Longing for Pain

I used to be scared to death,

To lose the things I loved.

I'd have rather died then let them go.

But it's too late now.

Those things are gone,

And the option of death isn't an option at all.

Will I have to live like this forever?

. . . .

Numb fromthe fear,

Of knowing the horrible truth.

Lost from the thought,

Of knowing that it will never be the same again.

Cold from the solitude,

That has taken its hold on me.

. . . .

Pain...

Let me feel pain.

I'm begging for the ability to feel again.

I'm dying to feel agony.

Anything other than this blissful,

Nothingness that surrounds me.

. . . .

I'm bracing myself.

Stab my heart a second time,

And let it bleed for the first time.

Last time it just froze.

But this time I know it will bleed.

I know I'll feel the pain at last.

. . . .

But when you're completely numb,

And have nothing left to lose,

What is there to be afraid of?

Nothing to gain and nothing to lose.

Can it be possible for me to be this free?

Or is it the numbness taking its toll on my soul?

. . . .

Bloodshed is the only thing that makes me feel.

Feeling pain is better than nothing at all.

They don't undertsand.

They think I'm crazy.

Pain has become my new salvation.

What have I turned into?

. . . .

Please strike me down.

Let me feel pain.

Let me feel anger,

So I can fight for myself for once.

Let me feel rage,

So I'll have the strength to keep fighting.

. . . .

I'd give anything to be engulfed by pain.

Let my blood be the sacrifice.

Who knows,

It may be possible for me to get back up on my feet.

Maybe I'll finally be the person I used to be.

Maybe I'll be a fighter once more.

. . . .

Happiness is just a lie,

That people are stupid enough to believe.

Peace and joy are just a disguise,

For the real world.

I traded my soul to discover what the real world was,

But the trade was the worst mistake of my life.

. . . .

Why am I so numb?

What has happened to me?

Do I have a broken heart?

I know for a fact that is not true.

How can my heart be broken,

When it no longer exists?

. . . .

I thought my heart had been broken,

But know I know it's a lie.

My heart wasn't broken,

It was stolen.

Ripped from my chest,

Never to be returned.

. . . .

And so now I'm left lifeless.

A normal heart would be in agony right now.

But I feel nothing.

My chest is a hollow mass of darkness.

And the demon inside me has finally broken lose.

It's ready to put up a fight.

. . . .

I'm done with letting people step on me.

I won't go down with this ship.

I will embrace whatever pain may come,

On this journey to redeem myself.

It's not too late,

To get me back from the dead.

. . . .

I know I need your help.

But you're not there.

Looks like I'm on my own again.

I'm ready to face the pain.

Let come what may.

Because I will be ready.