What a day. What a horrible, crappy day. It all started with the power outage that shut off my alarm clock and make me late for school. From there everything just escalated. I had to walk to school in the rain, my locker jammed and to top it off, I wasn't looking where I was going and before I knew it I had fallen on my face in front of everybody. It's days like this that you tend to wish you never got out of bed, but I guess that it can't be helped. As I walked into my last class of the day I got a cold chill down my spine, and that's when I saw it. Well, not it, he...Him
It wasn't that he stood out, because he didn't. It just seemed that there was something different from what he was usually like. His name was Sean and we have always had last class together. This year we had Television Production and it seemed that Mr. B had thought us the best editing pair. Yesterday he seemed so ordinary like every other day, but today was different. He was calm, collected and confident. I don't know what sparked this monumental change, yet it looked great on him. I looked away from him as I noticed him look back. I moved to the edit bay and started warming up the equipment. I looked up from the screen and saw his face close to mine.
"Hey Sevi, how are you?"
"Fine...I-I'm fine. And yourself?"
"I'm doing great... How long until the equipment is ready?"
"It has another five minute Se-..."
His hands caressed my face as he sat down next to me. He moved within centimeters of me and his lips gently brushed mine. Electric shock ran through my body at the touch. For some odd reason my hands crept their way into his soft auburn hair and brought him even closer to me. His scent was as intoxicating as the feel of his lucious lips. Before I knew it we had parted and there was a blush on my cheeks. As I looked deep into his beautiful hazel eyes I saw amusement cross his features. A slight smile crossed my face and I quickly looked away from him.
"I'm sorry Sevi, I don't know what cam over me. I... I guess I finally mustered up the courage after watching a fire build in your soul."
"Sean, don't be sorry, it's alright. I do have something to tell you though. I didn't know apples tasted THAT good.
Sean laughed and then moved back to the editing desk. The smile on his face seemed to be contageous because soon I was smiling too. You would have thought that after the kiss working together would have been difficult, but to be honest nothing seemed to have changed. Editing the school's morning news wasn't difficult, just a bit time consuming. Diligently we worked and some how we kept getting closer, every now and then his hand would caress my wrist and a flush would appear in my cheeks. I had seen Sean every day, but today something changed in me and that something helped me to see him in a whole new light. As I thought back on what he said, his comment about my soul made me wonder.
"Um... Sean, I have a question. You said you saw a fire in my soul, what did that mean?"
Sean blushed and looked down at his hands. "Before school was back in session I saw you at Conner's bonfire and you seemed so different from what I remembered. Your hair was down and the white dress you were wearing made you look like an angel. As you danced near the fire it was like you had been set free. It was the first time I had seen you smile."
I blushed deeply and smiled. I remembered that day well. My mother and father split up and the pain was just too much. I had snuck out and went to the party praying to take my mind off the pain. The music was intoxicating and I could feel it in my blood. The words to the song reached deep into my heart and started to soothe the harsh pain I felt. As I thought back on the memory, the words reverberated in my head.
She was sent from the heavens
It was easy to tell
It was love from above
That could save me from hell
She had fire in her soul
It was easy to see
How the devil himself
Could be pulled out of me
There were drums in the
Air as she started to dance
Every soul in the room
Keeping time with their hands
"You know Sean, until that day I hadn't know true freedom because until that day I hadn't known true pain."
Sean looked at her stunned. "I wouldn't have thought that you were in pain, but I do have a confession. I was very tempted to join you and since that night I have tried to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever m--..."
The ending bell rand and Mr. B came in to give us our weekly assignment.
"Sevi, Sean tonight there is a football game. I need you to film it for the news next week. Make sure to pick up the equipment before you leave. Have a good weekend."
Mr. B walked out of the edit bay and I sighed of all days for my car to break down, it had to be today. When I needed to get delicate equipment home. I moved to to the equipmentroom to get the camera when Sean stopped me.
"Sevi, I have a great idea. How about we go out before the game. We could go see an early movie and grab a bite to eat on our way to the field.."
The smile returned to my face and I looked into his eyes. "That sounds great, but for some reason my car wouldn't start and now I have no way to get anywhere."
"We can take my car and if you need to go home before we go out, I honestly don't mind taking you. Is that cool?"
I smiled and nodded my head. Sean helped me grab up the equipment and our things, then we headed fo his car. He opened the trunk and we got everything in, then he quickly closed the trunk and moved to open my door for me. I sat down in the seat smiling up at him. He closed the door and ran to the drivers side. He hopped in and closed the door as he put the key in the ignition.
"So where to first Sevi?"
"Would it be alright if we dropped by my place, I could stand to freshen up a bit and tell my mom where I'll be."
"Sure thing, sure thing Sevi. Point me in the right direction."
"I live off of Primrose and Maple. When we get there I will be more specific."
"Sounds good. In the mean time how about you talk for a while, you absolutely fascinate me."
"Talk about what, I'm not that fascinating."
Sean laughed at that. "I highly doubt that, but you could tell me more about you. What keeps you from smiling?"
I sighed and looked out the window and thought back to the day it started. "Well, about two years ago my parents started to right all the time. They tried to act happy around me, but my mother found it hard to smile through her tears. The night of Conner's party my father went too far and hit my mother. She had screamed at him to get out so he packed and left. I snuck out that night not knowing where I was going. I ended up at Conner's and it was odd how the music stole me that night and took away my pain. Ot it's number twelve on the right up here."
"Alright then would you like me to come in with you, or is that not a good idea?"
"No, no Sean you can come in with me. She likes to meet the people I go out with."
"Well then Sevi, allow me to get your door and away we will go."
I smiled as he ran over to my side of the car, opened my door and took my hand. I slung my back pack over my shoulder and walked up to the front door. I looked over at him, smiled and walked through the door.
"Mom, I'm home. Are you here?"
"Sevi, Sevi honey are you alright? Your car was here but you weren't, I was so scared something happened to you. So um, who's this?"
I laughed. "Mom I'm fine, my car wouldn't start this morning so I walked. Mom this is my TV Production partner Sean. We have to film the football game tonight. It is our rotation this week. I'm going to change clothes, Sean invited me to a movie before we film the game. I will be right back." I ran upstairs before anyone could stop me. I could hear them talking, but I trusted my mother enough not to embarress me. As sson as my door was closed I started to strip out of my clothes while running to the closet to find a nice pair of jeans to wear.
Nothing seemed to look right as I rummaged through my mass of clothes. FInally deep in the back of my closet I found a beautiful patchwork top and my favorite pair of jeans that I thought to be lost. I quickly dressed and ran to my vanity. Looking, I was shocked at how sean could find me attractive with my copper curls coming out of the braid I had confined them in. I quickly undid the braid and ran a brush through my long curls. Taking one last look in the mirror I walked to my door and slid on my favorite black flats. I closed my door and went down the stairs to see Sean with a glass of lemonade. Leave it to my mom to be sweet when she knows I am in a hurry.
Sean had his back to me as I quietly walked down the stairs. As I reached the bottom I rocked back on my heels, ever my sign of nervousness, then softly tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around so fast that I had to take a step back. As he faced me his eyes went wide with wonder. His jaw dropped open and before he could recover, my mother walked past him and used her index finger to close his mouth. I blushed as my mother winked at me and kept going to her destination.
"Wow Sevi you are beautiful. I...I am happy you agreed to come with me."
"Thank you Sean, but I think you can breathe now."
He let out a deep breath and then quickly moved to place his glass in the kitchen. When he came back he opened the front door for me and then ran to open the car door. I sat down and looked up to see that his wonderful smile reached all the way to his eyes. He gently closed the door and walked over to the drivers side. I silently laughed as he took a deep breath before opening the door and climbing in. He looked at me as he closed the door. The broad smile on his face made me wonder just what he was thinking. As the car roared to life I jumped a bit then blushed.
"So Sevi what do you want to see. It is your choice, so don't worry. As long as you are with me, a chick flick would even be nice."
I laughed softly as I saw him spit those words out. I knew he was sweet, but he just seemed to be my Romeo. To be honest, I didn't want to see a movie.
"How about we skip the movie and have a nice meal. I don't think I could concentrate on one."
He was quiet for a little while before he spoke again. I noticed that he bit his lip while concentrationg. To be honest, I wanted to kiss those lips again. I wanted his hands running through my hair and to be close to him. The sound of his voice brought me out of my day dreaming with a start.
"I've got it. I know the perfect place. Sevi, are you alright?"
I nodded my head and let the last bits of my daydream go. "Yea, I'm fine. So where are we going?"
"That my dear, is a surprise. I promise that you are gonna love it."
I smiled deeply as his arm settled on the middle console. I placed my arm next to his and gently entwined my fingers with his. His skin was wonderfully warm. He grasped my hand a little bit tighter and rubbed my palm with his thumb, that small motion sent such intense shiivers down my spine. I looked at him and saw on his face what I had been fighting with myself all along. The silence in the car was deafening and honestly I couldn't take it any more. Either he was going to talk to me or I was going to ask him the one question he didn't want to answer. Either way I just couldn't do silence. I guess that I had to play twenty questions.
"Sean, when you kissed me in the editing book what was going through your head?"
Sean blushed deeply then bit his lip again. He really needed to stop that, it made me want to kiss him and while driving that wouldn't be a good thing.
"You know, I thought that I finally had the courage to do what I had been wanting to for a long time." His eyes took on such a look of sincerity and peace that for just a split second I was startled. Before I could ask the follow up question he started to speak again.
"For years we have had classes together and thus, been friends. I don't know when it happened but one day I didn't look at you as a friend, I cared more for you. Everytime someone would break your heart, I wanted so much to be able to fix it and tell you how much I cared for you. After a while I had to hide how I felt for you, I knew you didn't feel the same. I tried to distance myself from you, that didn't work either. After a while I decided it didn't matter if you loved me or not, I would love you and be there for you."
I was speechless and once again silence threatened. I ddin't know how to ask him the one thing I really wanted to know. I guess he could see the hesitation in my eyes because he squeezed my hand. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath hoping my question wouldn't come outwrong.
"Were you ever going to tell me that you loved me?"
A smile crossed his face and a blush rose to his cheeks. "You know I didn't even think that far. I didn't think I would ever get the chance to kiss you , let alone tell you how I fell. For a while now I have tried to tell you but I knew you didn't see me that way. I thought I would fade my feelings into the background and you would never know."
I guess the look on myh face was odd to him because he just looked at me in surprise. That was when I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek. I gripped his hand a bit harder and rested my head on his shoulder. I thought about the first time that he hugged me and all of the times hes was there for me, and then it hit me. I was so stupid and thoughtless, how could I not see? As soon as the question popped in my head, I knew the answer. I have always been selfish, more worried about me than anyone else. As I opened my eyes and saw that we were in a parking lot, I sighed hoping to be able to ask him more.
"Sevi, please don't cry. It's alright, I promise." He pulled me closer and kissed my hair. I looked at him with tear streaked eyes. He bit his lip and I just couldn't help myself anymore, I wrapped my hands in his hair and kissed him. Oh he tasted amazing and I still could taste fresh apples. His hands grasped me tight making me moan into the kiss. I could feel my control start to waiver and his grip on me tighted as his hand moved up to my face. Ever so slowly he backed away and looked deep into my eyes. A small smile pulled at his lips as he moved his hand to grasp mine. I smiled and finally looked around at my surroundings to see that he had brought me to my favorite mexican restaurant. As we walked in I could see that my little secret had been leaked to the entire student body.
We walked up to the counter and ordered our food. Every now and then I could see him glance at me and it made me blush. This was a side of Sean I had never seen and I liked it. It wasn't awkward, didn't feel the slightest bit odd. His hand fit perfectly with mine, my heart beating faster when my name rolled off his lips. The person behind the counter brought our food to us and we sat in a booth in the back. I had so many questions but more so I had an empty stomach since I forgot my money earlier that day. I really missed eating here, the burritos are wonderful, all homemade and fresh. Unfortunately being here also brought back memories of my family when we still were a family. I quietly sigh then look up to see that Sean had downed his burrito and was looking at me.
"Sevi, what are you thinking about. You were smiling and now you aren't."
"I was thinking of the last time I was here, it was with my mom and dad when we were still a family. We would come every saturday right after my game. Part of me really misses those days."
Sean looked down at his watch and then back at me with panic. "Sevi we gotta go, the game starts soon and we have to set up." He quickly takes my hand and leads me to the door. We hop in the car and rush back to the school.
Grabbing the equipment out of the trunk we rush into the bleachers only to find that another crew is already there.
"Josh, Micah what are you doing here, this is mine and Sevi's week for the game."
Josh looked at Sean oddly. "Mr. B told us to come get the equipment at the end of school. Odd he normally doesn't schedule two teams for the same thing. You know if you like we can take care of this. The room is still unlocked if you want to put the equipment away."
Sean smiled and nodded to them before taking me and the equipment and walking away. We walked back into the Production room and closed the door behind us. After settling the equipment back in its proper place he sat in the recliner and smiled as I sat on the stage.
"You know Sevi, I really want to thank you. You are such a beautiful person and I am here for you when ever you need me to be, no matter what."
I smiled deeply as I looked at Sean. Walking over to him I straddled his lap and looked down deep into his eyes. He was nervous, biting his lip and it made me giggle. "You know you really shouldn't do that, it drives me crazy and makes me want to kiss you so much." I leaned down and kissed him deeply letting all of my love surge to the surface.
Before we knew it we were lounging comfortably in the chair, our clothes in disarray. I slowly moved looking around at the clock and noticing that soon I had to be home. "Sean, we need to start getting ready to go, I don't want my mom to worry.
"Alright Sevi dear let's get you home. I will say though that I will miss you until I see you again tomorrow. You will be the only thought on my mind."
He grasped my hand gently and led me out to his car, opening the door for me as he had before. All the way home his hand grasped mine and my fingers played over his. It was quiet but not uncomfortably so and as we rounded the corner to my place I thought of how much I loved him. He came over to my side of the vehicle and opened the door grasping my hand to help me up. Once we got to the door he looked deep into my eyes and smiled a smile that was meant just for me.
"I love you Sevi and I will see you tomorrow."
"I love you Sean and I will be thinking about you forever."
After I had walked into the house and heard him pull away I couldn't get the smile off of my face. He was still the Sean I knew, but he was also the Sean I wanted always. I went into the shower and ran the warm water over my skin, but it wasn't as comforting as his embrace. I lay in bed that night and thought of the day and all that I had learned. I drifted off to sleep happier than I had ever been with thoughts of Sean filling my head.
The day dawned and I soon found myself at the school but with no sight of Sean anywhere. I waited until last period hoping he would show but still he was not there.
The days went by and he never showed back up to school. Two months after his disappearance an old friend walked up to me and told me what they knew.
"Sevi, hey I have been looking for you. I really need to talk to you, it is about Sean."
"Sadi, what is it, what do you know?"
"Well... I was talking to Eric and he told me that Sean committed suicide when he found out that he would have to leave here and leave you. He couldn't stand to be without you. I am so sorry Sevi, I only just found out myself."
I ran... I don't know how far I ran that day but I did. I ran until my lungs hurt and I saw spots. I found another good thing in my life and then it was gone.
Once again I felt so alone.