Picture it! about five minutes ago in the Cultural Center....
In the distance one can hear the piano playing of both Jeri and Mr. Rockne. 'Oh jeez, this will not end well.' (*insert a few light and terrified knocks*)
"Come in!" says Mr. Rockne. I peer my head around the door. "Promise you won't hit me?" He gives a perplexed look and asks what is up. "I'm dropping choir."
"Well, I wasn't good at homework in high school. Now I'm in college and am taking 200 level classes. I spend all my time eating, sleeping, in class, and reading. And being a reader, I hate that the only thing I'm reading is text book...s."
"Samantha, you love to sing. What's the real reason?"
'Real reason?!?! Does he not believe me?!?!?'
"That is the real reason," I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion.
"No," he chuckles, "what's the real reason?"
"Ummm, that is the real and only reason."
He shifts his weight back on the piano bench and sighs.
"Well, you wouldn't be doing homework with those 50 minutes anyway."
This is the point where I began to get a little flustered. I'm sure that once teachers bond with the students and one student tells them that they are dropping, I'm sure t...hat the teacher is a little shocked and well disappointed. But does he know me? Does anyone here realize that I barely passed math in high school? And if I would have I would have had amazing enough grades to go to a four year college and not here? Because frankly, I don't really think people know that I was a horrid student in high school.
"If I didn't use them to study I would use them to catch up on the tons of hours of sleep I've lost since last Monday because I am no longer used to waking up at 7 am every day!"
"Well yes but most people join choir to relax after class, to take a break from studies."
'Really?' I wondered. 'Really? Because I get so nervous before every concert that that whole week before hand I sleep very seldom. And I have panic attacks and nightmares that I will screw up. And frankly not being in choir will suck. But its going to relive a lot of stress from my shoulders too Mister.'
"I know," I mumble and for some reason I want to beg him to let me join again. Right at that second. But I don't. I've never stood up for myself. And when I do, I usually end up bawling because I'm so nervous that someone will hate me.
I repeat those two words a few times more until he turns and shuffles the music that sits upon the white painted piano in his office.
"Well, I'll miss you greatly," he says, not looking me in the eye, but ironically opening the piece 'He Ne...ver Failed Me Yet.'
"Do you want my dress?"
"Uh, yeah just hang it up there."
"I'll miss you to Mr. Rockne."
And the truth is, I will. I'll miss him. Karen. Jeri. Kari. April. Luke (when he's there). Emily. Cuyler. Being one third of the Samantha's. I'll miss Jennifer. And Megan (sorry if that's not spelled right). I'll miss belting out the song b...ecause I need to drown out the girl next to me (you should know who I am referring to). I'll miss Brittany D. And Josh. And the rest of them. I'll really miss singing Man of La Mancha. And He Never Failed Me Yet.
But I'd rather have enough time to study than not enough. Sure there will be days when I sit around and wonder WTF was I thinking? Sure when it comes to choir time I'll be sad that I don't get out of class to practice music.