Short Story Final Exam

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

This was my grade 8 final exam. It sucked. 77%. Wow. Like, you can tell how bad it was from reading it. It just screams out TRASH. I've improved a lot.

Submitted: May 22, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 22, 2016



ELA 8 Final


Mr. Teacher

May 18, 2016

 “Okay. I’m Sam. I know this intro looks very amateur, and the quotation marks look like they don’t belong, but that has a reason. Just like everything. I hate stories that are first person perspective, so that’s why I brought Bob to narrate for me. Now I can speak with the narrator, and break the wall way less than normal. Bob is a simple person. He is tall, has short, army-like hair, brown eyes… But he is just a follower in this dimension. In this dimension, half of the people are followers, the other half are leaders. I know, it doesn’t make sense to have as many leaders as followers, but that makes it so that each leader has the same amount of power. Since I am the leader, I am using my follower, Bob, to narrate.”

 Do I get quotation marks?

 “That was Bob, by the way. And, no, you don’t get quotation marks. You don’t need quotation marks! What kind of narrator uses quotation marks? Oh, and after every time someone says something, use ‘he says’, so that we don’t confuse anyone,” Sam said.

 Like that?

 “Yes,” Sam said.

 That was good enough, right?

 “That’s good, but it’s just a little bit too boring. Be more creative. Use different words that are fancier than he said,” explained Sam

 There. It’s fixed.

 “You can also say ‘he said’ and stuff like that before or in the middle of the sentence,” Sam annoyingly added. After he added that useless statement, he added yet another useless statement, “How am I being annoying? That makes no sense! These are not useless statements!”

 Yeah. Totally.

 Sam decided to be boring, and with authority, he exclaimed, “Anyway, let’s get back on topic. We need to tell a story. You need to explain how I look to the audience, so that they can actually visualize me. I want to start my comedy story now.”

 Okay. I’ll cut the jokes. Sam, like many of the leaders, was short. He had long, hippie-like hair that went down to his shoulders. He had brown eyes, and hated when the main characters of stories had blue eyes. His hobbies include…

 Sam rudely interrupted, “You need to explain how I look! Not what my hobbies are! You know that I have a short temper! Ugh, your patience is cruel, just like your jokes. Why such obliviousness?”

 Bob gave up explaining Sam, and Sam realized that the fight was over. Sam went to the kitchen to eat cereal, even though he just ate lunch. He grabbed the milk.

 “I wonder who the Devilish Aquatic Measly Brothers captured today?” Sam wondered as he looked on the back of the milk carton. “Hey, that person looks familiar… Jon? Jon Janson? No! It can’t be! Bob, we can’t have a comedy story anymore. We need to save Jon. Pack up your stuff; we are going on an epic journey. A blockbusting story. Comedians don’t make any money.”

 Sam let his greed overcome his empathy, and he wanted to get money instead of saving Jon. Bob slapped Sam, making him explode in anger like a nuclear bomb. What he said is, I’m afraid, un printable.

 “I was just trying to be optimist about it,” Sam lied. “And that wasn’t a lie. Anyway, let’s go. The keys to the SubCar are in the drawer. Hurry!”

 Bob went to get the keys to the SubCar, while Sam went to wait in the garage. In case you didn’t know, a SubCar is a mix of a submarine and a car. The whole world was turned into dessert, so people need cars and submarines, all in one. At first people were happy that the earth was edible, but it was too spongy to build on, and it got really dirty, really quick, so the whole population lives in the ocean. Of course, some of the earth is rock candy, so people built airports, and factories, warehouses, and all of that jazz. That’s why you need a mini submarine mixed with a car. The DAMB headquarters were on some rock candy.

 “Hurry up,” shouted Sam impatiently. “We don’t have all day!”

 Bob got the keys and ran to the car. You’re welcome, Sam. The drive in the ocean was slow. There was so much traffic. At one intersection, a stupid whale didn’t know what civilization was, and he went straight through the organized intersection. It wasn’t very organized after that. Sam was getting impatient, so he decided to go out of the stream of traffic.

 “These currents are horrible,” Sam muttered, with gritted teeth. “It’s impossible to drive out of the main stream. But no one wants to be mainstream and use the main stream! Plus, this is a more direct route to Russia.”

 After the stressful ride in the ocean, they emerged out into rock-candy Russia. The sugar beaches were impossible to get out of, but they eventually made it. The roads were nice and smooth, but if you went to slow, you would sink into the cakes of the earth. Literally. The sky was big, blue, and bewilderingly beautiful. The air was warm, and smelled like cake and sugar. They went around a mountain made out of crystalized sugar, and in the distance, they saw it. There it was. The square warehouse loomed out in the distance. Its acronym was painted on in thick, black letters.

 Sam was amazed. “Damb,” he whispered, making the ‘b’ silent.

 Bob was also bewildered. He even used words that he didn’t know the meaning of, like “loomed”.

 “How,” continued Sam, “are we going to go all the way through the building, save Jon, and then get all the way back out?

 Bob agreed, and added that it would take a while. The duo kept driving, until they got half way there. Then, they still kept driving. The ride took a total of three hours.

 Sam was flabbergasted, and he said, “This building is way farther than it looks.”

 Then, suddenly, they arrived. It took a while, but they arrived. They were on rock candy, which was an amazing coincidence, considering that it just happened to be the place that the warehouse ran out of gas. Bob started to explain how stupid it was that the warehouse was driving the whole time, and explained how it was probably just to annoy us.

 “I know,” Sam persisted, like a know-it-all. “Let’s just get out of the car and save Jon. So much for them being Aquatic Brothers. Their warehouse isn’t even in the water.”

 Bob yet again agreed, because that was his job. Bob and Sam got out of the car, while wondering why everyone’s names only had three letters. They were still wondering while they were wandering to the warehouse, but they set those thoughts aside.

 The door was huge. Sam tried to open it, but no matter how hard he pulled, he couldn’t open the ginormous door. Bob, because he was smart, pointed out that that giant door was just a decoration, and that that small door over to the left was the actual entrance.

 Bob, trying to defend himself, argued, “You have to say, that door is very convincing. It even has a fake handle to add to the effect.”

 Anyway, the duo continued in the small door. It was half the size of a normal door, and was painted brown. Just like the big, green fake door, it stood out from the boring, grey concrete box that they called a building. The letters were also very boring. Sam and Bob wondered why they didn’t notice this before. Sam ducked under the door, followed by Bob. Bob was a bit delayed, though, because he was reading the sign above the door. It read, “You are now entering the Anti Logic Chamber! Say goodbye to boredom!” Bob told Sam about his find.

 Sam complained, “Yeah, it really defies logic how logic is not being defied.”

 The warehouse was dark inside. Really dark. They were in a small room with a door with a bright red sign with a word saying Exit. Beside that there was another sign reading, “Whenever you want you can quit. To continue the maze, press the purple button over there.”

 Bob turned around and pressed the green button, and Sam wondered why the red button turned yellow. Then Sam realized that they were all the same button.

 Suddenly, the walls lifted, making the room slightly bigger. Then, the roof started to quickly drop down on them. The exit was two steps away, but the cyan button was on the other side of the room, where Twilight was being played. Sam puked at the thought of twilight, but decided to continue on.

 “Let’s do this,” he said in a determined voice. Then on the loudspeaker, Justin Beiber came on. “Wait, let’s go. I’m done.”

 Bob urged him to carry on. He did. They ran for their lives. Sam pulled out a crossbow, and shot the TV playing the One Direction movie with a shotgun. And then, elephant. The duo slid under the cow, and jumped for the blue button. The caving in walls were so close to them, but it then lifted. Bob had trouble explaining that event due to the amount of unlogical item-changing there was. Sam looked at the screen, and saw a highschooler’s desperate face as he continued writing a story for a final exam that he was only half done. There was thirty minutes left.

 “Hey, am I in a story?” shouted Sam.

 “Yes!” the highschooler replied. “Shut up, the student can hear you! I need to get back on topic! The magenta button is over there! I’ll press it for you!” The highschooler used his cursor to press the indigo button, and he disappeared. Then, in the next room, came a horrible stench. The stench of farts. Bob couldn’t take it any more. He walked towards the exit.

 Sam was surprised. “Bob! Don’t quit! You need to help me with this! There is only one room left after this! I will persevere, but I don’t know if I’ll make it through the next room alone! We need to sacrifice our time, and we need to smell this fart with pride, because this fart is what is going to make us stop this evil organization!”

 Bob loved that pep talk. He didn’t know whether it was because Sam was talking about farts, or whether it was just a good pep talk. Together, Sam and Bob walked through the fart smell, swam in the sewage water, and pressed the brown button.

 And there it was. The last room. The room with Jon himself. He was sitting there patiently, being guarded by a big, menacing man.

 “Hi,” said Jon, casually. “I’m glad you made it.”

 “Damb,” replied Sam, making the ‘b’ silent again. “It’s you.”

 The big burly girl was infuriated. “The ‘b’ is silent!” he said.

 Jon pulled out a jetpack.

 “This is what they supply you with for SHIDT. I don’t think that banana over there noticed me bringing it. I’ll help you escape through the roof.”

 Since the guard was now a banana, the now trio could escape. They latched onto Jon and ascended up to the floor. They opened the hatch, and continued on the top of the tent. Bob was getting as confused as the teacher reading this, because everything was randomly turning into different things. Then the duo realized two things. Jon was flying away, and there was no gravity.

 “Goodbye!” shouted Jon happily. “See you tomorrow when you save me again!”

 The guard they left behind, who was now a pig, wondered, “It’s curious why no one ever uses the back door… Wait, they forgot to turn of the Anti Logic thingymajig!”

 Bob and Jon ignored that comment. They jumped down from the roof and went in their SubCar. They just each wanted the day to end. By the time they got home, it was dark. They found it hard to sleep without gravity.

 “I wonder,” wondered Sam, “why there still isn’t logic…”

 Then, they both fell asleep.

 The next morning, neither of them were used to the lack of gravity. Jon read the daily newspaper.

 He said, “Is this supposed to be news from yesterday just to go against logic?” Then he went and got some milk for his breakfast. “I hope I find out how to pour this milk. Wait, I thought I finished the cheerios yesterday! Since when did we buy more milk?”

 And then Bob saw who was on the milk carton’s missing report.


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