“Is that what you honestly want, Willow?” Jace asked, handing me back the heel I had thrown at him. “Do you really want me to leave you alone forever?”
“I don’t know!” I screamed, confused. “I don’t know what I want.”
“So what do you want me to do, then?”
“I can’t tell you what I don’t know,” I sighed in defeat, playing with my silver lip ring. Wiping away a tear from my jade eye, I opened my lips, about to say more, but I couldn’t. Jace started to turn away and walk down the sidewalk, away from me forever. I couldn’t let him leave. I couldn’t let him leave without him knowing how I truly felt.
Suddenly, I found the strength to speak.
“I can tell you what I do know. I know that I like the way you kiss me. I know that I like your smile. And your beautiful blue eyes. I like the way you look at me, and how you’re nice to me when I know I don’t deserve it. I like how you’re trying to change me. I like how when you thought how I was asleep you kissed the scars and apologized for each one.” I wiped another tear from my eye and ran a hand down my long, sable hair. With a shaky breath I said, “I definitely love for a fact that last night, lying next to you, you made me contemplate whether I loved you or not. But do you know the one thing I hated? That the answer was yes.”
Jace took my hand as I turned away, stopping me. “I don’t want to leave-”
“But you have to, right? My heart on my fucking sleeve and you tore it off, stepped on it, and threw it away,” I whispered, shirking away from his touch. “Please, leave me alone.”
“I asked you if you wanted me to leave and you answered me with every reason you want me to stay. Why would I leave, why would I abandon you?” Jace kissed my cheek as I blushed. “You are all I care about, Willow. But I- I hurt you. I do not wish to harm you anymore. I was thinking of how much I already did. I have to go.”
“I believe you, Jace. But I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”
Jace kissed me then, softly, sweetly, filled with promise and passion. He pulled me closer to him. I savored his manly scent, knowing that I would never see him again. Never touch, taste, smell him again. Never hear his deep voice again.
I’d miss his sarcastic remarks. The cute little things he’d say in French and Italian. The way he’d use quotes from great philosophers whenever they suited him. But love is letting someone leave when you don’t want them to go.
“I want to come with you.”
“I’m not asking, Jace,” I whispered. “The things I said, they were the truth. I don’t care if you hurt me in the past.”
“I’ll stay,” Jace said quietly, kissing my cheek. “I don’t want to leave you alone anyway. Where would you be without your daily dose of sarcasm?”
I smiled, although I know that deep down inside I was afraid that he would go when I told him that I loved him.
Isn’t that what we all fear anyway? Rejection?
I woke up to Needles kneading my thigh, breaking me out of my reverie. The black and white cat was hungry for breakfast. I had to give her what she wanted.
But I? I would never get what I wanted.
I would never get Jace.