The young man sits on his couch, propped up against the corner of it with one foot on the ground and the other lying across the couch.  Half sitting down, half lying.  The news is on and he watches is with as much interest as he can muster about some stupid economic situation half the world over; that's not much interest.  He looks over at the table beside him, at his half eaten sandwich.  That's not exactly right, half the sandwich is still left and a little bit of the other half is also lying on the plate, it's cut diagonally.  Sandwiches taste better when they are cut that way, the young man doesn't question it, how could he?  He just accepts it, picks up the untouched half of the sandwich and takes a bite from it.  The sandwich tastes like shit, it'd be unbearable if it wasn't cut diagonally.  He puts the remainder on the plate, two incomplete halves of sandwich, tomato and mayonnaise between two burnt pieces of bread.  Funny how amazing that may sound to people in different countries, even though the tomato is shit.

    The young man looks back at the television.  Something about some struggle somewhere he doesn't know.  He tries to muster up sympathy for the people living there and feels a pang of guilt when it doesn't come to him, he quickly brushes that aside.  A sad thought enters his head, these people's suffering serves as a conversation topic for us.  People are dying and if we don't know about it we are less... we are uninformed, woe to he who is uninformed.  Such a fucked up pretentious society.  Nobody talks about that, though, not casually.  No, that's serious talk, people dying is what we talk about casually just, not our people.  The young man realizes he went on this tangent to try and feel some guilt, it worked a little, a smile graces his face as he feels somewhat humane.  That smile leaves as he realizes he just used people's suffering to make him feel humane.

    The young man contemplates why he watches the news.  It doesn't make him feel good and people love showing they know things, if anything, people would love him if he didn't know the news and asked them to explain what had happened.  He's not going to do anything about it, hell, he'll feel worse if he doesn't eat dinner than if he watches hours of these people suffering.  It's a shit world filled with shit people.  News is worse than porn... Porn is great.  The young man considers watching porn.

    The news changes.  Something about a thirteen year old girl being lost a couple cities east.  A small part of the young man's mind rejoices - he can relate to this.  Trying to muster as much pain from this as he can, feel as bad for the parents of the child as he can, he imagines what has happened to her.  Such a shit world.  Kidnapped?  Yeah, otherwise it wouldn't be on the news.  Shit like this doesn't get on the news unless it has a chance to have a bad ending... or a heroic one...  She must have been gone a while.  Raped?  Probably, the people who populate this world are fucking sick shits.  Shit world, shit people.  She's probably dead.  The young man conjures up the image of his fourteen year old Julie.  She's at her mom's, never should have divorced the bitch, never should have lost Julie.  All the same, his child gives him the gift of feeling humane for a little while.  Then worried... irrational, reasonless worry.

    The young man goes to the phone, 11:00 PM?  Maybe her mother is still awake.  He calls her.  After the eighth ring the bitch picks up, she's not happy but, she tries to seem it.  She realizes who is calling; she stops pretending to be happy.  The bitch yells and the young man asks about Julie.  The bitch yells.  The young man cries.  The phone gets hung up.  There is alcohol in the kitchen and the young man goes to get it.  No clean glasses, he drinks from the bottle.

    The young man drinks.  He drinks for the countries that can't feed their people, he drinks for the people who can't feed their kids, he drinks for the kid, lonely, raped, dead.  Some combination of those.  The kid doesn't deserve that, Julie doesn't deserve that, the bitch does.  The bitch said that Julie hates the young man, she was lying maybe.  She was lying.  Maybe.  She was lying... Maybe.  What if Julie hates me.  The drinks come faster, the thoughts get more absurd.

    Julie hates the young man, he thinks and cries.  Young men aren't supposed to cry but that doesn't matter to him, he lives in a world of shitty people.  People killing people, raping people, raping kids, raping Julie.  The worse he feels about the world the more he feels like he cares about it, the more he feels humane.  He thinks of all the fathers with raped daughters.  All the mothers with murdered sons and deep down he is happy, he is humane.  The young man of fifty frowns.  Julie hates him, he shouldn't have touched her, he shouldn't have touched her and the bitch shouldn't have seen.

    The young man is no better than the people who kill, rape and kidnap.  The young man is a shit person in a shit world.  The young man makes the world shit... But no more.  He grabs his gun and puts it to his head, one less shit.  He shoots and the bullet tears through his cheek.  Fuck, the young man can't do anything right, he convulses in pain on the floor until he catches his reflection.  He calms down, the gun goes in his mouth, he's ready for it this time.

    A gunshot and a death in one city.  Two cities over, a thirteen year old girl is found.  She in unharmed.  A young man found her and took care of her, he wasn't a shit, he loved the world.