The difference in you(fight to ba a true you)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Poem about who you were and who you became and the fight you go through to become what you intend to be

Submitted: May 18, 2016

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Submitted: May 18, 2016

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Do you feel different now than you used to be? I sure do.. I remember days of happiness.. Days I didn't want to end and data where I looked forward to the next.. But through all that has happened over the last year or so I've noticed many changes.. I'm not the person I wanted to be.. I've lost more than I could have ever imagined and have gained so little.. I've worked so hard with nothing to show for it.. I've lost friends, hurt my and abandoned my family and my puppy, I've left jobs cuz I couldn't focus, ended up in the hospital because I let me emotions get the best of me, and worst of all I lost my son. My baby boy The one thing that I loved most in the world. And no matter what I do I don't get to see him.. I've failed as a friend, a dad, a son, a family member,an employee, I guess failed as a person in general.. I'm just a shadow if who I was and wanted to be. I guess somewhere along the line I let the depression take control.. And even though I said I would not give up, my mind made me feel like I wasn't but in all honesty I guess I really just let go of the fight and really gave up and stopped caring.. I don't feel like I'm the nice guy I used to be even if other people see be that way.. It's like I put on whatever mask I need to fit the given situation I'm in.. People see me but they don't see the real me. Everybody thinks I'm happy without a care in the world. But reality is that I'm completely miserable. I have a darkness that lingers inside me. It's hard not to let it out to take over.. This darkens is close to me as the shirt on my back.. Always tearing at my emotions and trying to rip me apart.. I lose so much sleep and most times cry until the point that I'm to drained and pass out.. And even If I sleep in haunted by memories both happy and sad.. I find myself in a dark cold place alone.. A single match to find the way to the light. A place if joy. I light the match and search all around for the door or switch to bring back the light.. The match fades before I do.. In the distance I see the slightest glimpse, just a flicker if the light.. Running towards it going I finally found a way out of the cascade of lingering dark sadness.. But it never gets closer.. yet it seems even further away.. I'm beginning to think I'm trapped.. Only to be fed bits and pieces of joy to keep that little bit of hope just so it can keep getting ripped away to break me down even more until I get to my very last grain of fight in me.. Am I not meant to be happy? Not meant to have what I want.. Not meant to be loved or love someone.. Not meant to have my son.. Why should I try.. I'm only meant to cry.. My heart beat fades, no more lies, no more do I try, here my body lye, in the puddle of years my eyes cry, and then I die... Into the light my spirit will fly... Now I know just why I try. The light is bright, but must continue the fight, somewhere in time life will turn out right. Either one life or the next. Your best is your best. Don't mind all the rest.. Only you can pass life's true test. Do you remember who you were? Do you like what you've become? Only you alone can say yes or no.. It's up to you which one you show....... Written by Ryan Roberts


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