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The envious sibling

Poem By: Kritika
Young Adult


this was for Kaori's challenge.

I had to write a poem concerning siblings and envy.....


you can see that it HAS a little personal touch to it....


I hope you enjoy it!! View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jul 7, 2008    Reads: 64    Comments: 13    Likes: 5   


I was alone for those five year(s),
when you were not there.
I was the only child ,
But then you came up,I went wild.

Now you were the cuter one,
you were sweeter the sweeter one.
You were the one,
Who enjoyed all the attention.

I was green with envy,
afterall,you were the center of attention of the bevy.
And I passed into oblivion,
Because now you were the minion.

But that day when you smiled,
and we had gone for a ride.
I held you in my arm(s),
and said it was just to keep you warm.

Now it has been 11yrs since you were born,
But I still remember the smile you had worn.
That day I shall never forget,
Try as you may,but brother I will not fret!



5

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Comments:

Nice poem Kritika........even though i never envied my sisters.......I liked this poem.....It reminded of many films........Nice concept.......

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

hehehe!!yea many indian films have had this theme over the years!!

u had elder sisters or younger ones??!

Thank you........

LOL

~Kritika

I enjoyed the words but do feel you could have improved on the way this is set out. This is a nice idea just I can see a more poetic way of expressing this. Here's some ideas -

I was alone,
For those five year(s),
When you were not there.
I was the only child,
But then you came up,
I went wild.

Now 11yrs since you were born,
I remember the smile you had worn.
That day,
I shall never forget,
Try as you may brother,
I will not fret!

These are not perfect but just ways of changing the style and I think would help your poem read more easily. I hope you view my comments constructively!

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Yes of course!
I read your comments constructively and try implementing the suggestions as far as possible!!

Um well yes it would make the poem easier to read..........but it would be quite insufficient to capture all the feelings!!

And thank you for your insightful comments gazzavis!!

~Kritika

Awwwww this is soo sweet and sooo beautiful!!I really like it alot.Soo beautiful.Forht stanza was really great and the last one too.You wrote such a beautiful poem! :)

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx a lat silvija!!

and to think that this is partially true!!!

lucky..i was alone for only 2 years..sigh..last stanza was pretty good!

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

well yes.......lucky you!!!

LOL

hi! kritika. i ve a bro and he got all the attention but it didnt affect me. for i used to fight with him horribly for every little thing and for no reason. guess, he was the only one around. and this went on till i was 17. then diplomacy took over. and now when i look back on those torrential times, embarassment takes over.

but it is all part of growing up. even fights r a reflection of sibling love. ur poem reflects a little envy but ultimately pride takes over. u do love ur bro. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

hehehe!
yea i guess I DO Luvv him enough to bear him until he grow up a bit!!!

and well i guess we both would also feel embarassed when we look at the past........BUT that's after we grow up!! =D

LOL

When I was reading this, tears started rolling down...I miss my sister ( 3 years younger) very very much...she is so cute...but always suffered because of me since she was always compared with me....Poor thing did not like to study and was always forced to...

she was so naughty ...she would climb trees and jump from there, and would run inside a pond to get the lotus flower...thank GOD we saw her and dragged her out...she is fearless even today...

How i wish i had the courage like her...and intelligence too...i used to tease her that we got her from orphanage...i was so mean...

this is a lovely poem Kritika...

...u really have a brother??

Posted: Jul 11, 2008

Author Comment:

yes di.......i have a younger brother and let me tell you.......your sister is a n ANGEL compared to him.............


and i'm not joking!!

ANd I know about the comparison thing these poor younger siblings are forced to bear..........regarding studies,mannerisms and everything else!!


LOL

~Kritika

cool poem! can totally relate to this kinda thing! I just need to learn!! he he!
XD

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Well then you can learn!! ha ha!

Anyways thanks for reading!

LOL

~Ktitika

Oh yeah, that was a really sweet piece.
Good good......

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you devilrod!

I'm glad that you took out time to read and comment!

Wow, I'm so sorry I have been out of town and unable to read this until now.

Wonderful, lovely, absolutely perfect. I love it. I'm glad I gave you this one. My younger brother is autistic and I've always been placed on the back burner to him. I needed new shoes, He wanted to go to the zoo. I needed new books, he needed new games for his gameboy because he had no friends. It was hard, but I totally understand where my mum was coming from.

Thanks.
~Kaori

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

That's so touching Kaori......in fact i din't knew about your brother and coincidentally i'm writing a novel which has an autistic kid at the centrestage.......although i have just dtarted with it! I'll be glad if you read it too!

LOL

~Kritika

maam i am the younger i have two sisters now i really feel what they feel

Posted: Jul 19, 2008

Author Comment:

well that's a good thjing i guess!
thank you for reading it!

haha this was a good peom, this would really apply top my sisters and brother an me. Im the youngst and I got a lot fo attention.

Posted: Jul 27, 2008

Author Comment:

Yes it is true......younger siblings get more love and attention AND less scolding than the elder ones!

awww i loved it this was awesome.
tillz

Posted: Jul 28, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot!!

LOL
=)

~Kritika

Kritika, I really enjoyed this poem.. I have a sister eleven months younger than myself and she was the apple of my mothers eyes.. At one time we shared a room together and she would totally destroy our bedroom. When my mother would come in she would look at me and say "you're older than her, you should know better" and my sister would smile that dirty little smile she always wore when she got away with something. We're grown now and we get along just perfect.

Posted: Aug 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thants soooooooooooo sweet!
and yes that is how all younger siblings behave!



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