I am Dee Prob, the eldest of 3. I live with a happy family but sometimes I feel so lonely. I have an understanding parents but I’m always misunderstood. I grew up close to them but I feel so far away. I’m always happy but deep inside I’m crying. 18 years journeying to life I realized one thing, your strengths are your weakness—and my family and friends are my strength but I won’t rather say anything in addition. My friends do cheer me up but sometimes they put me down. Well, it’s maybe the true nature of life. World isn’t cruel but the people themselves. But who am I to demand?
I am not a bookish person but somehow stories tours me in another phase of the world which leads me to grab a pen and open a new door through the white sheet of papers. It’s my escape.
People are noisy but they are truly deaf. In real world there are millions and millions of stranger and I felt this sudden magic when I met a guy who had given me the love I’ve never felt before. It’s in him alone. It’s like Aladin’s magic carpet that flies me up when I’m down. I thought everything’s perfect. But, wind blew such things away from me. Sunny moments turned out to be stormy. Hopes are gone and damage has been done. It took years to forget him but the wound would stay up to infinity. For so long, I didn’t want to drench my self into tears so I stood up once again. Seeking for a great fantasy I knew would end in a happily ever after.
I have the owl’s characteristic; I preferred to stay up at night when people are peacefully asleep. I don’t know? Just doing things that might entertain me. I watch movies though I don’t want to understand, I open my ears for music but I don’t listen. I write…Yes, I write! I’m oozing with an ecstasy when I write! In a mere reflection, I believe that there is someone writing/creating my life and I truthfully thank him.
Being brave isn’t seen on how you react to the things that are continuously happening neither about owning a metal nor powerful armor to defend and defeat an enemy. Braveness is unexplainable. Bravery is found when you survive in the world without knowing why, without noticing the sun and moon passes your day and night.
I am hiding in a thick cotton curtain. I’m locked in a cage but the keys are on my hands. One thing’s for sure, in life and love there is no short cut. I can’t confront my parents about what I feel. They won’t listen about my fears. All I know is that I’m not a sophisticated baggage that worth carrying for. Being the eldest is fun but really tough…really tough! I am always rejected its maybe because I wanted to. I’m just at the corner, sitting, throwing the chances in the walls.
I took business course in college for no exact reason. I love talking though I don’t know the main point of my words. I confess that I am not a brilliant student. I don’t study hard but I don’t waste my parents’ expense. I don’t read academic books (if it’s not necessarily needed). I’m not active in school because I think I can’t. The reason is: I only wanted to have financial and time freedom. I didn’t have a happy childhood but I believe that as long as I’m breathing, it’s never too late. Half of my age I’ve witness the most horrible quarrellings and fighting’s between my parents, but how come they are still together? I understand now that love is my fear. But in the end, I salute them for raising us well.
I am a person with great patience but sometimes when situation turned me red, I cut an inch of my hair, I bite the lower part of my lips and I shout in my box. I’m always lonely. I’m traumatized by the past bad moments. I’m lonely but I can’t prove it. It’s just hard being misunderstood.
I’m tired of fighting. Fight to no one. I surrendered which I consider the foolish mistake I’ve made. I cut my wrist just for fun which ended his work undone. I opened my eyes and I saw darkness and so I closed my eyes back and I see them, my strengths. Funny truth, they are now listening this time even I could talk no more. Before I opened my eyes back and know I’ll face nothing, I heard the most silent word yet echoing…the word “Love” and somewhere deep inside my heart I felt this very painful pinch. I abruptly opened my eyes and saw the world once I created through my hands. They wanted me back…I saw the brightest future I’m longing to have but it’s too late. My sudden parting has come.
Life is a chess board and I’ve just made a wrong move. I should have embrace the “should be moments”. I’ve met regrets in this end.
Life must go on they tell me. It should never end until there are plenty of inks on your creator’s pen but I torn the pages and now I’m hanging in this dark and rainy place.
I am Dee Prob…and I have this problem. I’ve prove myself wrong! ...I’ll prove you wrong!