“I hate you.” I scream at the top of my voice, slapping his hand away as he tries to hug me. “You’re such a fucking jerk.”
Why do guys have to be like this? They say they love you then they go out with their mates and cheat on you. If that’s not bad enough the whore has to be his ex gf who he says that he hated and never wanted to talk to again. Why do they have to lie to us?
“Why would you do this?”
“Hunny I’m sorry it didn’t mean anything. You know I love you.” He says trying to calm me down with his empty words. Once again he reaches out trying to hug me.
“NO! Don’t you give me that bullshit. If you really love me you wouldn’t have stuck your cock in that ugly whore!” I’m so angry that it’s all I can do not to grab him by the throat and strangle him. “And don’t try to fucking hug me.”
“Hunny…” he starts but I cut him off with a slap to his face.
“Don’t Hunny me. Get out. Now!” I scream. “Get out of my god dammed house now. I don’t want to see your face ever again.” He looks so hurt as I tell him to leave but I know it’s a lie, he’s just hurt because it means he won’t have a chance at makeup sex.
“Don’t do this, we can sort things out.” He says.
He shakes his head as he walks out of the door as if I’m the childish one but he leaves. When I close the door behind him I sink to the floor and burst into fresh tears. How could he do this? I wonder. One year of what seemed like a great relationship, I was thinking of moving in with him, and he does this. But even as I lay there crying I know this is a lie.
I shake those thoughts out of my head and start crying harder. I can’t believe that this has happened to me again, every guy I date seems to be an arsehole. What is it about me that make’s guys cheat on me I wonder. Am I too ugly? Am I bad in bed? Why?
I pick myself up off of the ground and walk to the bathroom. When I get to the mirror I stop and study myself. What do guys see when they look at me? Long strait blonde hair, cute features, slim body and small breasts. Is that it, am I not sexy?
That’s it I think to myself ill show him who’s not sexy, and that two can pick up. I have a hot shower and wash all the tears away. Then squeeze myself into my skinny jeans and a halter top that I bought this week. Ill go out clubbing tonight that will cheer me up.
I call my friend Tash up and organize to meet her outside billboards at 10. I knew that she would be cool with going out tonight she never turns down an invitation to go clubbing. I look at the time, its 9pm now. Plenty of time to do my makeup and get there.
I pick up my favourite eye shadow and go to put it on then stop. No I think to myself that’s not sexy enough. I put it back and pick up my eyeliner and start lining my eyes.
By the time I’m finished with my hair and makeup I look like a completely different person. My eyes are done smoky and bring out the dark blue of my eyes and my hair curled makes my cheekbones really stand out. I look hot.
When I get to the club and meet up with Tash she doesn’t recognize me at first.
“OMG Kelly.” She squeals when she realizes it’s me. “You look hot as, what would Trent say?”
“He would say nothing then stick his cock back into Andreas cunt.” I say stiffly then quickly explain what’s happened.
“Oh that sleaze bag. Don’t worry with how hot you look you’ll definitely pick up tonight.” She tells me.
The line moves forward and in no time weir in the club, the air hot and close. The music up so loud that you can’t even hear your self think. Its perfect and pretty soon I stop feeling bad about Trent. Tash is right he is a sleaze bag and I can do better. There are so many hot guys at the club that I start to have fun. I do a lot of shots with Tash and pretty soon weir both dancing with a couple of hotties. Me and Tash look at each other and start giggling as they go to get us some more drinks.
It’s quite late now and I can tell Tash is getting tired by how she keeps looking towards the exit. When the guys get back with our drinks we take them then move over to the couches to take a break.
“That’s ok.” I reply “I’m going to stay and have fun”
She giggles and leans over again “Your date looks like he could be a lot of fun. Are you going to kiss him?” she asks.
I’m feeling pretty drunk by now so I look over at him, giggle then tell her. “No I think I’m going to fuck him.” I laugh at the shocked look on her face and after a second she joins in. She soon leaves and I start dancing with the hotties again only her hottie joins in after she leaves.
Before I know it iv done five more shots and I cant walk strait. Somehow I end up in a hotel room with both of them and the last thing I remember before I pass out is being in my underwear and kissing them both.
I wake up in the morning feeling so sick that it hurts to move. How many drinks did I have? I roll over and realize that I’m in an empty hotel room that looks scummy as. I sit up and my skin feels weird, all sticky and tight. What? I look down and my body is covered in a white sticky substance that smells like… then I remember last night. Breaking up with Trent, going to the club and having sex with the two randoms.
I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes and pour down my face. What on earth was I thinking? This didn’t make me feel better now I’m just as cheap as he is. I start to sob uncontrollably and roll up into a tight little ball on the bead, the stickiness on my chest making me feel even worse. I can’t believe that I got drunk and slept with two strangers iv probably caught something. Did they wear condoms? I try to remember but it’s all fuzzy. I break into more tears and get up pulling on my clothes. I need to get home now.
All during the drive home I cry so hard that I can hardly see the road. I’m lucky that I didn’t have an accident. When I get home I run a hot bath and carry a bottle of vodka from my cupboard over. I also grab a jar of painkillers and take a couple for my headache.
As I sit in the bath with tears falling down my face I think of the last year with Trent, the feelings of hurt and worthlessness. I’m nothing. Inside I start to feel empty and start crying harder. I feel so worthless and cheap no wonder guys treat me like shit I am shit. I pick up the bottle of vodka and skull a few sips before it burns my throat and makes me splutter. Guys leave me because I’m nothing. Even the two guys that I slept with last night didn’t hang around because they got what they wanted; all that I’m good for. I start to cry fresh tears as this realization comes to me I’m worthless and good for nothing but sex. As I think this it doesn’t shock me actually iv known it for a while its why I didn’t say anything this past year with Trent when I knew he was cheating on me.
I skull some move vodka and the tears clear up a bit. With this realization comes a small amount of peace and my eyes drift over to the jar of painkillers. It’s full I just bought it this week. I sip some more vodka and pick up the jar. Faintly I can hear my phone ringing but I ignore it and open the jar up looking at all the small tablets inside.
I pick up the bottle of vodka and take another sip. Then the faces of the two guys from last night flashes in my mind and a feeling of revolution overcomes me. Ripping through my stomach and making me feel sick.
“I’m worthless.” I scream
I let out a sob and pour the tablets into my hand. I bring them up to my mouth and before I can have a second thought I put them in my mouth and swallow them with the vodka. I take the whole packet like this and pretty soon I start to drift away. I faintly notice that the phones ringing again but it’s lost in a wave of blackness as I pass out and sink below the water in the bath.