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Dear Brittney...I'm Sorry

Short story By: Moody Glum
Young adult



While hitchhiking through New Mexico, I met a a troubled young man who was kind enough to give me a ride, though not kind enough to spare me his unpleasant story. With him he had letters that he'd written his love. He gave them to me, and as they only make me want to drink more...I give them to you.


Submitted:Jul 9, 2013    Reads: 58    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


"Dear Brittney…I'm Sorry"

Letters Stolen by Moody Glum

 

Dear Brittney,

Remember back in 1996, when my family had just moved to Tomball? I was seven years old and didn't know anyone. I wasn't one of the normal kids. I didn't have any friends. I didn't go play ball at the park. You remember. I was the weird, new boy at school that sat by himself at lunch, didn't talk to anyone, and I always read up on that hill at recess.

I remember you were the first human being besides my mom that spoke to me. You walked up to me at my lonely lunch table, your blonde hair bouncing in pig tails your older sister made for you. I guess you saw that I didn't have any lunch that day. Freddy had stolen it from me on the bus ride to school. You reached out your hand and asked, "Do you want my sandwich?"

I still laugh about it sometimes, because I never answered. The butterflies in my stomach killed my ability to talk when you were looking at me with those blue eyes. You just giggled and said, "Well you can have it." Then you left it on the table in front of me and walked away. Have to say…it was the best sandwich I'd ever had.

But then later on the playground that day…

I was up on my hill, reading. You were playing kickball with everyone else. I remember they all loved you. You came up to me and said, "Hey."

"H-hey," I said.

"My name's Brittney."

"I'm uh…uh…"

"Did you forget your name?" you giggled.

"No! It's Bobby! My name's Bobby!"

"Do you wanna come play with us Bobby? You can be on my team. We're winning!"

"No! I don't wanna play!" I stood up. I must have been red in the face.

"Why not?"

"Cause…cause you're dumb!"

"You're a jerk!" Then you ran back to the game, and I remember I sulked around to the back of the school where no one would see me.

I'm sorry, Brittney, that I called you dumb, and that I didn't play kickball with you.

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

Dear Brittney,

You were always gorgeous. You were pretty in elementary school, and then when you showed up to classes after summer for middle school I could barely stand when you would walk by in the hall. I'm sorry I never had the nerve to say hi to you then, or at least smile.

But how could I? You were beautiful, and there I was this chubby kid with a pizza face who always wore a black hoody. For me, then, you were a dream, so I spent my time with Mark and the other losers. We didn't do much except talk about the girls we'd never be with and play video games.

I heard all about your life, though. You were the popular girl. You went to the football games, and you dated the great and powerful Greg Jones who always wore some Abercrombie and Fitch crap. You were going to all the parties, always had someone to text…and you always had me eating my heart out when I had to see you during Mr. Brook's algebra class.

I should've said something. I should've told you how bad I felt for you when I heard your parents split, that I wanted to punch your dad for leaving you like that. I should've told you how great you sang at the talent show.

I'm sorry that I never had the courage to say anything to you then. I'm sorry I couldn't just spit out how I felt about you. I'm sorry I couldn't even say "hey".

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

 

 

Dear Brittney,

Well freshman year finally rolled around and I was a new man. My face cleared up, I grew up and in and was determined to make it a better social year than what I had in the past. Of course nothing changed too much. Mark was still my best friend and I still preferred video games over football games, but at least I was talking more, and I finally got rid of the black hoody.

I had Johnson for P.E., and you best friend Julie had it, too. We were supposed to be doing laps around the track the day that I finally started talking to her. I got up the nerve to ask about a party I heard your sister was throwing that Friday while your mom was on vacation with some new boyfriend. She said anyone was invited and I eventually worked the address out of her.

Friday night showed up in a flash, and it was me and Mark like always. I convinced him to go so that he could get drunk and hit on cheerleaders. We waited until my parents went to bed, then snuck out and headed down the neighborhood. It took thirty minutes. Mark kept asking, "What are you gonna say? What are you gonna do?" and I kept telling him to shut up.

We got there at midnight. I saw about twenty people from our grade there, and I was ecstatic that Greg was nowhere to be found.

I remember I was so nervous that I started drinking immediately. I think the first thing I grabbed was actually someone else's beer, but I chugged it before they noticed. For about thirty minutes that was what I did - drink after drink after drink. I was hammered by the time I saw you.

I went outside to pee in the bushes when I heard you yell, "Bobby what are you doing!"

"Brittney!" I spun around to see you up on the balcony. I turned around so quick that I peed on your porch and you pretty much saw all of me.

"Ah Bobby! I don't wanna see that!" You were laughing.

I finished as quickly as I could and turned back to face you. You were wearing a pink dress with blonde hair on your shoulders. You weren't drinking, just standing alone out on the balcony. Everyone else was inside. It was just me and you. "What are you doing by yourself?"

"I could ask you the same question!"

"I'm peeing! Are you peeing?"

"No!" You laughed, and your smile could've knocked my drunken ass to the ground. "I'm just…I just wanted to get out…"

"I can't hear you! Hold on!" I marched forward and grabbed the drain pipe, then scaled up the brick wall, like some sort of knight climbing a castle wall to the maiden.

"Bobby! What the hell are you doing! You're gonna break your neck you idiot!"

I got to the balcony, beaming ear to ear to be that close to you. "I made it, see?" You had to help me get over the railing. You laughed. "Bobby you're so crazy."

"And you're gorgeous." I must've made things awkward, just standing there and staring at your face.

"I think you're drunk."

"You and that douche bag broke up right?"

"Greg? Yea. It's been about three weeks."

"Good. He was so…so wrong for you. You can do so much better." You had to hold onto me as I swayed back and forth. "Can I - can I tell you something?"

"What?" You were smiling.

"You're beautiful." I closed my eyes and went for it, just plunged drunkenly and messily onto your lips. I guess you were surprised. You let me stay there for a moment before pushing me off.

Brittney, I'm not sorry about kissing you, and I don't care that I was the joke of the school for a while afterwards. The only thing I'm sorry for about that night is puking on your balcony moments after I got my first smooch.

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

 

 

Dear Brittney,

I'm sorry that it took me till sophomore year to finally ask you out. I spent a lot of time avoiding you the rest of freshman year after what happened at your party, and then I didn't even see you over summer. I promised myself, though, that I would get a date the next year if it killed me.

As luck would have it we were lab partners in Ms. Youngblood's that year, fifth period, remember? You were always so much smarter than I was, but then again I really wasn't paying attention to anything else while you were sitting next to me. I would try and pass you notes, and you'd laugh at my jokes but not write anything back because you didn't want to get in trouble. I heard you'd stayed single since the party, so all I had to do was work up the nerve.

Finally I did it. We were dissecting frogs when I just blurted it out. "You wanna go out with me?"

"What?"

"Like…on a date. Do you wanna go on a date with me?"

You giggled. "Bobby this isn't really the typical place to ask a girl out."

"So…yes?"

You laughed. "All right. Just a date, though. Don't get attached already."

"Oh I promise. I'm definitely not an attached guy. I'm cool."

You laughed some more. "You're a dork."

We went out Saturday night. I spent an hour cleaning out my Oldsmobile. I must have sprayed a gallon of cologne on and put on my best button-up. Then I picked you up at seven. You had your hair in curls and were wearing another pink dress. My heart was racing so bad that I couldn't think of anything to say on the way to the movies. I couldn't even say much while we were there, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't very smooth when I slowly put my arm around your shoulders.

When I walked you back to your front door I couldn't help but stand there in that awkward silence I was so good at. "Sorry I was…I didn't talk a lot."

You smiled. "It's okay."

"I guess I'm just nervous, you know? You're so…you know….awesome and pretty and I don't know what to say to you."

"Bobby, don't worry. It's all right."

I moved closer to you. I was going to force myself to do it, or I would kill myself later if I didn't. "I wanna kiss you."

"Then do it."

I leaned in and you met me, and that was the best moment of my life. It also turned into the best make out session of my life before your mom came to the door and yelled at us.

Before you went inside I asked, "Can we go out again?"

"Yes, Bobby."

"Can I call you?"

"You better!"

Your mom yelled at you some more and away you went, still smiling back at me. I never even slept that night. It was the third best night of my life.

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

Dear Brittney,

I'm sorry that it took me five dates to finally ask you to be my girlfriend.

But I'll never be sorry for all the times we went back to movie theatre and never actually paid attention to the movie. I'll never be sorry for the late night phone calls to talk about anything and everything and things that would've meant something only to you and me. I'll never be sorry for buying you pink lilies, your favorite, every week so you could keep them in your room. I'll never be sorry for beating the hell out of Greg for what he called you in the hall. I wasn't even sorry when I got suspended for two days because of it. I'm not sorry that I got you in trouble when I convinced you to skip school with me so we could spend the day at the town fair.

I'm sorry about scraping your elbow that one time in the backseat of my Oldsmobile. Remember, when we were at the drive-in? You said it was fine and I kissed the scratch. We went back at it for a minute before I stopped and leaned up, looking down at your moonlit face.

"What?"

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Shut up!"

"No, for real. I think I…I lo-"

You put your hand over my mouth. "Don't say it."

There was silence.

"That's what my dad told my mom," you said. "I just don't wanna hear it."

I paused a bit. "Okay, I won't."

I'm sorry, Brittney, that I didn't ignore you and say it anyway.

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

 

Dear Brittney,

Remember back when we were juniors? We were going together like we had been, and then suddenly your dad came back from wherever he'd been. He told your mom she was worthless and did an awful job of raising her daughters. Of course he said all this while also trying to get money out her, but he left with nothing and he deserved it.

I'm sorry he did that to you.

I remember I kept trying to get you to come out, but you wouldn't even answer the phone you were crying so badly. I snuck out to your house that night and climbed up to the balcony like I had way back when. When I knocked on your window you called me crazy and wanted me to leave you alone.

"Please," I said. "It's me, Brittney. I'm not gonna leave you like this."

You let me in and we sat on your bed. You told me everything and cried in my lap. Around 2 in the morning you stopped crying and started laughing again at any stupid thing I could think of to make you happy.

You climbed on top of me and held my face. "Bobby, say it."

"Say what?" I said smiling.

"Don't be like that! Say it."

I paused. "You sure?"

You nodded. "I wanna hear it."

"Brittney…I love you."

And you kissed me, and we lost ourselves to each other that night, in your bed. It was the second best night of my life.

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

 

 

Dear Brittney,

I'm sorry that for the last few months of our senior year I had to drive you around in my dad's old piece of crap truck. I loved how you didn't even care, though. You see, I had to sell the Oldsmobile to get something else…

It was April 20th last year when I drove us out to the lake for the evening. I parked the truck along the bank and we lay out on a blanket in the bed. The stars were bright, and you were wearing your favorite pink dress.

I remember you were going to go the community college after graduation, and I was headed to work with my dad in the oil fields.

"You think everyone's gonna change? I mean, in five years or so?" I asked.

"I don't know." You put your head on my shoulder. "Are we gonna change?"

I sat up and grabbed your hands, pulling you out of the truck and standing onto the ground. "Bobby what are you doing?"

"Brittney," I held your hands. "I don't want us to ever change."

You stared silently back.

"I love you." I was so nervous. It was like I was back at my lonely lunch table and you were walking up to me and handing me your sandwich. "I…I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

I got down on one knee. You put your hands over your mouth and started tearing up.

"I wanna get a house together with you! I wanna have children with you! I wanna grow old with you!" I stopped, then dug into my pocket and pulled it out, a gold band with a diamond on top. "Brittney, will you marry me?"

You were silent for what seemed like an hour. Then you grabbed me and picked me to my feet and buried my lips against yours.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes! I'll marry you!"

We kissed again and again and again. After a few minutes we settled down and I handed you the ring. "This is gorgeous. How did you pay for it? Is it real?"

"Of course it's real!"

"Then how?"

"The Oldsmobile."

"You told me you gave it to your cousin."

"Yea well I lied."

"It says something on the inside. What is it?"

"Read it."

"I love you and I'll love you forever." You were crying and smiling. Then you kissed me again.

That was the best night of my life.

 

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby

 

 

Dear Brittney,

I'm sorry, and I'll always be sorry for that night at the graduation party. I'm sorry for every drop I drank.

You were so happy that night. Your smile made me, and I knew when I looked at you that you meant everything in the world to me.

I'm sorry that I was the one that drove that piece of shit truck. I'm sorry you loved me enough to trust me when I said we'd make it home.

I'm sorry I ran the light.

I'm sorry that he hit your side and not mine.

I'm sorry that I couldn't trade our places, watching you slip away in the passenger seat, and I'm sorry that the ambulance came too late.

I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you everything I wanted to one last time, how I felt about you and how much I needed you, how much I loved you.

I'm sorry you died that night on the way to the hospital.

I'm sorry that I couldn't even face your funeral, or your family. I'm sorry how much I made them cry, how much your mom cried and held your picture.

I'm sorry I can't scream enough to get you back, to see you smile or see those blue eyes.

I miss you so much, and I'm sorry you're not here.

I'm sorry that it's at your grave I have to visit you now, and every week I'll bring pink lilies to lay down for you.

I'm sorry you didn't have the life I promised you. I'm sorry I won't have a house with you, and I won't have children that would call you their mother.

Brittney, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I promise you that there will never be a day that goes by where I don't think of you.

You took my heart when we were seven, and it'll always be yours.

 

I love you and I'll love you forever,

Bobby





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