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Hi Everyone. Here I am with a short story based on MA's challenge. The title was "WHERE DID I SEE GOD TODAY?" and the word limit was 1800.The story completed with 1893 words excluding what happened after 10years (Addendum).
DO SHARE YOUR VIEWS AS TO 'WHERE DO YOU THINK GOD IS?"
ALL CRITICISMS AND SUGGESTIONS ARE HEARTILY WELCOME AND PLEASE HELP ME CORRECT THE USAGE OF TENSES...I KEPT JUMPING TENSES. SORRY FOR THE INCOVENIENCE. I WILL SURELY CORRECT IT IN THE NEXT EDITING.
THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TO THIS PAGE.
The SNAP HERE IS OF MY MOM AND MY SON ( WHEN he WAS 2 YEARS OLD)
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Submitted: Jun 8, 2008 Reads: 454 Comments: 57 Likes: 27
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Ahh, that was a wonderful story. I thought it was very emotional. I loved it. :) I have a friend whom's brother was also diagnosed with Down's Syndrome at birth. It's very sad to think about, but she doesn't let his condition get in the way of her love for him.
Now, as for your question 'Where do you think God is?', well I think God is in everyone who believes in Him. I think He is a very personal being who dwells in the soul of the kind and faithful. But humans and animals aren't the only restrictions. God is found in nature, for nature is a good thing. However He does not exist wherever evil may be present. :)
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
Oh wow. This almost made me cry, and I never cry. How sad for that baby sister! Her parents left her because she was different! Oh the thought makes my heart hurt.
Wonderful emotion. God is everywhere, in everything. He has no limitations.
~Kaori
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
...
That was so very sad.. :( It almost made me cry. How a parent could do that to their child, I'll never know. And I'm not even a mother. Heh.
~!~Megan~!~
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
Wow...what a wonderful story...I really like it!!!!!
To b honest, I cry when I read this...that was good!
Luv it!n_n
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
It's... wow. God truly is everywhere and I believe that with all my heart. There is darkness everywhere, but, as you showed in these teens, there is also light. A very beautiful and amazing peice. =) Mandy
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
^_^ oh Pratibha, you are wonderful story teller!
I was captivated through the whole read.
yes, how do I see God? as a captivating essence pervading everything.
Thankyou for this special read Pratibha
have sweet dreams tonight ^_^ God Bless you ~katie
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
...........that was so beautiful!
i love how u made teenagers the ones to talk about this.
i believe god is everywhere too, but especially in the rustling of the trees on a breezy day. its like hes saying, look frankie, look at the beauty of the world i made.
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
Wow, I really, really liked this short story. Very sweet and innocent. I very nice suject to write about to. It was very well written, and I could just picture the whole thig in my mind's eyes, like I was really there. I really loved it. ^^
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
Very well done. As for where I think God is I think he is alpha and omega, he is everywhere and everything, that is righteous, pure, and holy. He is with me everyday at every hour.
Though I do have to question about today's generation of teenagers, especially American teenagers, some have no general knowledge of how to live as an adult, so that hurts their chances of ever changing the world. For example teenagers having kids before they have finished their general education. It's a sad fact, but true for many here, but there are those few who will make a difference.
~DarkFairy~
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
where is GOD?
HE's everywhere. everything these kids said have truths. for once, Vaibhav said he sees GOD in his parents. as a christian, i'm constantly reminded to honor my parents, obeying their words and caring for them. it's in the ten commandments so whenever we are honoring our parents, we are honoring GOD because HE wants us to respect and love our fathers and mothers.
Natasha said that she sees GOD in the face of little children. i remembered JESUS said once that one whose heart is like a child have an access to Heaven. Children are pure, innocent, far from the knowledge of good and wrong. GOD cares for them deeply. so if HE sees anyone hurting young ones, HE won't like it.
Ayush said he sees GOD in his love for Natasha. this is true. once a man found the woman he loved so much and they get married, they'd become one. if the woman is hurt, he'll feel as bad as her and vice versa. GOD demands husbands and wives to honor their marriage and respect each other. so, in marriage too we find GOD.
Nikhil said he sees GOD in a beggar. how true this is. whenever we help the homeless and the needies, we are actually making the angels dance.
Shatabdi tells of the dog, Jimmy. GOD had demanded that we don't kill animals for fun. it is sadistic to do such thing... (being a dog lover, i hate what they did to Jimmy)
and that baby... i believe GOD loves little babies, and HE wants us to protect them and care for them.
This is heartmoving, Pratibha. Thumbs up for the short story:D I love it so very much:)
Posted: Jun 8, 2008
honestly... I didn't read the story yet... but I gotta tell, the title is an eyecatcher :) and definitely a head turner !!! :)
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I thought you wrote this story very well, but as to your question where do you think God is...well...not sure if my answer is what your looking for. I'm assuming you mean God as in the Christian God, but I'm Wiccan. If your wondering where I think the Wiccan God and Goddess are then my reply is everywhere. They are in the trees that surround us, the grass and dirt we walk on, the air we breathe, the sun, the sky, the moon, the water, the fire...they are everywhere. But if your questions is where do I think the Christian God is then my reply is nowhere because I don't believe in him. I hope that helped...
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
What a wonderful, uplifting story! The story of the beggar lady struck me especially. I think you did a very nice job. As for "Where Did I See God Go?" I think you did a great job of showing us that God is in everyone. Very nice job!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
hi there, i admire the way you took teenagers to do the talking for you... What's interesting is that teenagers in today's society hardly ever talk about God and their believes. It's not "cool" If more teenagers think about what God does for them our world will be a much more beautiful place to live in. Just a question? Is this a true story? It's filled with emotion and compassion.
Today I saw God when I opened my eyes and I was able to see. When I opened my mouth and I was able to speak. When I touched and I was able to feel. When I listened and I was able to hear.
When I took my food and I was able to taste and eat.
When I looked at my house and I realised I had a place to stay. When I looked at my bed and realised I've got a warm bed to sleep in. When I got in my car and went to work, I've got work I can provide for my family.
God is everywhere...... God makes everything possible. God loves everyone more than you can possibly love yourself. He forgives all your sins and he understands you.
I can see God now, working through you to talk to everyone here, including me.... To remind us of how GREAT AND POWERFULL he is......
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I was deeply moved and touched by this story. It brought tears to my eyes. Seeing the sensitivity of these children and watching how they grew up into caring responsible, and loving adults was so beautiful. You are a powerful writer, Pratibha and I am glad to have met you even though it is over the internet. If I saw you in person I would give you a big hug.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
There are others that are not worthy to be parents...thats for sure...I loved it. Am a sucker for emotions so this hit me good. A completely brilliant piece Pratibha.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I forgot to say how lovely your mother is with your young son.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
Hello,
i liked ur short story, the idea behind it and the sentiment you portrayed are commendable. UR characters were all intresting and the dialogue was mostly crisp. Here are a few things which i think you can improve upon.
1. you need to pick up the pace of ur narrative, it needs to flow more realistically.
2. You need to work on some of the dialogue especially the longer parts of it. Try to break up the dialogue by adding aspects of the characters surroundings and their feelings.
3. you also need to let the readers see, smell and feel your characters in addition to merely listening to what they have to say. Bring out their emotions and describe their stories a little more. Also describe their physical characteristics a bit more.
4. last but certainly not the least u really need to work on the editing of this piece, in a poem if you make a few grammatical errors a readers intrest does not wane but if you do the same thing in a story than the pace and drama of ur narrative diminishes, and a reader loses intrest.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
hi! pratibha. this is a great one on friendship and upholding moral values. its the need of the time. good work. lol. ;-)
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
A very nice story, narrated very well, i enjoyed reading it. The photo you have posted looks really good and very apt for this topic as well. Keep writing!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
Aw, what a great story! It's shocking what people will do, but there the children showed more moral than the adults and I think that is a statement in its self. Children can see things differently are often more accepting than adults. They don't have judgements to bare... not yet anyhow. A great read Pratibha, I'm inspired now. :) ~ Nixie
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
You can breathe now, lol.
You did a wonderful job with the story. I do truly believe that God is everywhere, in the faces of us all, in our homes, in nature, in spirit. I somewhat agree with XxEmoHeartxX... Do you speak of a Certain God, or the God of us all?
Personally, I don't belive in religion. Religion is man made. I belive we are all worshipping the same God, we just have different perspectives on Him. That's just my personal opinion.
I was going to let you know about some mistakes, but Azmat Shah commented with the same things I was going to say.
Either way, you did an excellent job. You took the challenge and totally delivered with a story that is bound to bring up questions, plenty of comments, and LOTS of opinions!!
MA
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
That was a wonderful story. It was an expression of one's faith about God's presence. ^^
God is everywhere. When we do something holy, we are close to Him. Holy doesn't only mean praying or going to mass. It also involves doing ordinary things--talking, playing, dancing, singing, anything that we do selflessly.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
A moving story, indeed. You were given a word limit and you have managed to say a lot within that.
I think you should also write an expanded version of the story, with some added elements like adding some more narrative and sensory elements - if you want, you can divide it into chapters and write. There's a lot of potential here for further development of the story - for eg., the mean boys who burnt the dog could turn really nasty and try harrassing the teen friends when they attempt to raise their voices against them; the mother who dumped the Down's child realizing her mistake when she herself becomes invalid due to some accident (and then her own daughter shames her by taking good care of her), etc.
It's not necessary, of course, if you want to keep the story simple, because there's a beauty in it the way it is, already.
I'm not a follower of organized religion, but I am deeply spiritual. I agree with all here who say that they see God in every little thing in our lives.
I would also like to add that apart from the things that have already been mentioned here, I also see God in acts which have been executed in a planned and efficient manner (because I have seen that not everynoe is bothered about it), and also in the desire of people for self-improvement, when they seek beauty, love and embrace life.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
*scrolling*
finally! i made it to the comment box!
hahaha alrighty - well pratibha, you have written a marvelous story!! i absolutely loved it! very touching, heartwarming, and deep.
my only critique is that it seemed a bit TOO deep for teenagers; depending on the age it varies how deep in thought they are. they are in 9th grade (i'm assuming b/c you called it 'class 9th') so eh, yeah i guess people start thinking more in depth by that age. just some things suprised me and sounded more adult-ish
but stepping aside from that - WOW
you blew me away with this story. you know, we often ask ourselves, is god there? is he really here with us now? yeah you know you feel him more so in a holy place, but what about here? or there? a simple place or in a simple person? you just begin to think about all those things - and i think you created a lovely story that speaks those thoughts that we often have, whether 'we' being teens or adults. the thought crosses our mind and we see him working his magic in so many ways in so many places
anywho
marvelous work pratibha! this was a very enjoyable read ^^
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
pratibha...I can say i have read lots of poem and short stories since joining Booksie, yet none have made me cry this did.....it was to me a very heart felt tribute to what you were exspressing and you did a really great job.....When i had Samantha who was as you know very physically and mentaly handicapped my mother in law told me to put her in care, my sister said if it were hers she would put her in care, I was only 21 when i had her there was not much support around then either but God gave her to me and your story was wonderful in the fact that her sister cared....Handicapped children can bring and give so much love it is unreal...thankyou for such a wonderful story..and the tears!!! have a special day
love and wishes Juliet
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
that's very good. you have so much talent.
Lydia_xxxx
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
a very touching story.
ur narration was too good.
lovely bunch of children made the characters of your story.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I loved the story...sad, but it was perfect in its own way. I see God everywhere, but especially through nature. The trees and lakes and oceans are all so beautiful and I see him through their beauty. I also see God through other people. I loved this story!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I work with children who have many 'Special Needs' Down's being only a part of them. Some children exhibit behaviour which shows that they have difficulty communicating with the world outide of their mind but those with Down's are often bright, chatty and certainly full of love, many go on to have successful and fulfilling lives. The language you use is coloured with colloquialisms that may seem odd to readers from other cultures and this can be distracting for the reader but we are all here to learn and no one is perfect despite their pretences. As for God: to those who believe in Him, He is real. To those who do not believe in Him, He does not exist.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
Com..on...
I think it is story and it is the feelings of the person who has written it.
So I think we should not pull in religion, race, cast or anything into this type of devine feelings.
Sorry to state this but I do not agree on Christianty, Hinduism, or Islam to see god. It is the feelings and the perception of seeing the reallity... we might say god.. truth of life... or bad aspects of society... or whats so ever... but it is the facts of real life...
Yes ther are some problems with the naration of the story as it is common with everybody other than professionals.. but I think before becoming professionals.... everybody starts like this....
In my view Job is really well done in this story and in the light of God we have seen some of the worst...and best feelings of individuals particularly the kids..
The worst in the eyes of the downs syndrome baby or the old lady in the story but good is with the childrens who are in the story...
I think these type of stories are eye openers for the people who do not see the real world most of the time...
Well done keep it up do not get distracted by the artificial world where life is through either Chrstianity,Hiduism or with any particular race or religion.....
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
beautiful...and I'm kind of upset at the person who commented before me *growls*, but to keep my cool and focus on this brilliant story, it is truly one of my favorite pieces written by you. inpirational and uplifting, you really outdid yourself:P
Steph(:
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
i really dont like it when people kill dogs. i found that part of the story really sad. and jimmy is one of my favorite names too...
anyway, this is a really powerful and moving story. great job! =)
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
I am touched by your story. So often it is difficult to see God anywhere. Weighed down by the terrible thoughtlessness in the world, the atrocities, the everyday grunge. We look outside of ourselves and cry - Why?? I will be upfront and say I see God in very loose terms. Raised Catholic, I have those trappings leaving a mark on my blueprint, yet I hope to reach beyond any singular definition. I see God in very broad terms. I feel there are many varied and colorful paths to the Divine. Within and Without. Especially in the grit of our daily struggles. If we would only stop and contemplate the notion that each of us has a measure of divinity, maybe this world would be a little brighter. Yet I will admit to being a pessimist at times and maybe a tiny smidge of nihilist. And I wonder - what is this life for? Hope is my only answer. I see God there.
Posted: Jun 9, 2008
i saw this yesterday when you posted it up. i didn't get to finish reading it until today, and i must say, you took on the challenge well. Great job!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
God is in you.
SO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. ^^
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
I liked this story very very much. I have the attention span of the average three-year-old and it is rare that a story captivates me as quickly as yours did. From your responses to other comments, I assume parts of the story are true. What made this story so compelling for me is that all of it could be true; that these children (and to me, teenagers are still children) found such goodness within themselves.
Oh, and don't worry so much about the tenses and the grammatical hitches. Those can be fixed quickly and easily. It's the story that matters, always the story.
As to you your question, where do I see God? I see Him most clearly in the dark. Not the darkness of night, but the darkness of pain and injustice and tragedy. I believe, as many others have already stated, that He is in all things good. It's just that I see Him most clearly when I can't see anything else. He is what brings the light back.
Thank you for a beautiful story.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
This story is simply amazing, Pratibha. We all see GOD in many different forms. I often see GOD in all the wonderful writers and artists who grace the world with their amazing talents. I believe that GOD is in you and that he is guiding your hand. Keep writing. I hope to read more of your work.
Alek Azrael
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
OMG THIS IS JUST FABULOUS!!! it touched me, the only story that touched me, i had tears in my eyes when divya told her story!! Oh my golly gosh! this is extremly well done!! WOW WOW WOW!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Pratibha this is a thoughtful and beautiful piece of writing. What I like, as well as the hopeful and inspiring Christian message, is the stories within the stories touching many aspects of people's lives. (things that happen, things we know about - today often that Down's Syndrome child is "deleted" as an embryo)
I liked the vehicle of the young people in your story to spread your message, although there is maybe a little bit of irony in that because it is the generation least likely to discuss or think about God.
Alas! Well done my dear writer friend.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Very heart wrenching P. I think you did an excellent job of writing where emotion could flow through the reader as it did the reading itself.
Where do I see God?
It is by faith I see God in everything each and everday, in the whistle of the wind against my face, rustling through long grasses and branches of trees full of jade leaves, in the smile of a baby, the innocence of a child, the smile of a passerby, in answered prayer, even in war as he protects our soldiers defending whatever they may be defending. There is not a moment God turns his back on the world, he's there in sadness and happiness, in nature and blessings of life. And where I saw God personally today (July 10, 2008)was in the gorgeous blue eyes of a baby so angelic and happy.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Hellow Prat. I have always come across your goodness of heart that is reflected in your works. And when you ask, "Where did I see God today", I must say I see it in you, I see it in your story and in the innumerable readers who read it. God bless you. An excellent story.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Pratibha, Such a beautiful and touching story. Truly heartfelt! I believe God is everywhere and in everyone that allows Him in.
He stands at the door and knock. only then will He come in when you let Him in.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Amazing story! I was really touched by the story. All of us look for god, but very few of us realize that god in our heart. You become a god-send angel when you serve a fellow human or do a good deed. The demon is us also shows its claws and fangs, every time we get violent or abusive. Good work, Pratibha.
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
This was a great story and conveys such a brilliant message. I also love your choice of characters they are all curious, kind hearted and slightly outspoken - which makes these teens sound very mythical as teens today can be very withdrawn from issues like the one you have highlightened for us today.
So...'Where did I see god today?' Well, personally I see God within ourselves, not in the sky or in statues/pictures/figurines or in places of worship. I think God is a psycological thing, as we all have our different perceptions of God. To acquire confidence or determination means believing in yourself therefore believe in the the God inside you. That's why we have religious extremists; they believe that they dying for God, but why is it that the majority of people who share the same religion as them do not see it in the same way? Well, I think it's because it's the God inside them that they have interpreted or perhaps misinterpreted, which has led to them committing their actions. So the character of a person can be judge by the way that they perceive their inner God.
So Pratibha, I saw God inside me and inside all those that I've seen today.
Keep up the great work!
Olola.
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
I cant stop myself from exclaiming 'WoW' !!!
I liked every bit of it. It was quite nostalgic....reminded me how me and friends would chat for hours on our rooftop esp when the exams were over..
It is sorry that now days kids and teens dont have the opportunity to connect with their inner selves..they r flooded with media net games tv movies..........
Good story.. wish it reaches out to all those children out there
continue with such themes!
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
Beautiful , super , great ! It's a pleasure to my eyes to read it as much as possible.
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
This was so sweet Pratibha:). I loved the story-- it was sad, but to think that there are people out there like the people in your story, the characters, that do good deeds is one step into a better world:).
I see people that do good deeds as GOD. I think that my dad is GOD because he donates blood; I think that my mom is GOD because she brougth me up in the world, saved animals around here and there, and is always kind to people; I think that my brother is GOD because he makes me laugh, and not feel lonely; I think that my dog is GOD because he always tries to cheer me up when I'm sad. He's always there wagging his tail, placing himself right in front of my life; I think my friends are GOD because without them I would be lonely out in the world outside of my home; I think the teachers that have taught me, and enjoy to teach, are GOD because without them I wouldn't have come to the understanding that learning is actually really fun.
I think everyone who does something good is GOD:).
Lot's of special chocolate to you,
Ghiradelli Girl.
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
That's beautiful, Pratibha. I think my absolute FAVORITE line is:
“I will wait for you forever because I know you will succeed.” She said.
It's just so, faithful. I wish someone would show that kind of greatness in my life. Thanks so much for the beauty you added to the world, Pratibha. I look forward to reading more!
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
Out of the many, many comments you recieved on this, there isn't much room for a unique angle. So I've decided to be an agree-er (That probably isn't even a word...) and I agree with Olola when she says that instead of God being in certain places and objects we are all God in a manner of speaking.
Thinking about it, I suppose you COULD sum it up by with the question "Where did I see God today?" you could answer "Wherever you NEED God to be".
My own feelings on God can sort of be found in the "Eyes Opened" short story I wrote (oooo shameless plug - sorry about that!)but that would never inspire me to trash or put down other peoples take on whatever religion they choose to follow.
That went on longer than I planned - sorry about the waffle! :-)
Posted: Jun 12, 2008
beautiful................ that's all i can say!!!!!!!!!!
really touching
Posted: Jun 12, 2008
You know my favorite part? How it gave a window into what life in a small Indian town would be like for young people. The stories interweaving and connecting with the friends. I'm not one to talk about my religious beliefs, they are very private to me, but I do believe that God is in everyone and everything and that even if we don't know why, everything does happen for a reason. I would have liked to have known initially more what the friends looked like and what it was like where they were sitting, but it was just lovely! ~Em
Posted: Jun 12, 2008
this is really good i like it a lot i can tell u put a lot of yourself into it and thats always a good thing very well done as for your question where did i see God today....well i see God EVERYWHERE & IN EVERYTHING God created all and without him there would be nothing he is in our hearts our minds our souls and thou some would disagree God is even where evil dwells as God never abandons us sometimes people who are making the wrong choices in their lives will push God aside and let evil reign in there live so we tend to see evil only but in truth God is still there waiting for us to come back to our senses and ask for his help again and he will be back at our sides the moment we ask him to be there and allow him to be there I see God in my kids, granddaughter, my mom, my brother,all my family, all humans, in nature, in EVERYTHING :)
Posted: Jun 14, 2008
So I came back here to re-read and read all of the comments and I couldn't help noticing Alice's comment about how deep and thoughtful they were for teenagers.
It all depends on the culture, home life, and ultimately sensibility of the person. Cultures have different guidelines of how a person, not a child, should act and when someone is not a child anymore. Home life, that's the big one. If a child is raised in a split household, two parents, two houses, they are more likely to be wise beyond their age because they had no choice to grow up faster. Or, if a the oldest child in the family has to raise and tend the younger ones because the parents are never home, it's the same thing.
Some people are born more mature than others, it's something only God knows and plans. There has to be balance, maturity-immaturity.
Just something thought provoking for me. Thought you'd like to know Buddy
~Kaori
Posted: Jun 16, 2008
A profoundly sad story. Well composed and moving.
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
This is very touching. And it really makes me think, I believe God is everywhere showing himself through different people. I always believed God showed himself to me through my grandmother since she was such an inspiring and good person. This is really good!
Posted: Aug 2, 2008
Tears.. I believe in what you say. You've read my poem"God is within us" and it explains it all, still leaving a lots of thing unexplained.
This is the mystry of God. He's the best actor in the whole world.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008
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Other writing by Pratibha LOVELY BOOKSIE FAMILY PART 3 MY HEART WILL GO ON... My heart will go on and on... LiFe BeCkOnS...Can you hear? LiFe BeCkOnS... More..
Love, Poetry, Life, Death, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, War, Hate, Horror, God, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Depression, Fiction, Heart, Friendship, Family.