Twirling the lead of my headphones around my finger. I wondered. I wondered if my life could be different. I bit gently on my lower lip and let the lead slip through my fingers. My eyes wandered from the mess of papers on my desk to my small window. The sun had started to set and soon it would be night. I sighed and pushed my papers away from me. A few lose ones fluttered down on to my floor.
I looked over to the couple of picture frames that rested on my desk. I smiled.
The first picture was a picture of my two best friends. I was in the middle of the two, I was wearing my favourite black and white skull converse paired with black and white blouse and causal dark blue denim shorts. My usual chocolate brown hair was cascading over my shoulders while on top of my head was my black and white stripped skull fedora. On my left side was a girl. Just a little shorter than me. She wore a long red hoodie with a pair black corset jeans. She wore her red doc martins and her blonde hair curled gently over her shoulders in a similar style to mine. Her blue eyes were the most noticeable. And finally on my right was a boy, he stood taller than both of us girls. He wore a light blue pair of jeans. Around his waist was a black and white belt similar to my converse. He wore a plain white long sleeve shirt with clung to his body faintly showing his abs. His green eyes seemed to pierce the looker of the picture.
I picked up the picture and held it close to me. My two best friends. My eyes closed and I took a deep breath. I could smell my rose perfume that filled my room. It made me smile. I loved the smell of the perfume. It's the perfume my best friends pitched in for as a birthday present. I knew it costed them a lot that is why I made sure every time I saw either one of them I wore it for them.
My phone suddenly buzzed against my desk. I jumped. I wasn't excepting a text. I put the picture down and reached over to my phone. I unlocked it and went to my messages. My heart skipped a beat. It was a message from Brandon. I smiled. Brandon LightHeart.
Brandon LightHeart was the prince of our high school. With his out of this world good looks and his brains as well as being sporty. He had a pretty impressive fan base. He could be friends with anyone in the school. Teachers loved him. The pricks of high school worshipped the ground he walked on. However he was my best friend. And my long time crush.
Brandon LightHeart: Come over to Lucy's house she wants to have her regular Friday night sleepover with you and I'm just here as your pizza guy so come quickly!
I smiled. Lucy or Lucky as many people called her, was the luckiest girl in our school. She was called that due to her avoiding being hit by a car and on that same day got a A+ in English and had later been given a award for her outstanding artwork. Along side with always finding money on the ground when walking to or from school and being lucky on finding her...what she calls him soul mate. She was one of the most popular girls at our school due to her being lucky. Everyone adored her. She was the schools very own four leaf clover. But she was my best friend. Almost like a sister.
Lucy and Brandon were my escapes from my family. They mean the world to me and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I got up from my seat and went over to my bed. I pulled out the already packed bag I had set aside for when sleepovers or getaways were taking place. I slipped on my black studded leather jacket and my creamy ballet flats and walked out of my bedroom.
I was the eldest child in my family. I'm a proud big sister of my darling younger brother. He's only five years old and more identical to me in almost every way than my mother or father. Even know you could tell he was their child. He looked like a mini male version of me. However in my parents eyes. My brother might as well be the only child. My parents hated me. In their eyes I was a mistake. They never wanted a weak little girl. All they wanted was a son. A precious little boy who could carry on the families proud name and never bring shame to it like their apparently worthless daughter could.
Yes my parents do treat me right. Giving me the supplies and shelter I needed. They never did anything else. I was pretty much unnoticed in there eyes. I was only noticed by my father when he came home drunk. When he came home drunk. Hell broke lose. Leaving me in the shattered and broken aftermath. He usually did it after mum and Joshua went to bed. He didn't want his prize family seeing what he did to the broken spawn.
I slowly walked out on to the landing. I could hear the T.V blaring from downstairs. I could hear no arguments or anything so dad must be sober. I looked at the stairs. I watched as the small brunette haired boy happily bounced up the staircase.
''Jessie'' His crystal blue eyes lit up. He ran up to me and hugged my legs tightly. I bent down to his height.
''Hey Josh'' Joshua or Josh for short was the only reason I stayed here. To him I was his favourite thing in the world. Next to the bunny I got him for his first birthday. Josh was more like my son than my brother. Whenever dad came home drunk or mum didn't return home I was always there for him. During the horrid thunderstorms that he was terrified off. I was there. Josh was my baby boy. My reason for staying in this wretched household.
''Come downstairs and watch T.V with us'' he beamed. I smiled and ruffled his hair.
''Sorry baby I'm going out to Lucky's house'' He refused to call Lucy by her real name. He claimed he liked Lucky more.
''Oh...Okay'' he looked sad.
''On Sunday me and you can watch T.V all day okay?''
''Promise Jessie?'' he raised his tiny pinky finger up to me. I smiled and linked my pinky with his.
''It's a promise baby'' I kissed his forehead.
''Is mummy downstairs or is it daddy?'' I asked curiously. Mum would have no problem with me going to Lucy's as long as I didn't go to a boys house I was fine. But if it was dad he would beat me a little first before going. I quickly swallowed the rising fear in my throat.
''Both are downstairs'' I sighed with relief. Dad wouldn't dare to touch me if mum and Josh were there to.
''Okay'' I took Josh's hand and nervously walked down the staircase. My heart thudded in my chest. Until we reached the living room. I let go off Josh and he ran to the sofa. Jumping down in to his usual spot.
I proceeded to walk quietly across the room to the door. Hopefully not being noticed until I had already gone.
''And where do you think your going Jessica?'' I heard my dad shout out. My heart felt like it stopped.
''Oh...uh its Friday and I usually go to Lucy's on a Friday night'' My voice was dipped with nervousness.
''Oh no your not going out tonight you can see Lucy tomorrow'' I gulped.
''But why?'' The words tumbled out my mouth.
''Because I am your father and I say so now get back to your room'' his voice was filled with a harsh tone. I had a feeling I would be in trouble for standing up to him like that.
''Okay daddy'' I slowly made my way back to the staircase. I could feel him staring at me. I gulped and quickly ran up the staircase.
I swiftly shut my bedroom door behind me and threw my bag on to my bed. I followed the bag and fell on to my bed. He will be up soon. I nervously played with my hair. I twisted it around my finger. I shivered at the though of him raising a hand against his only daughter. I prayed he didn't do anything tonight. I hoped and I prayed. I curled up in to a ball. I hope he stays away just for one night.
I awoke too a small thud. I instantly shot up. I yawned. I didn't even remember falling asleep. I glanced over at my alarm clock. I felt a slight nervousness as I observed the time. I didn't plan to fall asleep while waiting for him to come in.
I heard footsteps. Crap. I moved back on my bed. Reaching for my cover. Of course he would be in a few hours. He's got to wait for mum and Josh to go to sleep before he can get drunk and attack me. I slipped under my cover and pulled it over my head. I tried to make my breathing sound similar to when I slept which according to Brandon and Lucy was fast and short.
Normally he would never make a move when I was asleep. He liked to watch the fear in my eyes. I gulped and tried to steady my beating heart.
''Jessie~'' he slurred my name. I shivered and hugged my cover closer. I heard my door opened slowly. His footsteps bounced of my walls. He shut the door behind him.
'Aw how cute she's sleeping'' I could hear him coming closer to me ''Get up you worthless piece of shit' he yanked the covers of me. I rolled over onto my side to face him.
''Daddy'' I smiled bitterly.
''Shut up'' his right hand went to my hair, grabbing a fist full of it, he pulled me up so we were eye level. I winced in pain. His left hand was instantly connected to my face. I whimpered. He smirked.
''Do you like that you little slut?'' He tugged on my hair harder. I fought against a scream that rose in my throat.
''Stop please'' I pleaded. He laughed. His hand moved away from my face.
''How adorable the little piece of shit is telling me to stop'' his fist collided with my stomach. I gasped. Pain shot through my stomach.
''I'll stop when you get the fuck out of my house'' he punched me in the stomach again. I groaned in pain. I felt tears prick my eyes.
''Aw is the little girl going to cry now?' He said in a taunting voice ''you going to cry and cut yourself?'' I slowly shook my head. His grip on my hair loosened.
''Better yet how bout I cut your wrist for you'' He smirked and threw me down to the ground. He reached into his back pocket and produced a small but sharp knife. He ran his finger across the blade. I tried to run. He pinned me down with his spare hand.
He put the knife to my cheek and sliced it across my skin. The pain shot through me instantly. I could feel the blood already seeping out.
''Ah perfect'' he leant down and licked the blood of my cheek. I flinched and tried to move away.
''Stop please'' I whimpered. My voice barely hear able. He moved the knife and traced it down my upper body. Cutting my shirt in to two pieces. He put the tip on my navel and traced a circle.
I felt like crying but I couldn't show him a weakness. But he never does it this bad. And the cuts on my stomach were now killing me.
''Jessie is that a tattoo I see on your hip'' I gasped. My tattoo. I recently got one done with Lucy. She had a small clover on her hip while I had a tiny Chinese dragon.
I nodded slowly.
''Bad girl'' He moved the knife up my arm leaving a long cut.
''Please no more'' I sobbed. My tears flew freely down my cheeks.
''Not yet'' He traced a couple of lines on my wrist. Leaving cuts that stung me. He removed the knife and placed it back in his pocket. He released me and got up. I quickly scrambled into the corner of my bedroom.
''Never question me again got it Jessie'' he growled.
''Yes sir'' I whimpered.
''Good'' he walked towards my door and threw it open. He walked out and slammed it shut. I curled up into a ball and let the tears come out harder.
I am worthless. I can't even defend myself against my father. I pressed my forehead against the floor. I began to sob uncontrollably.
''Jessie why didn't you come over Friday?'' Lucy asked me as we slowly walked towards school together on Monday morning.
After the abuse from my dad I didn't let no one come in for those next two days. I didn't eat a single thing either. I couldn't handle the pain of going downstairs and seeing the man who's meant to love me, instead he abused me horribly.
The cut on my cut was covered in heavy dosage of make up. I hated the stuff but when ever it came to dad I had to have it.
''I wasn't feeling well sorry Lucy'' I forced a smile. I hated to lie to Lucy. After all she was my best friend.
''Don't worry about it but next time text us me and Brandon were really worried about you'' I smiled a small real smile at her.
''sorry for worrying you Lucy''
''stupid girl'' she threw her arm over my shoulders. I bit on my lower lip. Lucy didn't need to know about my problems neither did Brandon. I should just fade away from their lives, it be much easier on them.
I sat in class with Brandon next to me. It was fourth period science. Mine and Brandon's most hated lesson. However Brandon never focused once on the lesson at hand.
He kept shooting me worried looks. Constantly picking up that I looked pale and weak. I simple shrugged him off. Like I said earlier Brandon doesn't need to know of my problems.
''Babe'' he whispered. I usually blushed whenever he said my nickname but not today.
''What'' I whispered back.
''You need to go to medical''
''no way am I going there''
''why not your not well you need to go''
''Brandon I said I don't want to go there'' I wished he would drop the subject. The bell was only a few minutes away from ringing. Soon as that bell went I would be out of here. I couldn't trouble Brandon with my problems. He shouldn't be worried about me either.
I took a deep breath and looked at him with a wide bright but fake smile.
''Don't worry about me okay I'm al right I promise'' He hesitated for a moment before nodding and settling back in his seat.
I sighed with relief and went back to my sheet of paper. I chuckled softly to myself. No work. I'm glad. I hated this class and my teacher knows it.
''Okay class that's the end of today's lesson I'll see you next week'' the teacher said as he pushed his glasses up with his finger. I pushed my chair back and jumped up. Grabbing my black and purple messenger back I quickly walked out the classroom. Leaving Brandon with no chance of catching up to me unless he ran.
I quickened my pace as I walked down the hall. It was now lunch. I could get away with hiding all lunch time. I know I can.
A wave of sickness hit me. I stopped and crouched down. Clutching my stomach in fear of being sick. Everything was starting to go dizzy.
''Jessie'' Brandon shouted my name. I felt his hand on my shoulder.
''Bran...don?'' I muttered. I fought back the urge to be sick.
''let's get you to medical stupid idiot girl'' he whispered in my ear. He placed one arm under my legs and placed the other on my back. He picked me up bridal style. In the middle of the school corridors. I blushed. People were whispering. I could hear them. They whispered why was Brandon carrying the freak girl. I took a deep breath and just melted in to his arms. It felt like I belonged there. I felt my eyes close. I was still aware of what was around me but I felt like I could fall asleep and never leave his arms.
''So Mr's Dreevis is Jessie going to be okay?'' Brandon gripped on to my hand tightly as I lied awake in the nurses office.
''Nothing to worry about Mr LightHeart'' she smiled. Her smile was kind and sweet just like a nurses should be. ''Miss Winter is fine there's nothing to be worried about''
''Good'' Brandon smiled at me.
''She's lucky she has a good friend like you to bring her here'' She continued.
''Yeah'' he muttered.
I heard the nurse get up from her seat.
''I'll be back in a little while I need to go a meeting will you be okay here?''
''Yeah we'll be fine''
''Good bye'' she chipped happily and walked out of the medical room. I sighed a small sigh and looked over at Brandon.
''you had me worried Jessie''
''Yes you did'' I bit my lower lip and turned my head away slightly. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Neither of us wanting to speak again. I could hear his breathing.
''Oh by the way Jessie''
''yeah?'' he gently grabbed my wrist. I panicked. This was the wrist my father cut. I felt worried. What if he's seen my cuts?
''these cuts'' he gently moved my long sleeve up. Shit. Shit. Shit.
''no don't touch those'' I pulled my arm away from him. I held it close to me.
''Jessie this is serious you shouldn't be cutting'' I avoided his gaze ''why are you cutting?''
I moved away from him. I refused to tell them that this time it wasn't my fault. We sat in silence again. The silence engulfed the room, Not a single sound was made except our breathing.
''you don't have to be afraid you know'' he reached out and grabbed my wrist. He brought it up to his lips and kissed my scars.
I blushed bright red.
''I'm here for you Jessie your my best friend''
''your my best friend too Brandon...apart from Lucy'' he chuckled and let go of my wrist.
''Your not only my best friend though'' he whispered. I looked in to the all to familiar green eyes I fell in love with.
''Your my dream girl''
''I love you Jessie'' My heart felt like it stopped. My dream had come true. Brandon. My Brandon was in love with me. Just like I was in love with him.
''I love you too Brandon....I have for a long time'' He smiled and leant over to me. I felt his lips collide with mine. This felt right. I never wanted to break this.
We pulled apart and smiled at each other.
''Good....I've wanted to do that for a long time'' He giggled and pulled me in for another kiss.
With Brandon by my side. I didn't need to worry about my fathers abuse. All I needed was my Brandon by my side.