Once upon a time there was a stupid little boy. His name was Jared. Everyone hated him because he was so ugly and always smelled like a sleeping llama and never just chilled down because he always had sand in his left ear hole. One day he went to Hot Topic because he wanted to get the Blood on the Dance Floor CD but he realized that they were terrible and he didn't understand why he liked them so much. He decided to dye his hair black and scratch his arms with toothpicks because he hated life. His mom was very worried about him because his mom was black. She was also a man. From Nigeria. Her name was Tyrone. She was married to another man named Jerome. He was also black. And Mormon. Together they were black and Mormon. The only problem was that Jared was white and his mom actually DID give birth to him. Jared felt very insecure about himself because sometimes his dad would massage Jared in a way he didn't want to be massaged. He would massage Jared's ears to try and get all the sand out but Jared felt uncomfortable about this because his ears were so sensitive to the harsh touch of Jerome's harshness. Jared, with his new stupid black hair, decided to go try and hit on fat chicks because that's probably the only type of girl he could get cuz he liked Blood on the Dance Floor. All of his friends hated him because he freaking liked Blood on the Dance Floor. They're really terrible. Their music is like a fat chick trying to wear skinny jeans. Or like a fat chick trying to diet by drinking Diet Coke with their Big Macs. Or like a fat chick trying to be sexy. Or something. The point is they're really bad and fat. One of their freaking members molested a 15 year old girl. That's so stupid. 15 year old girls aren't even that attractive. Like what the heck? Anyway the sand in Jared's ear was really sandy. He decided to go to Florida because that's the only place he could fit in because he had so much sand in his ear. But the only problem was he was to poor and too ugly to go to Florida. He was also really fat. And he likes Obama. I freaking hate Obama. My dad doesn't have a job because he couldn't get past 3rd grade. Like wtf Obama? Even freaking Jared passed the 3rd grade. This is why Obama sucks. Jared doesn't think Obama sucks because his mom is a black man. This is completely unfair and unconstitutional. Slavery is illegal. So is marijuana. Jared really wished he was anorexic so he could take off his shirt and not feel bad about himself. So instead he would sit home all day and play Xbox because he liked Blood on the Dance Floor. Jared began stroking his luscious eyelashes. They were very soft, like a decapitated chinchilla head. The End.