Father explains to son

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A Father takes his son to his mothers grave on Mothers day

Submitted: May 22, 2016

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Submitted: May 22, 2016

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As I drive my son to visit my mother on mothers day. I recall all the times I thought she would always be there. With my flowers beside me as I drive and my son is asking me questions I feel I don't want to answer but I must. For this ride I take each year now with my Son his questions become part of my sorrow. As he gets older so do I and I know what I have done can not be taken back but maybe this way I can feel I am making up for not visiting her when she was alive. I never forgot the day she left this earth and my soul felt the shudder as if someone had taken my breath away, I was speechless and in denial. 

My son looks at me. Dad are we going out to eat after this again? I replied " yes son I think we will go to her favorite restaurant." Why? " He asked. I said so I can remember better. He then asked me what was she like, did she know me? I thought to myself how can I explain my guilt but make him happy at the same time. 

She always could make anyone laugh with some silly songs she made up. Her laughter was so contagious, anyone would start laughing with her just because of her laugh. She liked everyone and everyone liked her. 

Then he asked me again. " Dad did she know me?" I had to answer this one carefully. " Yes of course!" I refrained from telling him how little did I take him to her little apartment where she had her dog and cat. I could not bare letting him think how selfish I was. I always thought there would be a next time or a tomorrow. How could I explain to my son she saw his pictures online or how on a rare day maybe I would call, usually only on Holidays. Then that slowed down too. 

My son then asked me did she like Mothers Day. He asked me this many times before and each time I come up with a yes or say of course but today I feel he is old enough to know the truth. 

Son I think she loved Mothers Day. We went out to eat and gave her presents and always had a great time. But as the years went by I got so busy I slowly forgot to send a card or present and didn't visit. So now I never miss Mothers Day or her Birthday. 

He said to me But Dad we don't come here on her Birthday how do you celebrate now. I told him that is the days after Christmas we have a special cake with One Candle. That one Candle is what stands for her life and reminds me that she was my only Mother. 

My son looked down to his hands and looked up to me and told me the most Honest truth. Dad you were not a good son to her much but I think she forgives you now. I think she hears us. I thought to myself I hope so. 

I pull slowly into the grave site and it started to rain. I went to her tomb. I was glad it was raining so my son could not see my tears. He asked me, why is she above ground unlike the others around us. I told him, well she was afraid of being under ground she once joked she wanted to be able to get out if she wanted to. But son I gave her this great place because I had promised her I would always buy her the biggest house and take care of her. So since I could not while she was alive I gave her the biggest tomb of her families grave yard. I looked at him and he was crying and looked up to me. I promise you Dad, I will never forget fathers day or your birthday and I will call you everyday even if I ever get busy. I put my arm around him. I know you will, I said the same thing but now you see why we go here and I would not want you to have the pain in your heart as I do in mine. 

I placed the flowers and said my usual. Hey Mama. Let me tell you what has been going on. I went on talking to her as if she were sitting right next to me and even laughed at some of the things I told her and wishing she would laugh to. But each year I can almost hear her laugh but I think it is my mind playing tricks on me. Then I asked my son for a minute alone and he went back to the car. I yelled buckle up. 

Mama, I don't know if you can hear me. But I am so sorry. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a card I made at my office. I drew a picture of her dog and placed a picture of a big house I would have gotten her and I drew a picture of her sitting in her favorite chair watching TV. No one saw that card but me. I placed it down. I took out one secret flower I had made of plastic as a symbol of it lasting forever. I wished all those years I left her alone I could wipe away but I can't. 

As I walked away I said I will see you next time and this I said each time and never again did I ever miss Mothers Day again. 

Until we see each other in Heaven I will never let her down again. 


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