Blinded By Love

LeParadisNoirPoetique

Hello Meg, how you doin? See what I did there with the slang lol. More on that later. Your new pen name kinda has a professional feeling to it when you read it and say it out loud. I can tell you are quite proud of the name change :)
Interesting concept to read an action story from you. Hellifyno, if you say those words separately, is a quote which I believe you understand, so I find it quite clever how you have put your own spin on it, and it is original if you think about it. I love how these Germans have a slang to speaking English, because it is so enjoyable and fun to read. It shows they are from a different country, so it's class to see them with that slang language. Set in New York, so maybe Liberty is named after The Statue of Liberty? Again I really like the links.
I don't read many action stories, so it's great to see you have took a realistic and gritty approach to this. I think your slang dialogue is fucking great, and your female lead is so strong willed with a mind of steel, and that makes you believe that she is so good at what she does.
This is an interesting change of direction from you, because I didn't think this was a genre you would try. You have kept all of the ingredients needed in this genre to a realism point of view, rather than over the top, and that makes me keep an interest in your main character, and believe she is that Lara Croft type of character.
I appreciate the change of scenery, and keep working on improving your wording. You seriously have come quite far in the past year :)

LeParadisNoirPoetique

First comment, always great when that happens XD

ClairyCherry

You and your boyfriend have done a wonderful job. I always love a good collaboration of two writers portraying their story. I really loved how in depth the character development is, I love Lavina's feisty side and how the pace of the action is. I like how you gave a brief of the girls relationships, and the dialogue while she was all heated up. I definitely never want to piss her off. I like the different personality of the girls colliding into one. It seems Liberty is more impulsive while Lavina thinks of her action more. They both have in common, is a trend for trouble. What are those jerks going to do Lavina, I hope she will be all right. I also like symbol of the necklace, I kind what to steal her pretty necklace. Reading on:}

Amy R. Beckett

Thanks for the invite!

Great first chapter - I like the concept, and your writing style is very clear and polished. Some good characterisation so far and I'm looking forward to seeing how the characters develop. The portal necklace and the hunters have also grabbed my attention.

Looking forward to reading on!

BriannasBooks

I like how action packed this first chapter was. It surely was a nice hook, and I loved how strong and fierce the main character was. If I were being shoved into the back of a random van, oh hell, I think I would literally become my tears, lol. I'm definitely continuing on xD

RaeBlair

I LOVE that you gave credit to where credit was due at the end of your story - it shows a respectfulness, and confidence in your own work that is absolutely admirable. And truly, you should be confident with your writing! I'm unfamiliar with the footnoted world and characters you have adopted for Blinded by Love, but this chapter is brilliant and had me drawn in straight from the beginning. And honestly - I love vulgarity written elegantly! "Elegantly" as in correctly and with purpose, in a way that flows with the characters, settings, and theme of the story. Meaningful vulgarity, if you would. You've definitely mastered this! I couldn't find any flaws in spelling, grammar, or related that were worth noting... there were some awkwardly worded phrases, but nothing that deterred from the story or that was able to be caught with the first read-through. This is a solid chapter with great characterization, and enough action to draw readers in to the second! I'm adding this to the reading list, because I'd definitely like to read more! :-)
~Rae

Spyguy

I don't completely understand how you do what you do, but you sure know how to draw a reader in to your stories my dear! Well done as always!