What if your blessings come
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if my greatest dissappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
I stared through my window, the stars were speckled randomly across the still night. Thin clouds were spread across the sky, and the moon was nothing but a tiny sliver. Silently, it began to rain. Tiny drops running down my window pane.
"Olivia!" I heard my daddy shout.
I quickly scooted from my window and laid back down in my bed, to give the appearance that I had been asleep.
"Olivia!" he shouted again, this time closer. He jerked open my bedroom door.
I kept my eyes tightly shut as he approached my bed.
"Get up!" I felt something hit my back. Then his hand met my arm as he yanked me out of my bed.
My eyes jerked open, and met his. But he wasn't really looking at me, I knew. His eyes were glazed over; he was drunk.
"Daddy..." I whimpered, trying to break free of his grip.
He glared at me through the glaze and lifted his other hand back. And then he hit me. The pain jolted through me, my nerves traveled through my skin to deliver the message that I'd been hit by something.
I screamed, but he didn't say anything. He threw me on the ground and kicked me in the stomach.
Tears fell down my face. I couldn't catch my breath.
"Please stop Daddy!" I yelled. He kept kicking, harder.
It had been a few minutes, but it felt like years to me.
"Mommy!" I whimpered loudly through my sobs.
"Mommy's not here!" he shouted loudly at me, "Mommy left because of you! Mommy didn't want you, she hated you, so she left."
That got me. I was silent from then on. Mommy didn't want me? Mommy hated me?
He grabbed my arm again, and dragged me. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel my legs or stomach. And my face was soaked.
He dragged me to the stairs, and then pushed me down. My body was too numb to feel the pain from the crash at the bottom, but it made me more numb. Daddy walked down towards me, and I tried to move away but I couldn't. He grabbed my arm again and dragged me across the carpet to the backdoor. He pulled the door open, it hit my head. I shrank back, but didn't yell.
He threw open the screen door and picked me up, but held me away from him, and threw me out into the rain.
drip drop drip drop drip drop
The night was silent. And cold. I shivered in my tee shirt and shorts. I was on the middle of the patio. My body ached. But my heart ached the most.
The rain plastered my hair to my face.
It started to get colder, and colder, and colder, until I couldn't feel the cold anymore. I couldn't feel anything anymore.
And then I started too feel...warm and safe and loved.
I wanted to open my eyes and know for sure that I wasn't at my house anymore, that I was somewhere better, somewhere where Daddy couldn't hurt me anymore. But before I opened my eyes and said goodbye to my house forever, I had one last thing to say.
"I love you, Daddy."
My lips moved, no words came out, but I didn't know that.
I didn't care. I was safe.