I'm going to start using names for the people I'm going to be talking about, FAKE names of course (so that you the reader don't get mixed up at who's who.)
The last thing I had written was that I would walk right up to Sean (the guy I have a crush on) and try to get to know him better , you know take things slow before I throw in the question "Do you have a girlfriend?" and some other things. I haven't even talked to the guy yet and things are just messing up for me…let me go back to when things start to go haywire…
Friends always think they know the best, but not just friends, it's like even your own thoughts start to say, "Hey maybe she/he's right," and than that's when the doubt starts to happen, you're not sure, you're always second guessing yourself...not 100% sure about anything you do or say. And now all because that one friend had told you something or done something that made your mind go all wonky! But their your friend, so you always end up forgiving them, well in this case I did.
Remember the guy I told you about that I thought had a thing for me, and that I kind was interested in but not really (if that makes since), well Chris (Not the athletic one) and I started to talk, just random stuff nothing serious and nothing to touch about my family or culture. Then he asked me something that was completely out of the blue.
"We should hang out some time, what do you thing?" I froze I wasn't sure what to say, what to think. My best friend had told me he had a thing for me only a couple a minutes before I started to talking with him…but I thought she was just messing with me, you know, kidding around, but when he asked that I was…well confused at what to say back…yes or no…yes or no…..?
"Uh, Sure," the guy was still my friend; it would be rude if I just said "No" right away, right? And there was still the chance that he would come to his senses and get a thing for another girl…that was a possibility.
"How about tomorrow?"
"I can't, I'm going somewhere with my family," I wasn't lying.
"Oh, how about Friday?"
"How about Monday?" I would be coming back home on Friday, and I just wanted to think, and not to stress over the whole thought about this situation, how was I even suppose to sleep?
"Cool, is one o'clock okay?"
I wanted to reply with "Uh, that's really early, can it be like, I don't know, six," but instead I said, "Sure," the earlier the faster it'll be over.
We talk about where we should meet up for a bit and that was it.
Later on I find out that my friend (The one that told me he liked me, and she's fully aware that I have a crush on Sean) well she had told him I had a thing for him as well!!! I made sure to talk to her afterward about how stupid she was to say a lie like that (or was it?)
"How could you?" I was beyond angry.
"He can't stop talking about you; he can't go a full five minutes without mentioning you!"
We talk for a little bit but in the end I forgive her, she's my best friend she was only trying to help.
The whole drive to my family's get together I couldn't stop thinking about Monday or about Sean, I still had a crush on him, how was I suppose to hang out with Chris if I didn't like him as much as I liked Sean? And I've never held a conversation longer than two minutes with Chris Face to Face, how will this even work? What was my friend thinking? What was I think by say yes?
I was so confused!
Chris and I talked a little while ago, he suggested that we should write music together, since I sing and he plays guitar, and he sucked at songwriting and I didn't. And like the good friend I am I say sure. Then he says we should start writing screenplay you know for the kick of it for this comedy thing he wants to start posting on Youtube….he's made all these plans...
Sure there's a chance that Sean and I would end up as ONLY friends or not even friends, still distance "whatever we were at this point of our nonexistent relationship", and there was also the chance that we might be something else, but those are only chances, how far can you go with that? Not sure huh? Well I'm the most lost then I've been, I'm a pretty straight forward person when it comes to things like that but it's like something just shut-off when he asked me that...I don't know. I don't want to lead both Chris and Sean on, that's just wrong, but I don't want to lead Chris on if I don't know how I feel. But my "friend" thinks that" I DO like him and that I need to be with him," she needs help, how could she think that with only knowing the guy for what, a month, maybe two for all I know. And I've been talking to him for what, thirty minutes but that's not face to face!!! UGH!!!!! Sure I'm friends with him but still...
I hope Monday…I'm not sure what to hope for anymore…
I'm pretty much numb and lost right now….
-Monday awaits me!