I wake up each day from nerves. Nervousness. Wondering what there is to live for. I sometimes wish someone would take me and kill me so I wouldn't have to live through another day of hell. When I think about death I think that there is no judgment and unless of course, you're in hell. I sometimes try to smile in class so that I can make more friends. "Nice picture gabby" one girl says to me during class. And you know what I did I fake smile and say thanks like a good girl that I am.
What's the point of coming to school when you have to come home to hell dad? Who simply doesn't understand me in any way? I once brought home good grades from my classes (this was in seventh grade) and he didn't acknowledge me in anyway what's so ever. He just said through a phone call "nice job gabby now leave daddy alone I'm busy" and that just made me pissed off and want to cry. I just hate him.
My dad always gets on my nerves. I just hate him. Not the kind of love hate father and daughter has but literarily hate him to my own death. I want to either kill him or me whichever comes first. Sometimes I fell like not coming home from school so I either go to my friend's house or the library. That just shows how much I hate my family life. I know in the bible says that were not supposessed to hate people and that's God's word but I don't listen. If I did me gabby wouldn't be in this kind of situation. Sometimes I fell like grabbing a gun or something and shooting myself to end the pain I feel all the time.
When I do something nice for the family like the dishes or making my room my dad like always says "it's ok" or "you could do better" which leads me to either cutting myself with the switch blade or crying. It's just another thing to add to the hate list for my dad. I could go on about this but I choose not to and just keep it to myself. I want my death to be either be fast and painless or I could just get a gun and shoot myself. I just don't want to live anymore and death is all I think about when I'm somewhere.
When I graduate I hope to leave them and go my separate way. Or get emancipated so that I can't be related to them anymore. When I think about a boyfriend I think of escape. The house he lives in would be my domain