John, why aren’t you readyfor school?

Dad, I just don’t feel like going.

Do you have temperature?

No.

Didn’t you do your homework?

I did.

Are you avoiding some one there?

In a way, yes. And thinking about it gives me headache.

Then let me know about your headache.

Dad, I had meant to talk to you about it in the past but ignored it. But yesterday was worst. There is a huge boy. His name is Casper. When I joined the school 3 months back, he’d suddenly block my way or stand there and give me meaningless stares. He progressed to insulting gestures. And if I wish to talk to him, he walks away. This all doesn’t make sense, except that it made me uneasy. Since last week, the boys he hangs out with, came to me and ask me nonsensical questions to which I have no answers. And if I answer, they make fun of me. Yesterday they got too personal and were associating me with my classmate Clara. I like to talk to her. She is easy going. But this vain talk may affect her as it is affecting me now.

But you can’t skip school on account of this.

Dad, I want to go to school. But now I only think of seeing Casper and his gang first thing in the morning. And this doesn’t give me a good feeling. Last week I was on the playground playing basketball and I saw Casper spitting after I scored. Sometimes he utters profanities. He doesn’t do it in my face but in my presence. I can’t concentrate on my studies. Wherever I am, I am bound to see him.

Did you talk to your principal, teacher or counsellor about it?

No, dad. I didn’t think about it.

Ok. You must go to school. If you can avoid him, do it. Talk to your counsellor.

Dad, I haven’t seen any boys associating with him. He looks menacing to me. In his presence there is a silence.

Let me see what I can do about it. But don’t worry about it. It will all get over. Concentrate on your studies and don’t think about him.

Thanks dad. Love you.

***

Dad, can I have a change of school.

Why do you say that?

Dad, last month I discussed with you about Casper. He is becoming bolder by the day. I had made Ms Catalina, our counsellor, aware of the matter and she said she will look into it. But I see no results. For a while Casper was Ok. Now he openly abuses me and calls me names. At times it seems he will thrash me before everyone. I was walking and suddenly he was in front of me, ready to strike me. Had I not side-stepped, he would have crushed me to ground.

Did you talk to your counsellor again?

No. I don’t want to aggravate the matters. He may become more violent.

So what do you want me to do?

Nothing. Except that I want a change of school.

So you are running away from the problem.

What are you saying dad. I am going to school for studies and I don’t want to be involved in all this.

And that dad, is affecting me constantly. I can’t take it. It’s taking an emotional toll on me.

I understand what you are saying but you must toughen yourself against this. On your annual report card, only your academic performance will reflect and not Casper. Casper is a problem and you want to run away from the problem. Face him. If you change schools too, what is the guarantee you won’t find another Casper there?

I don’t know dad. But you are right. I will try to talk to him and be friends. I won’t quit school.

***

Dad, I will not go to school anymore.

What?

What the… So the matters have come to this end. I didn’t think that he will do this.

I haven’t told you the whole thing but I’ll suffer if I will tell everything. It is too much. I tried to talk to him but he cursed me. Whatever I could do to make peace, I did. He wants to kill me.

This is enough. No child of mine will face humiliation and you of course will teach him a lesson that will bring him to his senses. First let me take care of your wounds. It must be very painful.

Not more than the humiliation and abuse. He’s a bully dad. I can’t take it anymore.

You are a brave boy. At least you could face him till now. What about other submissive boys, whom he must be abusing. You have to set an example before them so that they shouldn’t get scared of him. It should be a lesson for the likes of Casper that they shouldn’t bully.

Dad, I don’t want a lecture. I want to thrash him. I am not scared of him. Till now I was polite but if I go to school, I’ll turn him into pulp. He may be huge but I’m strong. These wounds don’t hurt me but if I don’t beat him, it’ll scar me for life.

I understand what you are saying. You are 10 and I am 42 now. Years back when I was 30 and manager in a big oil and gas company, our chief manager David was a big strong fellow. He liked to intimidate everyone and took a particular dislike to me, for no reason. I will do all office work on time but he would still find fault. Initially, I tried to please him and did 200% more that what others did. But it didn’t bring any change in his attitude. I didn’t know what to do or how to please him. I couldn’t discuss the matter with your mom, Tanya, as I didn’t think it a matter of concern. I had a beautiful life with Tanya, a good job and you were about to enter our world. I was too happy to think of David. I did try to talk to him but he will give me more work and find fault with the finished one. And then it developed to him and his yes men in office insulting me in full view of others and looking satisfied. I was a mild mannered quiet man with strong physique but David was twice as big as me. Office was becoming a pain. I was losing interest and there was no end to David’s ways. Then you came into our world and my joy knew no bounds. I was the happiest man in world.

Tanya was happy and our world was complete. But then Tanya felt she wasn’t looking beautiful anymore. She would daily ask me about her physical wellness. To me, she looked more beautiful but she won’t be convinced. She felt that your birth had made her fat and ugly. On the eve of your first birthday, when I returned home, I found a note from her that she was leaving us, never to return and that I shouldn’t come after her. My world was shattered. I couldn’t believe it. There was a beautiful gift – you, before me but the gift giver, whom I loved so much, was gone. It was one hell of a time. The entire night, I was driving around the city, along with you, in the hope to find her. In the morning, I made arrangements with a day care and took you there. And when I came to office I was in no mood for David’s antics. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. He took me to task and that broke the camel’s back. My submissiveness was being taken for my weakness and I was beyond care. I hit back. I beat him before everyone with my both hands. He was running around the office and I behind him. His yes men were quiet. The entire office was watching but no one saved him from me.

Later they let me know that I hit him for 45 minutes and I won’t stop. They won’t stop me too. He was cowering on the floor. His clothes were in tatters. There was no pride on his face. I stopped only when there was no strength left in me. I then just left the office. Came home and fell to a tired sleep. I woke only when the day care lady came to drop you. My hands were swollen and only then I realised what I had done in the morning. There was fear in my heart that any moment cops would be here to arrest me. I was terrified. And the bell rang. I didn’t want to open the door and it rang again and again. I then opened the door. And what do I see. The entire office staff was there. Some hugged me, some had brought flowers and chocolates and all had words of praise for me. Elaine took charge of our home when they came to know the situation. They bandaged my hands and for a week I didn’t go to office. Later when I went to office, I was given a hero’s welcome. There was no David, no yes men. Humiliating others is easy but being humiliated is never easy. David had quit for good and no police complaint. The entire office was at peace and heaved a sigh of relief.

Each had a story to tell of David’s sadistic ways. He was the boss and none had the courage to take any action against him. My beating him made me a hero. But I didn’t feel any pride. That was not my way of doing things. Since I was the next senior staff after David, I was made the chief manager. The office became office. I was never proud of that day. So when they opened a new office in this city and offered me the head position, I grabbed it. A new place and a new beginning. But I am finding history is repeating with you and you also want to get even physically. I won’t advise that. After facing David, I read many books on bullying, did research on internet. My pain was not greater than his. People like him usually come from abusive and violent backgrounds and want to pass on the same abuse to others, whom they consider to be weak or not in a position to retaliate. This is not a sign of a strong man but a scared man and such a man is always looking for ways to escape. Violence is only an escapist route – to scare you and then not expect the same in return. They have suffered and continue to suffer.Most of them later become criminals. There is never peace.

They turn their own peace to pieces. But if they find normal surroundings with normal people whom they can trust, they can become normal instead of being their hyper self. And no amount of counselling can achieve that. Only if they can trust you and that is a big if. Can you do that John, can you? You can beat him but you will be making a demon out of him or a coward. I want to see a responsible citizen, who does not treat school as a war zone, who does not invade other’s privacy, who cares for others. You are a young man. And from now on whatever you will do will reflect on your future. It will make you a man, a responsible man. I want my son to be that. You are not scared of Casper and you don’t want others to be scared of him too. No police or court can deliver any justice which will take away your abuse. Only you know what you have gone through. In the light of that think what Casper and people like him go through and how you can change that. Do you want to get physical, go to cops or deal with it in your own way? This road may be long but it is the most effective. Casper will become like you and others, enjoy normal school life and hopefully lead away others like him from bullying.

***