I woke up thinking it was all a
dream. Fools hope. I was still the one that flew over the
cuckoo's nest. I think it was only 6am when I woke up. Alex was
having problems as usual. Insomnia. He got meds for it but my
parents didn't want me on meds. Assholes sent me here but didn't
want me to get the medical help the offered. I remember that
morning Abby came over. She had to sleep in the room with the
younger kids because they were all girls. They didn't want guys
and girls in the same room. A counselor there looked very
familiar. I don't remember his name but he was my sex Ed teacher
from like 8th grade. Colts fan...I remember random things. But I
That day wasn't particularly
exciting. I remember I gave up on flirting with Abby. I had a
girl and she was kind of into Alex. Plus she was only 13. That
was also the day Monte chipped his tooth.
O my god my tooth is chipped!
Ya'll don't understand I am too
popular for this =ok? It's just a tooth=
O my god my tooth is
O my god my tooth is
O my god my tooth is
Wow. He's that popular that his
boyfriend would notice his chipped tooth. Yeah boyfriend but we
don't find that out until later.
John was supposed to go home that
day. He had a group session with his parents and everything. But
for some reason they wouldn't let him go. He came back looking
more depressed. I guessed it was from talking to his mom. He
often spoke of how they didn't get along. It was Saturday so we
got to watch a movie. We decided on Star Wars
My sister loved Star Wars. She
was my friend and abandoned me....but that comes
Abby had never seen Star Wars. Me,
Alex, and John loved it already. Episode one with Jar Jar Binx
was the first one I saw.
We had group again with this bald
black guy. He talked calm and slow it was with false
understanding. He gave us that "I've been where you've been" No.
No one's been where we've been you jackass.
So why are you here? I tried to
kill myself =you dumbass why the hell else would I be
Why? Felt like I had no purpose
=must everyone ask the same question? God people write it
Why didn't you? Just couldn't
=couldn't do that to her...=
He asked us about conflict. I
remember Monte talked about his mom and his teachers. The teacher
one hit me the most. He was a lot like me in that sense. Abby
didn't get along with her mom, neither did John. Alex was...well
he was Alex. He vowed to be a stoner for life...after her got his
life straight though. The consular listened to them all and I
guess I didn't talk much. He called me the observer. Said I don't
talk as much, just watch. I guess that's true. When I not around
good friends I tend just to watch. Making occasional jokes when I
felt the need. I mean I feel really unmotivated to entertain
people I don't know. Only when I was in a manic state (look it
up) was I free of social inhibitions. When I was depressed the
mental ones went away. So I can either write or just go wild with
We also went to the gym that day.
I got close to dunking. Never done that before. I lifted weights,
a younger kid, Imani, called me the muscle guy. Ha! I wish. I
went and played around the world with John. I think I won. Even
though I suck at basketball. Abby did some gymnastic stuff. Alex
flirted more with Abby. And Monte just spent time with the
We had visitors that night as
well. Alex brought his sister I think it was. He called her "the
Pill Popping Monster". He still loved her though. None for John.
Abby's grandparents came. Chassmine showed me to her parents.
They said she loved me as a friend. I was still not used to being
loved...by anyone. Then my parents came. We sat at a table alone.
The "ugh" began. SNL was on TV. They criticized it. They didn't
say much this time. But just being around them depressed the hell
outta me. I don't know why but they still do. Believe it or not
in the crazy house I felt more at home than I did with my
parents. They left and I was left feeling suicidal again, but
couldn't say that. I wanted to get out. Not to go home. To go to
The rest of the night: I ate
burrito's that made me fart for a couple days. Abby did these
cool accents. O and showed us this cool marker trick. John and I
decided that her and Alex were either gonna fight or just make
use of the hard beds we were given. I got dessert that night.
Chocolate cake. Was quite disgusting actually. Alex tossed a
lotion bomb at me and I fired back. My parents left a book for me
to read. Maximum Ride. My favorite. I read a few chapters and
went to bed. 9pm bed time now. Abby and John got to stay up till
10pm. It was based on some jank point system.
I lay down and thought of her.
Mackenzie I love you. Mackenzie I miss you. Mackenzie I'm not
blowing you off I'll be home soon. Good night baby. Sweet dreams.
I sent those words out on a strand of hope that I prayed would
End of Day 2