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A mother writes in her diary as she tries to cope with losing her daughter, Sonia.


Submitted:Jun 12, 2014    Reads: 61    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


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May 26th, 2014

Dear Diary,

Today has been hard. Sonia still hasn't woken up yet, and I honestly don't know what to do. How do I go on? Just looking at her makes my heart flip, and not in a good way. The bruises on her skin have not faded and the tan she has worked on for so long has turned into a pale white. Her brown hair doesn't shine anymore, and it is matted to the sides of her head where her head contacts the hospital pillow. I can tell she has been losing weight. It's a sight I cannot bare to look at.

I had to leave the hospital earlier than normal today. I got a call from the principal's office at my son's high school. Apparently him and this other boy got into a fight. Brendon is 18 years old and he is getting himself into these sticky situations. What am I going to do with him? He is now suspended from school for a whole week and I can't get him to talk to me.

Brendon has been acting out since Sonia has been in the hospital and his father -my husband, Wess - was thrown in jail.

I still can't believe Wess would do something so violent to his own daughter. Sonia is only 15 years old. If I had known…

If I had know, I would have ended it right there. Wess was never that way with me. He never laid a hand on me or gave me any indication that he would. Yes, he has a bad temper, but he would never hurt me.

Just knowing that he hurt Sonia in ways I cannot fathom, surprises me in ways I can''t explain. How could a father lay his hands on his daughter? It angers me I never saw it coming.

I have to go, though. Dinner is ready and I must try my best to get Brendon to come down to eat. Wish me luck.

~ Lilianne.

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

May 31st, 2014

Dear Diary,

I am so sorry I haven't written in a couple days. Brendon has been difficult lately and I had a hearing at the court yesterday. Wess will be spending his time in jail for years to come. Honestly, I am glad. As much as it hurts knowing my husband will be in jail, it is good that my daughter will be free from that monster.

Still, I can't believe he has done such a thing. Sonia's head injuries have not gotten better and the doctors say that there is still a 50% chance of survival. I just want my babygirl to wake up. I went to see her this morning, to tell her that her father - it hurts to even say that word to her, since he has not been a father to her at all - is now in jail.

I was hoping when I told her that she was safe from him, she would open her eyes or at least move her fingers. Having my daughter in a coma breaks my heart.

I won't give up hope, though. I know she will wake up. She needs to wake up…

~Lilianne.

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

June 3rd, 2014

Brendon went back to school today, and I am hoping it went by gracefully for him. I hate seeing him like this. He has been depressed lately, and I know the feeling all too well. Before ever having kids, I knew I wanted a better life for them than what I went through. But being in the situation I am in now, I don't know where it went so wrong.

I got a call from the prison today, but I didn't dare answer. I knew it was Wess and from the ignorant voicemail he left me, he was not happy. What makes me upset is the fact he didn't even ask about Sonia. It's like he could give a damn in the world that he put my babygirl on the brink of death. He was angry at me for sending him to "this rundown Hellhole" , as he called it. I deleted the message before it even ended. I couldn't bare sitting there, listening to him blame me for the things he has done.

I have a meeting in an hour at the hospital with one of the doctors whom has been on my daughter's case. Apparently they want to talk to me about taking different steps. I know where it will be going...I don't want to lose my babygirl.

All I want is for her to wake up and for the three of us, her, Brendon, and I, to get as far away from this town as possible.

~Lilianne

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

June 4th, 2014.

Dear Diary,

I am sorry about my bad handwriting right now. My hand can't seem to stop shaking. But then again, my whole body can't seem to stop shaking from the crying I have not been able to stop.

The meeting ended worse than I expected. The only thing there is to do is to take Sonia off of life support. I told them I need time to think before letting my daughter slip from my fingers and into Heaven. It's like my worst nightmare has somehow become my reality.

I still haven't told Brendon about it. I don't know how he is going to take it. Honestly, he hasn't been home lately. He has been staying with his friend Logan. It's better that way so he isn't locked in his room, hearing my sobs from down the hall. I know he does, and I can see it is breaking him apart as well.

The whole thing with Sonia is breaking us all apart. How could this happen?

~Lilianne

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

June 6th, 2014

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I talked to Brendon. He didn't take the news about his sister well well at all. I don't blame him. We both cried, and he ran into his room, screaming he hated me because I was letting Sonia die. It tore my heart apart when I heard those words leave his mouth.

Am I letting her die? Or am I making her suffer? I don't know which way is up, or which way is down right now. Please, someone send me in the right direction to get my children back.

~Lilianne

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

June 21st, 2014.

Dear Diary,

It has been so long since I have written. I just haven't had the strength in me to write down what has happened. Writing it down right now is hard for me, because I can barely see the lines through my blurry vision.

My daughter passed away two days ago. There was nothing any of the doctors could do as she took her last breath. I stood there, screaming out her name, praying for her to come back to me as the machine next to me stopped beeping.

The fact that Brendon was there to witness his younger sister die hurts even more. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to let go. She wasn't supposed to let Wess win. She wasn't supposed to leave us behind.

Brendon hasn't been back at school. He actually came into my room this morning. I could tell he has been crying because of his puffy red eyes. The emerald green in them was glazed over in fresh tears as they slid down his cheeks. He told me he hated his father and that he wanted him dead. It was his father's fault that Sonia was gone and that he wished he could have stopped it when he heard her screaming downstairs.

He said he wished he could get to her faster, but he was too late and Sonia had already be unconscious by the time he did. Wess had darted out the front door, leaving her behind to bleed to death.

I took him into my arms and we both cried. I told him everything will be okay, and that we will get through this. We will leave this town and find somewhere else to live, just the two of us. He needs to stop blaming himself. None of this is his fault.

He said he wanted that and we both agreed that we would leave as soon as possible when graduation was over. Until then, we will both wait it out as I try and find somewhere else to live.

It was nice knowing he was with me on the decision. I wouldn't know what to do without my son. It's hard enough as it is knowing my daughter is gone, and my "husband" is in jail for almost the rest of his life.

~Lilianne

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb

June 23rd.

Dear Diary,

Today was Sonia's funeral. It was difficult being around my family. It was even more difficult watching as they lowered my daughter's casket into the ground.

Brendon never left my side, though. His hand clenched around mine as he watched, emotionless as his sister was being buried. I wondered if Wess regreta what he had done. He killed our daughter, for God knows what.

To this day, we still don't know what caused Wess to beat her so violently. Or why he did. I try and come up with reasons why, but they all don't make sense. None of this makes sense. And it kills me knowing that I didn't see this coming. I have already hired a lawyer to divorce Wess. I just can't go on like this...

I know it's not going to be easy from here on out...Especially with us moving to the other side of the country. We will be leaving Pennsylvania to live in Colorado. I found a small house that will be big enough for the both of us, and it is close to my sister's home, just in case I need her for anything.

It's nice to know that some of my family will be there to support Brendon and I through this terrible time. We will get through this…

I hope…

~Lilianne.

43MIj14XwA-94Pj1SPewPHYOb1BeT--i5_yNfXYb





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