"how long have you been thinking about breaking up?"
"a couple months."
I let it sink in. Let my eyes stop from bulging out of my head and finally try and accept what he just said. He'd been thinking the same as me the whole time? Every day I would look at him and think "well this might not work out but I love him." He felt that too every time he looked at me. He was the one that would say we were perfect and I was perfect. We were going to get married and be together forever. I didn't know if we would or not, but knowing that someone else believed in it made me believe in it too.
That's the thing. He didn't believe and he hasn't for a long time. I can tell by the way he is acting. He's hurting pretty bad right now. But the thing, like I mentioned earlier is that we both have been thinking about breaking up. So why would we still be together? If the two people in the relationship are unhappy with their relationship, then why is there a relationship? This guy has been my life for the past two years. Does this all mean that it's coming to an abrupt end?
And another thing, what would I do if we were to break up? I would probably stop smoking all that weed. I would maybe start working out again. I could eat better and really focus on getting my body into shape. Not only that but I will have so much more time to get school work done and I can devote all of my extra time studying. That could really improve my grades. I could john… I mean join a club and hopefully make some new friends. That would be really sweet. I kind of neglected my current friends once we started dating.
I wouldn't hate him, or even make the break up complicated. I think we could still be friends. I still like him. He's still a great guy. We just have some major disagreements about certain topics. It doesn't mean either one of us is bad. I would give him the necklace he gave me back, but I would ask him to keep all the gifts I gave him, and I would keep the other stuff he got me. It would be like mementos of our relationship. Because even though it ended, it happened. Neither of us knew it would end but we now know what we want in life. This could be a good thing.
I was snapped back out of my thoughts when he lifted his head and looked at me with watery eyes.
"I don't want to break up."
"Me either," I said.