“Let’s just do it Kelsey!” his voice was strong and persuasive, but it wasn’t enough to make me budge. Yet.
“Jake, not here, not now” I told him. We were sitting on my bed; we’d just gotten home after he’d taken me out for a romantic dinner in the richer part of down. My parents weren’t home, so it seemed perfect, at the same time, it didn’t, I was still worried they would get home and walk in.
“It’s okay babe, we have no where else to go. I’m ready and I know you are too. I can sense it. I know it’s right. It’s the best birthday present I can give you.” He said, holding my hand.
“Maybe” I said, debating what I should do. I didn’t feel like doing it here and I still didn’t know if I was ready. At the same time, I thought I was ready, we’d waited long enough and if we didn’t do it here, we just wouldn’t do it.
He moved over and kissed me. I kissed him back, getting excited then and pulled him from beside me to on top of me. He pushed me back so we were lying down. He stopped for a minute to catch his breath. I opened my eyes, he was nodding at me and I knew what he meant.
“I’m ready.” I said, answering the question I thought he was asking me.
He nodded again and moved towards me, his lips reaching mine. His hand moved toward the bottom the dress I’d warn to dinner. I felt his hand move up until he found me. He kept kissing me as he moved back and undid my dress. Sliding it off, I sat in only my undergarments. I lead my hands to his pants and undid them. I slid them off and dropped them on the floor, on top of where he’d dropped my dress. He pulled his shirt over his head and started kissing me again.
He led my hand to him and I eased down his boxers as he pulled my underwear down. Soon we were lying there in each other’s arms with nothing on. I could feel him, hard against me. This was not unlike anything we’d done before. We’d been through this, I knew what he looked like, and he knew me. What was to come next was something neither of us had done before.
He kissed me as he held my breasts in his warm hands. The thought of asking him if he had a condom suddenly came to me. I dismissed it; we’d talked about it before. He’d always told me you couldn’t get pregnant from one time, I believed him. I knew he had no diseases; he was still a virgin too.
He moved around at his own rhythm until he found me. He moved and I could feel him inside me. It was a different feeling than I expected, but it was nice. I felt close to him, closer than I had been before. He pushed harder and I wrapped my arms around him. He moved suddenly, and making a small noise, I felt a jolt. He came and I moved in shock, only to come moments later. He froze for a minute, clearly trying to stay quiet.
Then he kissed me some more and moved back from me. I wanted to hold him and tell him to stay, but I didn’t. I knew it was over, for tonight.
He smiled at me in the darkness, “I love you”
“I love you too” I responded, still a little shook. I didn’t know it could be that – amazing. The first time was over, for both of us. I would never be a virgin again.
“Did you like it?” his whispered, laying beside me on the seat with my hand in his.
“Wow!” was all I could say.
He laughed and kissed me again.
One hour later, he was kissing me again on my doorstep. We were dressed by then and it was time to say goodbye. I didn’t want to, but I had to.
“I love you,” he whispered, for the millionth time that night.
“But I love you more” I answered as I watched him walk down the street and towards his house which was just a few minutes away. I turned back and closed the door. My parents still weren’t home; so most of the lights were still off since Jake and I hadn’t bothered to turn them on when we got in. I turned on the kitchen light and checked the time. It was 12:30, I was tired, so I went upstairs to get ready. I slid under my covers and turned the light out. I fell asleep, thinking of him. I slept dreaming of him. I woke up wishing he were still in my arms.
“P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T” I read the letters over and over in my head and wished a “N-O-T” would appear on the pregnancy test I’d just peed on. I knew it was right, I’d known ever since that night. I’d always suspected it and when I missed my period last month, I knew it had to be true. I hadn’t seen him much since that night, exams had just passed and we’d been busy studying. I cried as I sat on my bed, still holding the test. How would I tell him? How would I tell my parents? Everyone was going to hate me; I didn’t want to be known like this.
My thoughts paused when the phone rang. No one else was at home and I knew it would just keep ringing if I didn’t answer it. I wiped away my tears and cleared my voice before answering,
“Hello?” I said, my voice sounding close to normal.
“Hi! It’s me, Sophie, by the way” her voice excited and clear. Although she was my best friend, I didn’t want to tell her anything now. She wouldn’t understand. She was still a virgin and at 15 years old, maybe I should be too.
“What’s up?” I asked, hoping she would just tell me why she was calling and hang up. Which would stop the chances of me blurting my unwanted news.
“Nothing much, I was bored, so I called you, what about you?” She said. This is how she always started the conversations that lasted hours.
“I need you to come over right now” I told her a few minutes later, I’d come to the conclusion we’d been conversing for a while and I was afraid I would tell her at the wrong time. If anyone, she was going to be the easiest person I could tell.
“I’m pregnant,” I said in a whisper when she was finally here. We were sitting on the floor across from each other.
She looked scared, and then she laughed, “Very funny! Joke’s over, Kelsey, I know you’re not”
I couldn’t believe she didn’t believe me. I’d never joked about things this serious before, “Not a joke” was all I told her.
“Wait… That means you really are!” She said, glancing at my stomach, “No! You can’t be, Kelsey!”
“I am, I took the test”
“Oh, well…” was all she said.
“Don’t tell anyone, please Sophie. I don’t want people knowing. Especially my parents, I’ll tell them when they are in a good mood.”
“Okay. Whose the baby-daddy?” She asked
“Jake. The baby is my birthday-gift. He doesn’t know yet. So whatever you do, don’t tell anyone.”
“I know!” She said. She’d never been one to tell secrets, so I trusted her.
Then she said she had to go home. I knew she was really just scared. I didn’t blame her, I wanted to just walk away from it all too. But for me, that was impossible.
She was easy to tell though; I couldn’t imagine how I was going to tell my boyfriend. Even he was easier than my parents. I started thinking up how to tell them. All my plans seemed stupid and at the end of each one, I could see yelling and screaming.
In the end, I didn’t have to tell them. She did it for me. My mom came storming into my room after hanging up the phone, I didn’t know who she’d been talking to. I was sitting on my bed listening to music and reading. I glanced from my page and into her face. She looked angry. My father stormed into the room then, slamming the door behind him. He walked over to me and yanked my headphones out, looking just as angry as my mother.
“Sophie called me, she told me something that I don’t believe, and I want to know if it is. Kelsey, you know what I’m talking about” my mother said calmly.
“Are you pregnant?” My father yelled.
I didn’t say anything. I just nodded my head. Tears started rolling down my mother’s eyes and my father just looked at me coldly.
“Whose the lucky one?” My father said, sounding far from calm.
I still didn’t say anything. He knew who did it.
“Was it Jake?” He asked, realizing his mistake, “Of course it was him. That little ass. I never liked that kid; I never understood why you did either. Now look what he’s done to you!” As he said it, he seemed to calm down a little. I guess he felt better knowing it was just Jake and not someone else.
They walked out of the room then, turning the light out on me like I wasn’t there. They were both shaking their heads, my mother was still crying. This was the one time I was glad I didn’t have any siblings; there was no one there to as questions.
I called Jake the next morning. I knew I had to tell him soon. It was Sunday. I asked him to come over and he sounded happy that I wanted to see him.
“I’m pregnant,” I told him in the same tone I’d told Sophie.
He looked like he wanted to cry. Then his face hardened, “you are not”
I nodded, “I’m sorry Jake”
“Kelsey, no, you can’t be! It was one time. Who else have you been fooling around with you little slut?”
I was taken back by his reaction. I held back tears as I waited for him to say something else.
“It’s my baby?” He said, surprised, I guess.
“Why? I can’t do this, I can’t handle this. I’m too young to be a Dad. My parents were 27 when they had me. We’re fifteen!” Then he added, “I don’t want a baby, not now. All I wanted was you. But now, I have neither. Kelsey, I’m sorry. I can’t do it. We’re over.
I stared at him, completely shocked. I was pregnant with his baby and he didn’t want anything to do with it.
“Please Jake! I can’t do this alone, I need you here. I love you, that’s what got us into this, love. We have to stay together, get through this together and live on together,” I begged.
“No, I can’t” He said simply as he opened my bedroom door. I followed him down the stairs. I held back tears as I watched him put his shoes on. He didn’t know how much I needed him. He opened the doors, whispered the words, “I’m sorry” and closed the door behind him. I broke down in tears on the stairs. My parents both came to see if I’d gotten fallen down the stairs or something, but once they saw I wasn’t injured, they walked back to whatever they were doing.
One morning, one month later, I sat hung over the toilet puking my guts out. At least, that’s what it felt like. I’d always wondered what it was like being pregnant, now I knew. I’d never really planned on finding out at fifteen. Then again, I’d never planned on losing my virginity then either. I started feeling like what Jake had called me, a real slut. Maybe I was. A wave of nausea came over me; I leaned over the toilet as someone knocked on the door. But I couldn’t answer.
“Are you all right?” It was my Dad.
“Yes,” I answered quickly. I wondered why he even cared.
“Do you need anything?”
I could hear his footsteps go down the hallway as he walked away. I stood up, dizziness coming over me, probably because I’d gotten up so fast. I walked to my room and lay on my unmade bed.
I could hear my mother calling my name. I didn’t know what she wanted, but I didn’t feel like dealing with it now. Her voice was getting louder and I could tell she was behind my closed door.
“Jake’s here” she yelled through the door
I got angry then, “What the fuck does he want from me now?” I was still angry over what he said. She didn’t know what went on between us. She did know we were fighting, I didn’t know if she knew we’d broken up yet though.
“Come down and find out for yourself!” She snapped back.
I trudged down the stairs embarrassed by my attire. I was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt, the only thing that was comfortable with my surprisingly growing belly.
“Hi” I said to him in almost a whisper.
“Can I talk to you?” He asked, motioning for me to go upstairs.
I walked up the stairs to my bedroom with him at my feet. He sat on my desk chair when we got there and concentrated on me. He looked sad and nervous and I wondered what he was up to, I didn’t know what to expect.
“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding honest.
“I accept your apology” I wondered if this was all he wanted from me. I wasn’t in the mood to sit here all day. I blamed my mood on the mood swings that come with pregnancy, something I’ve been having since month two. It felt like one minute I was happy and the next I was crying at small things. So maybe in a few minutes I would be okay with talking to him all day.
“I’d like to help you with the baby. I want to be here for you. This last month’s been hard; I could barely survive without you. Kels, I love you, I always have, I still do, and I always will, no matter what I say. I was wrong to dump you about this. We can do this together. We need to do this together.”
I was unbelievably surprised by his honest words. I wanted to go over and hug him, tell him that I’d been thinking about him all month too, and that I still loved him and I always would. But I didn’t, I sat there nodding my head.
“You don’t deserve to do this alone. I don’t deserve to get away with leaving you. I don’t deserve to get back with you either. But I can’t stand watching you do this alone, when I know it’s my baby and I know how much I love you.”
“Are you… asking me to be your girlfriend?” I asked dumbly.
“No” he said, “But now I am, will you be my girlfriend?” He smiled as he said it. I loved him smile, I always had. It was so perfect and innocent. It was almost like the first time he asked me to be his girlfriend.
“You actually want to do this with me?” I asked, still surprised at what he was saying.
“Yes, I do. I love you too much to let you do it alone”
“I suppose…” I started to say,
I couldn’t finish; he interrupted my words with a long, loving kiss.
“I love you” he finished.
He was sitting beside me with his arms around me when the baby moved distinctively for the first time. I was almost six months pregnant by then. I’d long since forgotten our troubles together and we were happily in love. I head his hand to my belly, which was also noticeably pregnant. He smiled as he felt it, his eyes shined like magic. It seemed perfect.
We were perfect when we were alone. Being around my parents was a completely different story. They still hated me for getting pregnant and told me I wasn’t representing our family well. My Dad called me countless names that I wasn’t proud of while my mom just cried and begged me to undo it. She knew as well as I did, that was impossible. Time spent with my parents was tense. Most of the time, I could barely handle it. They didn’t like Jake being here so often either. Which is why Jake and I spent most of our time together cuddled up in my room. That’s how we liked it, my parents didn’t mind either – they never wanted to see me anyways.
Jake always came over after school. He knew he was the only support I had. My parents had taken me out of school around the time I was three months pregnant. They said they didn’t want to risk anyone finding out and they would just keep me secret in the house. They told only the principal and my teachers of this semester. The teachers would send home homework with Jake, in hopes I could get a credit for it.
What are we going to do with the baby when it’s born?” Jake asked one day after school.
That was a question I’d thought about often, but I never talked about it. I didn’t want to think about then. I knew I couldn’t keep it. I had nothing to give it, no way to care for it, I was only fifteen. For some reason, I liked having it with me. It’s tiny flutters always made me feel good, knowing there was someone counting on me to care for them.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“We can’t wait forever,”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“It’s okay. Let’s just talk. We don’t have to make any decisions.”
“I know one thing,” I said, “I can’t keep it.”
“You can do anything you put your mind to.” He grinned when he said it.
“We’re not keeping it.” I said more sternly. Maybe I was trying to convince myself more than I was convincing him.
“I guess we need to find someone to take it?”
“I know, I already talked to the doctor,” I told him.
I’d been to the doctor a few times now. She’d given me a series of ultrasounds and tests to make sure the baby was okay. I already knew it was going to be a girl, she told me that last time I was there. She gave me options about what to do with him when he was born. One of them was adoption, I could chose the family if I wanted. I was comforted with that bit of information, but I wasn’t ready to make any decisions yet.
I told Jake everything the doctor said and he thought it was a great idea. He really liked the idea of choosing the family for our baby.
Jake came with me the next time I went to the doctor. I almost eight months pregnant then and I was getting pretty big. Sleeping was uncomfortable. Most of the time, I was short of breath from just walking around. It felt like I was peeing way too much, I didn’t even know how it was possible. Most of the time my body just felt weird and it was awkward to walk. The baby was moving around more frequently too. Jake told me she was going to be a hockey player like his Dad, she was already playing inside me. I was surprised how supportive Jake had been throughout the whole thing; he was always there for me.
“Have you decided what you want to do with the baby when she’s born, Kelsey?” the doctor asked when we were in her office. She was giving me an ultrasound. Jake was standing beside me, watching the screen wide-eyed. It was his first time seeing the baby as it actually moved and I knew how fascinated he was.
“We’ve been talking, a lot about it. I think we’d like to do an adoption and chose the family the baby is going to.”
“I was hoping you would pick that,” she said, “It’s a good choice and it’s very comforting.
By the end of month eight, the pregnancy was becoming even more awkward. The baby was moving and growing constantly. It felt like I just kept getting bigger and it was never going to stop. My back was starting to ache and I was starting to get small contractions. Sleeping was becoming impossible. But Jake was always there for me. He would massage me, when I wanted. He helped me get around when it was too hard or painful. He helped me remember there really was someone out there who loved me. On the other hand, my parents were still going crazy over my ‘condition’, that’s how they referred to my pregnancy. They hated having Jake around so much and they didn’t hesitate to tell him that either.
“I can help you, we don’t need him around” My mom said one day, nodding in Jake’s direction. Jake looked at her surprised she’d said it in front of him. She’d always told me in secret, but somehow he always found out.
“No, Mom. We’re in this together. We got in this together. We’re going to work through it together”
“Yeah, but we don’t need him around all the time. Doesn’t the kid have friends? Or is he really that much of a loser?” She said
I was shocked, “I need him more than his friends do”
Jake looked straight at my mother and said, “If you don’t want me here, I’m not leaving. We’re in this together. I’m not going to let her do this together. Ma’am, I love your daughter.”
I wanted to laugh when he said it. He was so brave and determined, but he still looked young. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs so he wouldn’t have to bother with my mom anymore.
When the day finally came to meet the families we would chose from, Jake and I got into a small taxi and road to the doctors office, less than twenty minutes away.
It was winter then and the snow was coming down hard and fast. There was already a big blanket on the ground. My Mom had warned us to be careful, she hadn’t really wanted us to go anyway with the weather, just Jake convinced her by telling her he would keep me safe.
When we walked into the small house that had been converted into a doctor’s office, there were very few people in the waiting room. There was a mother with a very ill looking child and another pretty woman with blond hair, who was content reading a magazine in the corner.
The doctor met with us as soon as we walked in and led us to the small office she was allowing us to have our meeting in. She explained that she’d only invited a few families, but with the snow, only one could get here. She began telling us of the family that was here.
Laura was a widow. Her husband had died at war just three months ago. She’d been pregnant with him, but lost the baby at six months. She was only twenty-six years old, but she wanted a baby. She was comfortable financially and had a nice home near the school in the north of town. She currently worked as a grade five teacher in the elementary school but she was okay with taking a few years off for the baby. She’d been saving since she got the job for when she needed time off.
When Laura finally walked into the small stuffy office, I recognized her as the woman who was sitting in the waiting room. She’d never looked up then, so I never would have suspected she was waiting for someone to walk in, possibly carrying her baby. Her blond hair flowed beautifully down her small shoulders. She looked calm and content, which surprised me after all she’d been through. As she sat down, I noticed her deep blue eyes. They were so deep it felt like I was looking right into her soul.
She began talking to us, still seemingly calm. She told us all of what the doctor told us. When she brought up her husband, I saw a tear fall down her cheek. She mentioned her miscarried baby and I could see how much of a scar that had left on her. For the first time since I’d seen her, and we’d been talking half-an-hour already, she looked sad. She talked about her parents and how she loved her childhood and would love to make one just as amazing for another child. Her current living conditions seemed comfortable and suitable for a baby. Her house, as she told us, was large and very well furnished.
“What would you do if you had a baby living with you?” I asked, wondering if it would bug her to have toys on the floor and someone to mess up her home.
“I would love it and care for it as much as my parents did me.” Her answer was different from what I wanted, but it was good.
“Would you be ready very quickly?”
She glanced at my massive belly, “I’d be ready,” she hesitated and I sensed more pain in her, “When I was pregnant with the last baby, I purchased everything I needed. The nursery is still set up and I’ve got more from friends in the garage.”
As I spoke with her, I knew she could be the one. She seemed so content and happy to be alive, even after all she lost. Her sadness only showed when she was talking about them. When she wasn’t, she seemed like she’d let go and gotten over it. I knew how hard that must have been on her and I admired her for having such confidence.
When we got back to my house, Jake helped me up the stairs to my room. I was getting tired then and just wanted to sleep. I lay on my back with him sitting beside me.
“The baby is coming soon,” He had his hand on my belly, and he always grinned at what he felt.
“What do you think about Laura”?
“She deserves a gift,” I said yawning
He lay down beside me and rubbed my back. He rested his hand on my belly feeling the baby as I fell asleep. When I woke up 3 hours later, he’d fallen asleep beside me. He was snoring softly, so I got up and left him on my bed. I went downstairs to find something to eat.
“Did you find a mother for that baby?” My mother asked me as she washed dishes.
“You mean that bastard?” My Dad yelled from the living room.
“I did,” I told her, “Not that you care where my baby goes. You’d probably be happy if it went to hell and I went with it!”
“Don’t say that,” my mother said.
“You don’t give a shit about the baby. All you care about is me getting rid of it and Jake. You barely care about me.”
“I never said that” My mother said.
“No, but you show it everyday!”
“It’s about time you’d catch on. Maybe you’ll learn from your mistakes. People don’t treat you the same when you’re not the same.” My mother yelled at me.
Jake walked into the kitchen then, his hair was a mess and he looked tired. We probably woke him up with our yelling.
“And look at him. He’s no boy to be spending your time with. He gets you pregnant then leaves you, why would you even give him a minute?” She said,
Jakes eyes widened
“He came back! He’s here for me! Something you’ve never done. You never come back. You’re always against me. I don’t even know why I ever called you Mom,” I screamed at her.
Jakes eyes got even wider.
“I wasn’t the one that fucked you and got you messed up?” My mother yelled, “It was responsibility for him to come back to you. He had no choice, if he didn’t, God would have sent him to Hell. And that’s exactly what he will do to you if you don’t shut your mouth and go upstairs to your room right now”
“And, if you can, don’t ever come back down!” My Dad yelled laughing.
I ran up the stairs as fast as I could with the belly on me, which wasn’t very fast. Jake was running at my heals. When I got to my room, I slammed the door in his face and sat on my bed. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t understand how my parents could treat me like this. They made mistakes too, but they were never treated like this!
There was a knock at my door.
“Sorry, come in”
Jake opened the door and walked over and hugged me.
“It’s okay, babe, I’m here for you, forever. I love you.” He whispered into my hair.
“I love you too. I can’t do this anymore. My parents hate me! All I did was make a mistake…” I said
“I made a mistake too…” He added.
“What do I do?” I cried.
“C’mon, we’re going to my house” he said.
When we got there, his house was neat and tidy, as it always was. His parents were both at work. He’d skipped school that day to be with me. He brought me to his room and told me to lie down. We’d walked all the way to his house, which was little more than 2 kilometres from mine. With the snow and ice, it took even longer. We lay snuggled in his bed for a few hours, talking about the baby and what I wanted for it. My stomach and back were starting to hurt more than usual and I assumed it was from the long walk.
We heard the front door open and seconds later his mother greeted us. She seemed very happy to see me and welcomed me to her home. She must have thought it was the first time I’d been there; it was only the first time she knew I was there. She offered her help if I needed and went down to make dinner for us. Jake winked at me and explained that he had told her what happened with my parents. He told me she would be more nice about it, she always was that way.
At 8:00 p.m. My mother called Jake’s house. His mother answered and sent the phone up to me.
“Hi Mom” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“Are you coming home?”
“I wasn’t planning on it. I think I’ll stay here for a while. It’s probably better for you and Dad anyway”
“Oh. Well, your doctor called. She needs you to call in a few minutes” And she hung up.
I found the number and dialled it into the phone in the kitchen. My doctor answered on the second ring.
“I just wanted to know how you’re doing and if you’ve decided if Laura is a good parent. I know you only met one family, but I need to know. The baby is coming soon”
“Me and Jake were talking and I think we would like Laura to be the parent of our baby, but I’m not going to decide that too quickly. So keep it top-secret, but have the paperwork ready for me next time I’m there”
“Sounds good. How are you feeling?”
“I feel fine, my back and stomach are a little pained. I can feel the baby getting lower. I know it’s coming soon”
“Make sure you call me if you have any problems. I’ll talk to you later, you should get some sleep, you sound tired”
“I will. Bye.”
As I put the phone on the hook, a river of water poured out of me. I stood there shocked and scared for a minute. Then it hit me: my water just broke.
“JAKE!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He came rushing down the stairs and glanced at the puddle on the floor. Almost instantly, he knew what it meant. We’d read so many birth stories together on the Internet.
“MOM!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.
His mom came from the basement. She saw the puddle on the floor and calmly told Jake, “We need to get her to the hospital, now”
He grabbed my bag of stuff and helped me out to the car. His mom left a note on the fridge for her husband, who was working the late shift. She grabbed the keys and ran out the door. The snow was coming down lightly.
After the quick less than 15-minute drive to the hospital, his Mom parked the car and took us inside. Walking was becoming more and more painful. The doctors rushed around and finally found somewhere for me to lie down. As I lay down, I screamed in pain over another contraction. It seemed to rip through me and tear me apart.
Jake looked alarmed and grabbed my hand, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay” he said, probably the best comfort words he could think of.
I got really nervous when his mom came running back towards me. She asked me how I felt.
I couldn’t talk, the pain was too much.
She told me the doctors were all very busy right now, but they would be with me in a minute.
A few minutes after she said that, a nurse came rushing towards me, she gave me some things that were used to help stop the pain. Then she took my blood and gave me IV. For the first time in my life, the needles didn’t hurt. At least, not as much as the pain in my stomach. She left telling me a doctor would be with me in a minute.
A minute turned into about half an hour and finally a doctor was with me. He checked the position of the baby and exclaimed, “Oh my, you’re ready to push, now!”
I was wheeled into a birthing room; Jake never let go of my hand. His mother followed, with a nervous look on her face.
Constant pains started to come over me and I thought they would never go away. Jake mouthed the words, “you can do it, I love you” to me, just seconds before the doctor screamed at me to start pushing.
I obeyed and pushed as I squeezed Jake’s hand.
And I pushed and pushed for a few more minutes as the doctor requested. Finally, the doctor screamed, “It’s a girl!”
He motioned for Jake to come to him. Jake let go of my hand and followed the doctor. I watched as he proudly cut the cord and smiled at his mom. The doctors handed the baby to me and I looked into the eyes of the little girl who I’d carried for the last nine months. This moment just made all the pains of the pregnancy disappear, she was beautiful. She had Jake’s blue eyes and from what I could tell, she had my mouth and nose. For a second, I wanted to keep her. I didn’t want to ever let her go. Suddenly, I wanted to be the one she came running to when she skinned her knee. I wanted it to be me she ran to when she lost her first friend. I wanted to be the one who she came to when she had her first heartbreak. I wanted to be the one she came to every time she needed a hug, a talk, or a mom. I knew that wouldn’t be me, it would be Laura. The room was silent as I held this little Angel with tears falling down my face.
A few hours later, when the entire labour was finished, I lay staring into Jakes eyes.
“You did it” He said, “You did it!”
“I did it,” I said weakly,
“I knew you could”
“We did it together”
His mother walked into the room and smiled at us.
“I’ve never seen two teenagers as brave as you” She said.
“I’ve never seen such unconditional love between two people either,” She added.
“I’ve never seen it either. I just feel it.” Jake said, obviously trying to say something he thought was romantic.
I smiled at him, knowing what he meant.
“You know, Kelsey. You were pretty brave. You were probably in labour all day, especially when you walked over to my house. I’m surprised you didn’t notice. Maybe it was better that way though, it made it seem like the baby came really fast. You were only pushing for 9 minutes!” She told me. But I was too tired to talk any longer. She went home while I was sleeping. The doctors had given Jake a cot to sleep on.
The next morning, my family doctor walked into the room,
“I heard about yesterday, I’m glad it didn’t have any complications”
“Me too” I told her. I didn’t know what I would have done if there was any more pain involved.
“Well… Have you still decided on Laura?” She said, getting down to business.
“Yes,” I said, looking around the room, so see Jake. But he wasn’t there. I remembered he’d gone home for a shower.
She handed me some forms that I began filling it out. She sat on the chair across from my bed and started asking me about what I wanted for my baby. When she was finally done asking questions, she said, “Well I think Laura will do a good job.”
I handed her the forms when I was finally done and she told me there might be more later. But we would deal with that then.
“Do you mind if Laura comes in later today?”
“Today?” I asked, “Oh, I guess that’s fine”
“Alright, I think she’ll be pretty excited”
I was holding the baby when Laura walked in the room. Jake was holding my hand and looking into the baby’s face.
“Gosh, she’s beautiful” He told me; he hadn’t realized Laura was here yet.
Laura seemed cautious this time, almost as if she was worried about more loss. We’d been told she was coming in the next half hour, so we were ready and waiting. Laura had asked that no one else be present except us when she saw the baby, so all of the nurses disappeared a few minutes before she walked in.
She was carrying a baby car seat and a bag, which she set down when she was close enough.
I knew the moment was here. I gave the baby a kiss and whispered, “I love you, you’ll never be my baby anymore, I’ll never be your mom but I’ll always love you”
I handed her to Jake, who also gave her a small kiss. His eyes were glossy when he looked up to see if Laura was ready. She was she’d been keeping her distance as we said our good-byes to the baby. Jake motioned for Laura to come over and put the baby girl into her arms.
Laura’s eyes immediately began running tears as she stared into this baby’s face, “She’s beautiful,” She said to us.
She held the baby like a mother would, careful and protective. As she looked at the baby, I saw instant love.
I knew what this was. For Laura, it was a gift of hope. After all she’d lost, she’d finally received: a gift. I saw the beginning of a new mother, a new family and new hope. It was something I couldn’t explain, but it was amazing.
A few minutes later, I asked her the question that had been running through my mind, “What will you name her?”
She didn’t have to think; she already knew the answer when she said it, “Faith”
© 2008 Bailey Thompson