“What are you doing?” her words thudded over and over in my head. The tears she cried when she had seen what I was doing. The event played over and over in my head. Why had I ever let her see me like that? And now she won’t talk to me again. It’s just not right, why did I let it happen? Why did I let her see me slicing my arms open? Why did I let her see my scars? Why did I trust her when she said she’d be there for me? I shouldn’t have. It was a lie. She doesn’t care about me, she ran away scared from me, like most people do when you say you purposely hurt yourself, it’s just not normal.

I wanted my tears to roll down my cheeks, to let everything out, to let my emotions run away, to feel no more pain and hate. Everyone hated me, why do they hate me? My friends hate me the most, they say they care, but they never show it. They are only concerned about themselves, and if a certain guy likes them, if their hair looks perfect, and if their clothes are cool. I don’t care, I don’t care at all, they wouldn’t have pretended to like me if I didn’t have nice clothe or hair.

I’m not worth this life. No one would care if I just ended everything right now. Cutting a bit too deep, ending my life right here are now. End those sleepless nights, instead having one long lifelong sleep, which never ends. I would find eternal happiness. No one cares about me anyways.

So why don’t I just cut too deep? It would solve everything, but what causes me to stop? I still slice my skin, but I can never cut deep enough. There’s never enough blood. It doesn’t make me happy. When will my sorrow end?

I guess what holds me back is the call fro my friend. The call that said she’d be right over to help me. Apologizing for not being there sooner, for ignoring my calls, and for saying she didn’t understand and I would have to explain it to her, but saying that she loved me and wanted me to be happy again. I guess that stops me right now from slicing my arms out and ending it all. The hope that maybe my friend does love me and can make things better. I love my friend.