My daughter and me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Stories of a single father and his daughter

Submitted: May 10, 2016

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Submitted: May 10, 2016

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Hi. My name is Johnothan Rodriguez. I'm 25 years old. I'm bi-racial; half Black, half Puerto Rican. I have light tanned skin, black curly hair, thought I perfer it to be short, and I have brown hazel eyes. I live in San Fransisco California. I live with my 5 year old daughter Naria. Before anyone asks, yes, I am a single father.  I'm here to share a few stories that I have experienced with my daughter. Some of them are in fact messed up, I'll admit, but at the end of the day they're pretty damn funny.

I guess I should start off by explaining what happened to Naria's mother. Well she's not in the picture because she believed she wasn't ready to be a parent. So I moved to San Fransisco with my cousin until I was able to get an apartment of my own which took three and a half years.

Now, the one thing most people know is that California has a lot of earthquakes, basically Earth

etch-a-skecth. Now, I wasn't mentally prepared one day for an earthquake when Naria turned three years old. I was in the shower when the quake began, and keep in mind, earthquakes are only like three-five seconds long. As the earthquake began, I freaked out and ran right out the bathroom, wet and naked, running to my daughter who was in the livingroom watching SpongeBob Squarepants. I'm running across the house without a towel and my dick is everywhere.

So there I am, running to Naria. "Naria!" I showed. Just picture this all happening in slow motion between the time of the earthquake. "Naria!"

Naria looks away from the TV and sees me  all ass-naked and wet running to her. "DADDY!" She screamed in terror and she covers her eyes. And I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to see my mother running to me and she's naked. Especially now.

And as soon as the earthquake stops, that's when I reach Naria and I grab her and I hold her. "Naria!"

"Daddy...!" She cried as I held her head against my chest.

"I just want you to know that daddy loves you, okay?" I said.

"Okay." She said back as I sat her back down. Then I walked back to the bathroom.

As I'm getting dressed, that's when it hit me: "Should I tell her what the fuck just happened?" She was just watching TV, and her wet naked dad just ran up to her and said "I love you Naria." So I didn't tell her. I'm just going to let that particular moment sit in the back of her head.

So now when she gets older, and an earthquake happens, she's going to be with her friends and think "Have you guys seen my dad?!" She'll say in a panic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fucked up parent, I just do certain shit that I'm not ready for.

Like when I was givng my daughtre a bath, she always tells me . "Daddy, be careful on my can-o's." And what she means in her private area. There's a reason behind all that. I don't want you to think that my daughter just looked at her vagina and said "You are can-o's."

Heres what happened; my family speaks Spanish, and in Spanish, the penis is called "webos" and the vagina is called "coño". So before I tell the story, I'm putting this out there, most Hispanic parents do things to their kids that usually aren't socially accepted. But I just want you to know, I'm okay. I know that's a weird way to start this part of the story, but just know I'm alright. Now Naria just got done taking a bath. This happened when she was three and a half, four years old, and my mother was there that day.

"Daddy, I'm done taking a bath, come an get me!" She yelled from the bathroom.

I'm getting her clothes and towel and my mom wasn't doing anything. "Naria, come to Lela." My mom said. "Come on, come to Lela."

Naria jumps out the tub all wet. "Lela!" She yelled excitedly. And she runs to my mom, all ass-naked. "Lela! Lela!"

"Come to Lela!" My mom chanted. Naria got right in front of her grandma and my mom grabbed her between her legs. "I got your coños!"

"AGH!!!" Naria ran back in the bathroom screaming.

I started laughing hysterically. Because she use to do that shit to me! I use to hate it when my mom grabbed my webos. Everytime, and it never failed. And heres the fucked up part, my mom would get mad at me for me getting mad at her for grabbing my webos. How fucked up is that?!

"I got your webos!" My mom said, grabbing my dick.

"Mom!" I yelled, pushing her away. "Don't do that!"

My mom gasps as if I said something offensive. "Why can I not touch your webos? Por-que? I practically raised you and wiped your ass mi-ho."

"Because I'm 18!"

My daughter is the shit, though. I dare any guy mess with my daughter when she gets older. I'll hold my daughter until she's 20. I don't give a fuck. We'll be walking through the mall and I have her over my shoulder at the age of 16.

"Dad, this is so embaressing..." She'll say as she sees people stare at her.

"Just hurry up and burp, Peanut." I'll say.

Take a lot of videos and pictures. Everything that makes your kids cry, or happy, get it on tape, use it against them. The worst day of Naria's life was her fist day of school when she finally turned five. She kept crying until 3:00 in the morning. She practically woke the whole neighborhood.

"I don't want to go to school, daddy." She cried. Tears running down her face to the point where she left tears tracks on the floor. "I want to stay home! I'm a good girl! I don't even know those people, daddy, and you're going to make me go to the school! Why do you hate me, daddy?! Daddy!"

"Naria!" I said finally. "Go to sleep. It's 3:00 in the morning. Peanut, you're going to have fun in school. You get to learn things in school. You get make new friends, you're going to have fun, Peanut." She finally stops crying. "Daddy is going to take you to school. So why are you crying? I'm going to be there for you."

Then I realized I have to find my camera. I got to get all this crying on tape. That way when she gets older and starts talking shit, I got that tape. Because you know how 16 year olds are. They talk shit to their parents.

Daughter: Dad, why are you a dick all the time?!

Me: Oh, really? (I pop the tape in)  What about that, bitch?!

But that didn't happen. I brought her to her first day of school. My little baby walked right pass me and turned into a little inependent woman. I tried to kiss her, she did that Matrix shit on me. Standing in the single file line with her backpack. These two boys stand right behind her, and it's obvious that they went to preschool together.

"This is going to be fun!" The boys said. Or at least that's what I heard them say. "We're going to have fun in kinderguarden!"

Naria doesn't even know these kids, but she keeps looking at them, trying to engage in some type of conversation.

"Yeah, this is going to be fun." Naria said to the boys. "I'm going to be your friend." She's just staring at them for the longest.

I'm across the auditorium and she sees me. So I mouth to her. "I love you." Naria looks at me then looks away as if she never knew who I was. What a fucked up thing, right?"

"Now we're going to take your kids to class." The teachers said. "So even if your kid starts crying, parents, stay in the auditorium. We're trying to break that bond."

"Okay, so now my daughter is going to cry." I said to myself. "Reality check. Daddy's got to leave." So I run to Naria. I'm trying to squeez at least one tear out of this fucker. I'm saying mean shit too. "Daddy's got to go." I said to her. "There's a lot of scary people here. Watch out."

"So what, daddy?" Naria told me without care. "Just go. Get out of here."

That really hurt me. It shattered my heart. "Okay..." I sniffled. "You don't have to say it so loud. I just want you to know that I made you a sandwhich without the crust." I start fake crying to see if she'll cry with me. "And I put yogurt in your backpack. And there's a Hi-C." I started to feel like I actually meant it. "And just in case you were still hungry, daddy put three dollars in your pocket and- I got to go." I actually started tearing. I thought I was really good. I should be an actor. "I got to go."

Naria puts her little hand on my cheek. So cute. "Move!" She yelled. She fucking pushed my face. And walked out the door with those two boys she met in line. So now she thinks she's king-shit because she just bitch-slapped her dad.

"You're not going to punk me." I said to myself, marching out the door. "I don't give a fuck if you're five." I stop Naria and pull her aside. "Naria, daddy's got to talk to you."

"What do you want, daddy?" Naria asked me with attitude. "I'm with my friends."

"You okay, Naria?" One of the boys said. Not really, but it seems funny just thinking that would happen.

"I got this." Naria said to the boy. Again. not really. "What do you want, daddy?"

"Peanut, I just want you to know one thing before you go to class, okay?" I began with a straight face. "I just want you to know that uh...I could've pulled out." 

"What are you talking about, daddy?" Naria asked with a confused face.

"I'm just saying you could've ended on a pillow case, or a shirt, or a wet rag."

"Daddy, what are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying, your mommy could've swallowed you. I'll pick you up at 2:15." And I leave.

Naria looks at the teacher all confused. The teacher had this disgusted look on her face. She looks at me, then my daughter then me again and brings the students to class.

As I'm walking into the lobby, a father stops me and smiles. "You just made my day." He said. You know you did your job as a man when another guy says that to you. Again, I'm not a fucked up parent. I just do fucked up shit. Ask my sisters, they'll tell you.

So 2:15 rolls around and I'm outside the building, looking around for Naria. The principal sees me and brings me to the nurse and I see Naria with pink-eye. I was shocked. The I started thinking to myself: "Did I really fuck up her mind?" But then that thought went away when the nusre came out.

"Mr. Rodriguez, your daughter has pink-eye." She said. But you guys already know that. "I recomend she stays home for a week."

So that's exactly what happened. Next Monday, I take Naria to school. I go to pick her up and again, I'm pulled into the nurse's office.

"Sir, your daughter has pink-eye, again." The nurse said. "This is the second week in a row."

The nurse started to get hostile, si I started getting hostile back. "How is this my fault?" I asked her. "Maybe, some of the kids in her class has pink-eye and they're running around giving other kids pink-eye."

"Yeah, that's your kid!"

I didn't to start a fight in the school, so I took Naria home. The rest of the week, I'm trying to figure out how Naria kept getting pink-eye. I felt like the worst dad in the world. Then I hear a voice in my head. "Here, let me show you." It said. Naria is sitting on the floor and she sticks her hand into her pants to scracth her ass. I'm sitting her watching her do this. Then she rubs her eyes.

As a parent, I should've said "Peanut, don't do that. You need to wash your hands." That's what I should've said...but I didn't. So she got pink-eye again.

Like I said, I just do fucked up shit, and I don't think before I act as a parent. But that's how I learn. And I know that Naria is going to be the same like her old man when she becomes my age and has kids. 


© Copyright 2017 Talique Metz. All rights reserved.

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