and i want to know but there a steel volt that i have to pry off,but the whole fore play is bugging the shit out of me and i want her apinoin. i know now and i feel, well there is no words, but it happen because it happen and id loved it, like it was just like me losing my you know, and id do it again if she asked, i would. for some reson, before her id wouldn't give my life for anything, but now its like my life is hers and no longer mine, if that makes sence. i dont know if she gives me head personaly i dont care, but if it happens then it happens. i dont care i dont want to push her into it but she gets too cocky, and shes not able to do what she says, but yet theres a 50%/50% she dose what says but the other 50% she dosent i wish she just amit to it that there is a few things she cant do, but she is suburn and I LOVE THAT, i dont know why but i do. last night WAS amazing, i never felt stronger when im with her now its like incerdible strangth and our bond is never been strong. i know i cant be the perfect boyfriend or the perfect person to talk to but i know that i have perfect love with her. but i wonder if she ever get tired of the same thing every day with me, it could be my head but thoughts are what makes us human, like if she whats i can hide everything inside and bottle it, but i dont like it when shes made at me but she wants me to speak my mind and when i do its world war 3 and its dangerous. i love her and i dont want to lose her. thngs that go on in my mind are scary. but then again the things are grue some, all i know is that she is too cocky for her likeing, but i find its cute, because it brings the fun out of it, then again diapointing, but thats life i gest, and life is full of superize, you just got to becareful of what you do with that.but i love life as it is, i wouldnt change a thing at all. you know i find this 4 play foolish for some reason, then again im coureus about it but she isnt and its wierd ot talk to a person who laughs at the word 4 play, and i gest im sexualy-active, but idont know anymore, its like i want toadventure but there is no one to do it with but i gust it'll happen when it happens, i gust i like that saying.well i know i sound like i dont, oh my god it was beyond words, she actually sucked him, it was so weird and good at the same time and id want it again.
wow, that is one of the many words i can say, i liked doing what we did on the counter and the computer desk, now that was what i call sex, i dont know if she would do it again but i hope it go farther than it went, you know for some resone i want to do what thay do in porno with kristin, i know she probly hit me if she found out or give drity looks and act cute. but i feel adventruos right now, i would bring her into the room right now but shes to sore or has a headach, but i just would please her for what she did to me last night, im trying to get her to give in on her shyness but then again mine as well. and we'er doing it to gether. you know she says she is fine but really shes in the most pain ever and it drives me up the wall, but i cant stay mad at her shes too cute and i love her so much i wish i could tell her, but i dont know she sould say no im too sore tonight but shes too stubern to say so. and when she says shes feels good 50% of the time shes not, but i still love her,
i love her so much and i was never so scraid of my dreams before, see when i was a kid i had dreams of me doing moves witha girl with black hair and crytal blue eyes, and as soon as i saw her i was like wow did she read my mind or see my dreams or was it her in my dreams, it was incredible after we do almost everything and it drives me nuts because its like my childhood all over again, the last time i had dreams like that, i was mocked and and made fun of for 7 years, i just hope she slows down on things because its going to hurt her is the end, you know dreams are funny, because they are a siple thing we go and get what we cant have, what i want i cant have, and if your wondering what well here it is, unwilinly have her give head, the i go and finger her and we go and fuck on the wall, or have her finsh him off with "riding" me,but i not used to someone giving me head or riding me ether, and shes is just too scraid and not used too it ether, and when she dose its when summer rain betting on your face when its just the right temp, and it like your first kiss and its like too prefect too be true, thats how it feels, i know to regulare guys its head, yeah! but not me its something more than just that, but im ramblying, anyways she lies right beside me and i wonder if she truns to hide the pain or is she shunning me for leaving for the bathroom?i dont know, i love her with all my heart, and it just kills me to see her i pain, sometime i try to forget mine and foces on her thats how much i love her. ypu know, sometime your dreams become fantasy, and its really hard to control them when 2 of them have been acomplsh, it is trust me. but i never know that some else might want those fantasys as well but i guest i have to find out now dont i.
dreams can come true?? i wonder these things when i in the dark and thinking, 2 of my dreams have, and i want more, i dont know why but it fells like i want to unlock everything and i want to do them with krstin alexzander, why her and not a porn slut, because i love her and trerrash and die for her, that my friends is called frist and last true love. and theres no one who can take that from me, when i say i love you to her i mean it, you know, its like a bond between you and your dick or your tits, it that priceless, beacuse you wouldnt give those up for anything, even when the docter says sorry sir in oder to live we have to cut your balls off, you punch the docter and you say "bitch say that again i didnt hear you right", its like that, i love her sssssssoooooooooooooooo much its not even funny, i know this changes the subjuct but eh, you know that some times i think she like giving mehead, she says she like it when i moan, well yeah of caorse, i do to, but its so wird how gose and just dose it i dont know how she dose it but she makes me want more i know i shouldnt be saying that, but i like typing my thoughts out it makes me feel.................................................................human.but is it really this bad, wanting somthing you cant have and not killing for it is one of the biggest changes for me, you know having just one of your fantasys come true is the best thing ever.
i cant beleave shes on her period, like noooooo, but it was bound to happen some time right, its just, not long enough with the hair, but dreams are meant, to come back, ........................right?anyways the the thoughts of the fantasys are winning because of her well the month thing, when she told me that giving me head would help her in my mind, it would but i didnt want to admit to it because she can only do that and it makes things more intersting and thats creepy, because it the only thing she can do, and its difficult really, thou it makes my mind go blank, and my body just takes over..................................i like it..............i love it.................i want it.................................but things arent meant to come true sometimes, i guest this means i have to be very in minded for now on in order to keep me urges down
holy shit i nver wanted anyone so much, she finaly made my body go lose, and i wish for her to contain it by agression, but she dosnt agree i think and aventuly the lid will close for a while again because there is some stuff i wanted as a kid and i shouldnt be so greedy, i know i pinkyswore, but its becoming out of control, i remember when my urges were bad and right now there very bad, its getting to the point where im hurting her and that brings the biggest fear in me, like i said hopefuly she takes control, or the lid goes on until, i love her but it getting to ruff.........................and too hurtful......but the thing is i just feel like lanching on and fucking her until im old and dying, i know thats what you call lust and horny, but if she dyes before me id probly comitte suaside, like who else will love me after, no one but her.
i know shw loves me in all, but its like we,re strangers in bed, like she always faces the oppisite side no matter what, and for once iwish she could cuddle when she sleeps, i dont trun my back unless she dose, and still i have a hard time doing that, i love her so much, but when bed time comes its like ok cuddle untill im 99.9% asleep and dont touch me, it hurts reallt but i dont want to let her know it would hurt her very much.......................................... some times i just feel like crying my slef to sleep, but right now i have huge pain in my body, you know its amazing that she dosnt remember the thing that happen when shes at 99.9% asleep, she dosnt even remoltly trun over and ask why was i on the computer, or anything, yes she dose tell me she loves me and yes i say it back as well,
you know these last few days have been weird, i love her so much, but i hate to see when shes off and she likes both ends, i dont know what is going to happen, i know i mite be wrong, i have been before, but i dont think she like it but i dont know, its doese feel good i do amit to that, and head dosent come anymore, oh god that was the best thing i ever experiance, but i dont think she likes it thou witch i respect 100%, i dont ask anymore because its like im the only one being pleased, its going to drive me nuts this saterday, i dont know what i going to do, id probly crawl in a corner or watch moves all night or right on here, i know ill plan something when she gets back and i know what too.
you know that fanasys are flua, they dont come true they are just for and ecape of the real world, we havent been the same after this time of the month, why i dont know i think its because i said that i wont make the first moves anymore, everytime i see her i can picture that shes think if we'er nothin but sex, it drives me up the wall, and she said that she dosent want to be easy? like where did that come from, i dont think i have motive to do it anymore after that, i still love her no matter what but those two things have been going through my mind.
you know i love the look on her face tonight, i dont see why would anyone wouldnt do that for her, we still need to talk from last night that we didnt finsh, but i just i cant hold on to her for ever, i have to let be, but its so hard to i dont want to left alone, by my self, but i have to face my fears and let her fly., i wonder sometimes, why she truns away, i dont think shes use to a person who can love as much as i can, i just hope i dont scare her from it, i love her no matter what!!!
its aguest 27, 06 7:28, that was the second time i threw up and im begging to think that she is enoring me and sleeping, but it is her, i know she dosent know about this but i cant sleep, after she came home, cold, alone and sick, how worse can this get. all i know is that i think shes enoring me why i dont know yet................see it has been three times now and to soon be a forth, my tummy hurts so bad right now i acaully fainted on the side of the bed, its grewsome the pain, and because of it i have a headach and can it get any worse , i have pain in my tummy, my nees, my right shoulder and my head, plus my girl is shunning me right now as i face this alone
guess what im engage now, i know i should be happy, i am, but she dosnt do the things she used to do, but i love her and thats all that matters, right? i just dont know why she used to, it makes you wonder............
you know for some reason she came back with a sorrow body lagage, you know i dont even know why she stop or what the reason is, but she didnt tell me for a reason and i trust her, but shes not doing that for abit again, that i know, all i know is that something happen and its my falt and she wont tell me, what dose she have that is so bad that it would hurt me? what is she hiding, what is she thinking, but somethings poeple never solve or deal or get anwsear, i love her and trust her thats all i need to know,
you know i love her with all my heart and sole, but now i see a chage in her, i dont know if this is good or not but it feels every weird, its just the little pointless things that drive me up the wall.