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Foot Work Part 1

Short Story By: Marcus Avery
Young Adult


The Ballet studio's young star Dakota begins to feel threatened by newcomer Autumn. Her natural talent puts Dakota at risk for loosing an internship, until she decides to take matters into her own hands. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Aug 11, 2008    Reads: 53    Comments: 5    Likes: 3   


The studio lights were out and the moonlight glimmered in the mirrors. A shadow appeared in the corner of the room, and took the shape of a tall girl in leotards, as she danced across the floor. She gazed into the mirror as she pressed her blonde hair up into a bun, and tightened her slippers. The little pink shooes were cutting into her pale feet. Small spackles of blood trickled over the seems, and she hastened to wipe it away. She rose to her feet arching her back into the air, and gently swirling with her arms outstretched. "You look like a mess," she muttered to herself. The self loathing was evident in her voice.

The lights flicked on as an older woman wrapped in a shawl slunk in through the open door. "Dakota the studio is now closed. You should get back to the dorm for a goodnight's rest. And for heaven's sake girl take care of those feet," she sighed heavily. "They are a dancer's most important tool."

Dakota scrambled over to her bag that was strewn across the wooden floor. She slung it over her shoulder and eyed herself one last time in the tall mirrors before she exited. "Goodnight Miss. York."

The woman gazed at her as she turned off the lights and locked the door. That girl..., she thought to herself, but didn't finish her thought.

***

The sun wasn't even up yet, but Dakota was first in line outside the studio. Other girls were slowly joining her, but none of them looked thrilled about being there so early. The doors opened from the inside, and she brushed past the night guard to be the first to enter. Finding her place near the front she dropped her bag off and began to stretch on the bar. At this point everyone had arrived, and Miss. York was at the front getting ready to begin. "Ahem," she cleared her throat. "Lets begin with our plies in all five positions ladies." She grabbed the bar at the front and began to bend her legs as she looked over the class. "Dakota your turn out darling. Remember 90 degrees, watch the strain."

" Yes mam," she chirpped. Immediately she turned out her legs from the hip down. She eyed her teacher seeking approval but none came. At that moment the doors creaked open and a girl about Dakota's age inched in rather shyly.

Immediately Miss. York let out a squeal of joy and ran over to greet the new girl. "Miss. Jones welcome to the American Ballet studio." She grabbed the girl by her arm and led her to the front. "This girls is your new competition Autumn Jones. She is here to audition for the internship." Miss. York was quite pleased with this new addition to her dance collection.

The fear flooded into Dakota's eyes. What if this girl was better than her? I'm the best dancer here, she thought to herself. Again she worried, But what if she has natural flow? Dakota was the best that couldn't be argued, but she had terrible feet and had to work twice as hard as the next girl to get where she was. As if reading her mind Miss. York asked the girl to give a demonstration.

Anxiously she grabbed Autumn's bag and pushed her towards the center of the room. "If your sure then," the girl sighed. Clearly she hadn't anticipated this. She raised up onto her toes and began with a graceful grand jete, dancing from foot to foot. Then without hesitation spun out into a Fouette, with her leg extended and then whipped it back closer into her knee. Galantly she hopped up onto the toes of one foot, and dropped into a Pirouette spinning back up in five wonderful rotations. Silently and stone faced she stopped facing the mirrors rather than the group of shocked girls. "Was that satisfactory mam," she asked.

Dakota couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped through her open mouth. It was apparent that the girl was a threat, and a silent ballet assasin. What was Miss. York playing at? The older woman clapped enthusiastically, soon followed by all of the marveled students except Dakota. A look of pure hatred crossed over her lips and slid back out of view as she too began to clap.

"Now Autumn I hear you can do the rarely achieved entrechat dix," she pressed. The girl looked horrified that she was being displayed like this.

"I think I've shown enough today of what I can do." Her stance had stiffened greatly.

Miss. York held her place. "Autumn dearI would think if you would like to stay...you would demonstrate your skill." Her tone had become challenging.

"As you wish mam," she hissed through clentched teeth. She took fifth position and hopped high into the air switching her foot position five times before landing in fifth position again. The room echoed clapping hands and shouts of Bravo.

to be continued.....


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Comments:

This was really good, almost like I was reading it from a book. You had great flow, and an easy read. Great job!

Posted: Aug 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou Ant. I did love this story and I am glad it was satisfactory for you.

thank you for your comment on my page i will give you my opinion on your story once i have read the second part but as for the first part it was very good and a natural flow. The characters emotions are very cleary expressed. On to part 2...

Posted: Aug 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou.

Wow this is really good!! great job!!

Posted: Aug 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou!

Very nice writing. It’s exciting to see strong writing on this site. The storyline is clear. The main characters are quickly defined as rivals and readers can expect jealousy and antagonism along with a physical and internal struggle to be ‘the best’. Classic conflict. As a reader I’m sucked in right away wondering who will triumph, but - will triumph come in spirit or technical proficiency? Nice set-up on a storyline. Even more interesting since I’m following the Olympic gymnasts this week to see how their rivalry plays out.

I think you are at the point in your writing to bring it up a notch and take a serious look at ‘show’ versus ‘tell’ in important scenes and rework this piece using active tense and a consistent Point of View.

You write with a great sense of scene, describing details that bring readers into the moment. The problem is how you share it with your readers. To explain what I mean, think about the difference between sitting in a theater watching a play versus being on the stage and acting in the play. Your story is written as if you were sitting in the theater audience and telling us, the readers, what you see up on the stage. Things like: the girl is in the studio, she’s looking in the mirror, she’s dancing now. Readers see and hear what you are saying but, just like you, they are kept in their seats and simply watch from a distance.

It would be very different if you were on the stage in the middle of the performance. What would you experience from that vantage point? You would feel your heart pound before delivering your lines, see the sweat on the faces of other performers, feel the fabric of their costumes and the props as you play out your performance. You’d smell the fresh paint of the stage scenery.

Imagine you were that girl looking in the mirror at the opening of your story. What is she thinking as she dances? How does the floor feel under her feet? Does she wince when putting pressure on that bleeding foot? What is her image in the mirror when she looks at it in a darkened studio? Is it a shadowy outline? Maybe it could be described in a way that portends the rivalry that is to come. It’s one thing to tell the readers what she is doing, but quite another to bring the reader into the studio with the character. What can you ‘show’ that will move the storyline forward or tie-in with the overall theme of your story?

I’ll come back later and talk more about your scene set-up and active tense if you’d like. My comments always end up too long. I hope this helps even a little. Nice writing style and interesting set-up on your storyline. I enjoyed it. I think ‘showing’ and not ‘telling’ would improve the story. Good job and keep writing.

Posted: Aug 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou very much for your interest. I'm glad you brought this to my attentiona nd I will gladly try to encorporate this new style into some other work however. This peice is rather old and had just been hibernating in my computer. At tis moment I am strained to be finishing my novel for publication. I promise you my work has come a long way since then and I'll make sure i give you proof of that lol. Again thanks and if I do find time I will rewrite this story.

hi! marcus. this is thrilling. healthy rivalry is good for it makes u excel and exceed others' expectations but when there is jealousy involved like dakota's towards autumn, things r bound to go awry. a good read. lol. ;-)

Posted: Aug 17, 2008

Author Comment:

why thankyou bubbly. Yes this is true.



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