an open letter to the boys i love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
a letter i needed off my chest

Submitted: May 05, 2016

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Submitted: May 05, 2016

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I know none of you will see this, and that’s what I want, but I just need to settle the score between us because you all were something to me once and maybe aren’t anymore. So here’s to my childhood best friend, who I learned to dream, play, and laugh with. I remember playing games, the time I left a rambling birthday message on your home phone just to find out it was the wrong day, being mistaken as a couple almost everyday, and creating a band we would never actually be in during math class. We could be asses to each other, but at the end of the day, we were still friends. That changed in high school. I don’t know if it’s because I went to a different school, or if you grew tired of me, or you just wanted to drift away quietly. I am still best friends with your cousin, and she shares stories of your current life and I often wonder what shenanigans we could have gotten into if we had stayed friends.(and yes, I did love you for a little while, but I swear it was less than a year and was something that may have been influenced by all of the questions we got). And yes, if you must know, I think my parents still secretly wish we had gotten married, but that is a long gone truth now. To the first boy I actually (without a doubt) fell in love with. God, this was such a mess. Thinking about you brings embarrassment and shame back to me. Not that I did anything stupid or psychotic, I just remember the roller coaster of being talked to and ignored, being friends and not talking at all. We never dated or even went beyond cuddling, and, quite frankly, I’m really glad we didn’t when I reflect on who I love now. But let me just say, the year I loved the dentist was when I first truly understood what being in love could mean. To the guy I met at camp. We met at camp ten years ago. We Were Always MD&E. No matter what, we were always together, laughing, talking, and telling jokes over the radio when we shouldn’t have. For some reason, when I first met you, that first summer, I absolutely despised you, but then again, that seems to happen with every guy I meet. Now, after all of these years, we’ve weathered so much. From falling in love to falling out, to the time we almost destroyed the life I had built for myself, and catching myself early enough to know that it wasn’t the future that would work out for me. We fought, we didn’t talk for months because I was so angry with you for not taking some blame in what happened and you would never talk to me about your feelings as openly as I talked about mine. Now that we’re talking again (and playing minecraft together) I realize you are what I needed. I needed a rock, someone who I could call at 3am and ask to tell me jokes or talk about nothing when I’m upset. I need someone who will watch chick flicks with me and let me sleep with my head on his shoulder during movies when I can’t be near my husband. I need someone to listen to me complain about work, even though I insist I love it. To the boy who used to date my best friend. I don’t know what I would have done without you, Comrade. We were always platonic, and it’s been a great three(?) years. We’ve played minecraft, talked about legos, and pretty much avoided fighting this whole time. We pretty much agree on everything we talk about, and we are totally the safety net for each other, in my opinion, even though we’re thousands of miles apart. Just seeing a BFFL message from you makes me know I’m gonna smile. I can’t wait to see you grow and become an amazing guy for a lucky girl,’cause bro, you deserve it. To my husband: We’ve been together almost seven years since we first met and started dating. I can’t even believe how fast time has flown. It’s been almost a year since our wedding, and I still wake up feeling like it was a dream. We’ve had a LOT of ups and downs (especially in the 3rd year), but now it’s easy to tell that God had made us for each other. We can laugh, assert our opinions, no matter how they differ, and you are patient when I cry watching Big Hero Six for the twentieth time. I love that you sometimes stare at me when you don’t think I’m looking, and still can’t believe how many times you start a conversation with “So I hope you weren’t going to eat….” because you’ve already eaten it. I love that you love me. So, to all the boys, past, present, and future that I love: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you taught, are teaching, and will be teaching me.


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